Gauntlet of the Geek: Are Licensed Comic Books Good for the Industry?

“Gauntlet of the Geek” is a new featured article where two of our writers debate on hot button issues in today’s nerd industry. We’re not paid to kiss ass, so see what happens when the white gloves come off and we let you all know how we really feel. Let us know whom you agree with.

Sherif’s opinion:

For the last 30-40 years in pop culture, one thing has remained constant – franchises survive. Think of your favorite fandoms – how many of them are new to the last twenty years? Star Wars, Transformers, G.I. Joe, Doctor Who, Disney…all of them have survived generations because of the way they replicate onto different mediums of consumption. Sure, tribal upbringing accounts for a fair amount of the influence, but these franchises, now corporations built off the blood money of thousands of parents desperate to immerse their offspring in the same stuff. And those blessed corporations care enough about we the consumer to keep putting out fresh material to relate one generation to the next, keeping these beloved fandoms alive. Where would TMNT be without the new Nickelodeon series? I’ll tell you where. In the retro section of a fucking Hot Topic, that’s where. Let’s not forget that the stuff kids find cool is only cool because television, movies, and toy stores tell them it’s cool. We’re just more accepting of it because we find it cool, too.

This is the price we have to pay to keep TMNT relevant.
This is the blood price we have to pay to keep TMNT relevant.

One of the best side effects of licensed comic books is the amount of pull and resources that it gives the creators. For example, the mountains of merchandising money that Disney and WB give Marvel and DC, respectively, have opened up the doors for them to take chances on titles for the lesser-known titles (like Squirrel Girl and Ms. Marvel – both of which have had HUGE success). It’s not so much making people who watch Iron Man want to pick up Extremis, but using the resources that the Iron Man movie’s exposure brings in to reallocate and try something new (which I admit is a doey-eyed way to look at the world. We all know these corporations don’t give a crap about us). Think of it as drug dealers buying winter clothing for local school children with their drug money.

I look at licensed comic books the same way I look at the honorary torch carrier at the Olympics. They shouldn’t be regarded with the elite status they once were. X-Files and Star Trek comic books should not be competing with Saga and D4VE, nor should they be marketed as such. Licensed comic books should be designed to engage readers to narrow the gaps between fandoms. One fan who loves comics but doesn’t know anything about Ghostbusters now has input to a conversation about those who love the movies but aren’t into comic books. It’s a beautiful thing when it happens.

How can you not be excited for this?? And how is Batman not impressed??
How can you not be excited for this?? And how is Batman not impressed??

However, the key is knowing when and how to bring some of the lesser-known books back into the spotlight. Unfortunately for us, there are some publishers out there who are filling nearly their entire catalog with 80’s franchises that just don’t fit in today, let alone in the comic book format. If you’re immediately thinking of IDW Publishing and Dynamite Entertainment, you’d be correct. A Django/Zorro crossover? A Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3? Escape From New York? Angry Birds?? You get the point. Since Image’s recent explosion of actual content in creator-owned titles, the smaller guys (BOOM!, IDW, Dynamite, Titan) have all resorted to making these kind of unnecessary branded titles part of their flagship titles, which can only end up giving the industry creative constipation.

Was it popular once? IDW will give it a miniseries!
Was it popular once? IDW will give it a miniseries!

With the successful integration of comic books into mainstream media, it’s only natural that these corporations would try to capitalize on the success of these franchises. Each of your favorite franchises began as a lowly “hopeful,” and while some of the crappier ones might be here for now, only the great ones remain. It’s how Buffyverse is still running. It’s how A Song of Ice and Fire will likely continue after George R. R. Martin ends the saga. Licensed comic books let creators continue telling stories even when they think nobody is listening anymore.

by Sherif Elkhatib

Montgomery’s opinion:
Let me get this out in the open right off the bat: licensed comics are terrible. It’s hard to pin down exactly why, but I’m going to see if I can narrow it down to a few easily observed facts. And before you get all uppity with me and shriek in your halting bat language, “But Montgomery! Don’t you semi-regularly gush about one or more Transformers comics?” I do. But that doesn’t mean the genre is redeemed, and it doesn’t make me a hero: it just means I’m weak, along with everyone else who bought Super Pro.
super pro
The Properties
Perhaps the most glaring issue right from the start is the properties they insist on convincing us are worth reading. I referenced Super Pro, but have you ever actually seen it? This is taking up space on Marvel’s hard drives as we speak.I mean, as someone who takes football very seriously (read: I don’t take it seriously at all), this is the thing I buy to reassure myself that I can be taken seriously as a human who breathes air on this planet. I mean, check out those cute Puritan-influenced cleats he’s wearing. This is a man’s comic, no doubt. But seriously folks, more often than not, a licensed comic is nothing but a cynical cash grab from one giant corporation to another. There’s no love of either art going into it, and then you’re forced to ask: “Who’s supposed to want to buy this?” I mean, the love fans of football have for comics is legendary, and the stereotype of the football playing comic nerd is so old it’s almost worn out (not to editor: forgot my sarcasm tags). But it doesn’t stop there. Love the music of Kiss? Well now you can enjoy their nuanced aesthetic with none of their complicated rhyme scheme.
kiss comics
The Writing
A misguided relative actually bought me Super Pro #1. I read it because what, am I actually going to play football? Hell to the no. It’s a story that’s nearly impossible to resurrect from the graveyard of my prepubescent memory, but one thing was painfully clear even to my eight year-old brain: this was a comic written neither for fans of football, nor fans of comics. And that’s a problem deeply inherent to the genre. Because, more often than not, the cross polinization of properties is just an attempt to capitalize on something that’s already profitable, the resultant product cannot be something the violates the spirit of either thing. It cannot offend the sensibilities of either fan base, but that almost curses it to appealing to neither fan base. Super Pro, if you care (which you almost certainly don’t) is the tragic story of a football player who gets injured nearly to death. He’s brought back from the brink courtesy of a mechanical football uniform so that he can continue… to… play football? But then realizes he’s more than just feetsballs throw man, and fights… crime? I mean, apart from about fifteen moments where I have to stop and ask, “Uh, why?”, that premise sounds like it comes straight from the mouth of that uncle we all have who hates comics and doesn’t respect us for our love. Because the end result shits on the heads of anyone who might possibly want it, every step toward that end result is just as insulting and just as steamy.Oh so, I guess I’ll just buy an adaptation of the thing I already have?!transformers the movie the comic book
Perhaps the most prevalent reason for licensed comics is the disease like pervasive presence of the “based on the hit movie” comic.Oh good, now I can be irritated, frustrated, and repulsed by one thing in two mediums.This is the point where I also have to stipulate that just because something sells, it does not mean it’s qualitatively good. I mean, everyone’s mom has a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey stashed under their mattress, but it’s not winning any awards any time soon. Right? God I hope not. I have to make that clear because comics are experiencing a sort of rebirth thanks to the herpes-like proliferation of comic book movies.

"Marvel: the herpes of comic books, but for movies."
“Marvel: the herpes of comic books, but for movies.”

I guess on one hand I have to be thankful for terrible ideas like the Avengers movie tie-in comic, but why does such a thing exist in the first place? “Duh, Montgomery,” you might start, “because people who saw the movie might want to get into comics, and this is their way in, you dumb sack of crap,” you might finish. And very rudely, I might add. And in your very rude retort (seriously, guy), you’ve proven my point: they’ve already seen the movie. Who needs to buy this comic? Apart from the compulsive collector, is there really an audience of people who like the idea of an Avengers movie enough to buy a comic based on the movie, but not enough to buy the actual comics that have been running for 50 years or to spend the $10 to see the movie in the theater? It’s a bizarre monster we’ve lived with all our lives but haven’t really noticed.

There are other reasons why licensed comics are terrible. The fact that tie-ins are often made before the movie knows what they’re doing, so you wind up with weird anachronisms; the art is just the worst, like really, do they even care; the fact that the licensed property is fenced-in so fiercely that even if it were a good idea in the first place, they don’t have much space to play around in. Really, we could talk until all the oxygen is gone, but just these three reasons should be enough to convince you to put down that comic book prequel to Transformers 5: Planet of The Earth and invest in some stocks. Or something.

by JH Montgomery

Fifty Two 80’s: A Totally Awesome Shop!

This month we are not going to review a single item, but rather we will review an entire era: the 1980s – yes, we went there. You may ask how we accomplished this feat of time travel? Was it Police Box, Delorean or a hot tub? No, we stepped through the threshold of a magical emporium called Fifty Two 80’s: a totally awesome shop.

5280s

Item/Place:

Fifty Two 80s a Totally awesome Shop!

 

What it is:

A store entirely dedicated to items right out the 80s and early 90s. These good people stock mostly toys, but also have some clothes and iconic posters from that era. Here’s just a short list of items I found of interest: Voltron with all the Lions, Garbage Pail Kids collector cards, GI-Joes from 84-89, a Captain America poster from the 80’s TV show, PeeWees Playhouse toys/videos, Plush Gizmo from Gremlins, WWF actions figures, and a full sized Chewbacca cardboard cutout. You can see many more of these items in the video above and the pictures below.

IMG_3187 IMG_3186 IMG_3183 IMG_3182 IMG_3181 IMG_3180 IMG_3178 IMG_3177 IMG_3174 IMG_3173

How Much it Costs:

The cost is so affordable you can’t miss the opportunity to go to this store and step back in time. Items range in price from a few dollars to around a hundred dollars. Most items I saw were under twenty bucks. These items are not in perfect or A+ condition and might be missing a few parts. That’s what makes this store special. Everything is meant to be enjoyed without having to spend a fortune to relive your childhood. This isn’t a thrift store either! All the items are laid out and displayed with care. If you are looking for something specific and they have it, you will find it. You don’t have to dig through bins or shelves of random brick-a-brack to find that special item that will trigger those joyous memories of your childhood.

Is It Worth It?:

This store is beyond worth it – from the casual to the hardcore collector and everyone in-between. I’m a casual collector and have some nearly mint items that could go for hundreds of dollars. The down side is, neither myself nor my kids really get to enjoy my collectable toys anymore because I’m trying to retain their value. Fifty Two 80’s gives you and your kids a chance to enjoy toys from the 1980’s and 90’s. These vintage toys are very inexpensive and in a condition that begs to be played with. While I was at Fifty Two 80s my eight year old son ran around this store discovering a whole new world of toys he’s never seen. We ended up getting three GI-Joes and a couple of loose Star Wars Micromachines for fifteen bucks! These prices will blow away any bargain you find on ebay. They do have some better condition items that go for more and even those are set at amazingly low prices. If you happen to be in south Denver, stop by Fifty Two 80s a Totally awesome shop. Talk to Tony or DeDe, the co-owners, about any item you find. They are very knowledgeable and totally awesome people!

5280s a Totally Awesome 1980s shop:

1874 S. Broadway, Denver CO 80210

Store Hours:

Wednesday – Friday from noon to 6 p.m.

Saturday- noon to 5 p.m.

Sunday – noon to 4 p.m.

Diggin’ Through the Crates: Wordburglar “Rap-Viper”

Artist: Wordburglar

Song: Rap-Viper

AlbumWelcome to Cobra Island (2013)

Lyric: “Back when Big Boa taught me how to box, in between swimming laps with Croc Master’s crocs.”

Character Reference/Meaning:

Have you been feeling a severe lack of G.I. Joe in your life lately? Well, thankfully for you, I’m about to attempt to spit some Cobra knowledge on you. However, I am truly only a messenger of music and my latest delivery comes all the way from Cobra Island and Wordburglar’s pen. This entire song is in dedication to G.I. Joe and Cobra Commander. Scratch that – this whole ALBUM is dedicated to Joes and Cobras. So when looking at this song, it was pretty difficult to choose one lyric that stood out, but I believe the one I chose is pretty badass.

Let me give you a run down on why this particular lyric is awesome. Wordburglar learned how to box from Big Boa.

Oh no big deal, he can fight, whatever. RIGHT AND WRONG.

Big Boa is only the person Cobra Commander looks upon to test the level of a Joe’s pain tolerance. He is basically one bad MoFo.

So what, he can torture real good, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to fight. RIGHT AND WRONG, AGAIN.

Big Boa also has upwards of ten years-experience training the Cobra Troopers and is well known for being a fairly competent fighter who can subdue almost any opponent in physical combat. So if Big Boa is your Tae Bo instructor, you ought to start preparing yourself to be a killing machine; sorry, you have no choice. But hold up, wait a minute. Let me put some crocs up in it.

My guess is that Wordburglar has spent some quality time on Cobra Island, and during his stay he probably had some good laughs, fun adventures, and tons of excitement. So even though the island is covered with security crocadiles supplied by Guard-Gators Inc., whose founder is the one and hopefully only Croc Master, it sure didn’t stop Wordburglar from floating down the lazy and terrifying river. It’s probably a good thing that Croc Master was on the Island with Cobra and Big Boa because those training sessions can get pretty tiring. Trust me, I had a 2 week membership for this same program but I had to quit because I didn’t have enough time to watch my shows, and I need my shows.

And we all know that there is nothing more relaxing and frightening than swimming laps with hostile, psychotic, hungry, man-eating, and fast crocodiles. That’s just common knowledge as well as a common leisurely activity. It’s pretty obvious that Wordburglar is just trying to buy an in to join the Cobra Troopers, and at this rate he might actually do it. So next time you journey onto Cobra Island, be safe, and send a postcard.

Written by Evan Lowe