Game of a Thrones Review “First of His Name” S4E5

I took the Game of Thrones personality quiz and I ended up in the house of Stark. The unlucky Starks have been pushed out of buildings and publicly beheaded, so at first glance they don’t seem like a clan you’d want to roll with. Unless you happen to be Arya Stark. Then it’s ok.

SPOILER ALERT! READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK. (Too bad Catelyn Stark didn’t get the same warning.)

For some reason one quote from last week’s episode, Oath Keeper, kept running through my mind in anticipation of this week’s First of His Name. Littlefinger hissed, “Keep your foes confused.” This one liner was a subtle hint to prepare us for this week’s bombshell.

Tommen crown

We open with the crowning of King Tommen. He is clearly not torturing neighborhood cats or taping “kick me” signs on the backs of the socially inept like his deceased brother. Long live Joffery! Tommen is now Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, (for whatever that is worth.) With dragon-led slave rebellions and White Walkers adopting kids like Brad and Angelina, we’ll see how long his rule lasts. He seems unsure about his station, but excited about his new crush. Margaery still has her heart set on being queen. They share a tender moment from afar until Cersei interrupts. That moment offered Cersei a perfect opportunity to confront Margaery. Both women are now widowed queens. Both of their husbands had been murdered and they seem to understand that. Cersei, for the first time, shows vulnerability when speaking on how much of a monster her son was. She finally admits her discontent with Joffery and we see a side to her we thought never existed. But both women are still playing the game. The throne can be manipulated by whomever the king takes as council. Yet another hint from last week, this time from Tywin.

Danearys is reveling over her victory in Meereen. We find her in war council. News of Joffery’s death has reached her and she seeks to take King’s Landing. But every action has an opposite reaction. The slaves she had previously liberated have fallen victim to even worse circumstances. She proclaims, “I will do what queens do, I will rule.”

Dragon

Somehow this choice seems far more dangerous for the Lannisters. If Dany decides to create a new kingdom in the Westeros, everything around it may come crumbling down.

Littlefinger takes Sansa to the Bloody Gate and he is welcomed as Lord Bealish. Sansa is greeted by her bat-shit crazy aunt, Lysa Arryn, and somehow she feels safe. It is quickly revealed that Lysa poisoned Jon Arryn, former Hand of The King to Robert Baratheon, by the command of her lover Petyr Bealish! He also instructed her to write the letter to her sister Catelyn accusing the Lannisters of the deed. So Littlefinger is behind all of the fucked up things that have happened in the Westeros! And if that’s not crazy enough, he and Lysa have what must be the least sexy sex scene in the whole series without even being on screen. “Uuuuuughhgh!”

Lysa’s love for Bealish is real. Creepy, but real. In a fit of jealousy she confronts Sansa. The deranged lover reveals the plan to force Sansa to wed her child son Robin and become Lady of the Vale. Ew. Sansa is mortified and may finally realize that no one in the Westeros is to be trusted.

Tywin and Cersei have a heart-to-wallet talk. The Tyrells have the resources they need to run the Seven Kingdoms, with out them the Iron Bank of Braavos will foreclose on their property, regardless if they pass GO.

Arya is the baddest character on the show…say something! She recites the names on her kill list by camp fire. She can’t sleep until she says the names of those she means to slaughter.

Arya

The Hound tells her to be quiet, until she insists on completing the names. He is shocked to find out that his own name is the last on that list.

Cersei greets Oberyn. She wants revenge for her son and she hopes that she can manipulate him into a guilty verdict for Tyrion. She asks him, “What good is power if you cannot protect the ones you love?”

Dorne

In another heartfelt moment she asks that he look after her daughter Myrcella. He says that she is safe in Dorne, Cersei replies coldly, “Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls.” Can we say foreshadowing?

Bran, Hodor, Meera and Jojen are still Karl’s captives at Craster’s Keep. Locke found them as The Knight’s Watch prepared their attack on the deserters, but he has plans to kidnap Bran before Jon realizes his brother was ever there. Karl plans on raping Bran’s companion Meera when the siege begins. As Locke tries to escape with Bran, he uses his Warg ability and possess Hodor’s mind! In epic fashion he snaps Locke’s neck and the band is back on their way north to find the Three-eyed raven. But the GoT kill of the week goes to Jon Snow. In Mortal Kombat fatality mode he impales Karl through the mouth with his blade. It is one of the most gruesome scenes in the entire series.

Jonsnow

Finally, Ghost (Jon’s Dire Wolf) has his revenge on the final mutineer and is reunited with his bonded companion.

Next Week! The Laws of Gods and Men. We will see the liberation of Theon Greyjoy and the trial of Tyrion Lannister!

Pictures courtesy of nerdist.com and mtv.com

Sent from my iPad

Shut Up and Take My Money: Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Canister

The money in our bank account is limited, so how unfair is it that there are endless gadgets, collectibles and toys out there that demand to be purchased? Let us help you sift through the crap, so you don’t can save that hard-earned cash for the things that deserve it. In other words, we give you the power to go to the counter and say, “Shut Up and Take My Money!”

shut-up-and-take-my-money

Item: Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Canister

What it is: Holy Mother of Dragons, Batman! HBO and Game of Thrones have released a cookie jar based of the design of one of Khaleesi’s dragon eggs. Rhaegal (the dragon that hatches from the green egg; there are also Viserion and Drogon who hatch from other-colored eggs) may be growing up and are causing a ruckus throughout the Seven Kingdoms, but Thronies like myself remember when they were precious cargo, thought to never hatch. The eggs themselves are beautifully painted and definitely looks like a dragon egg is supposed to. Plus, they hold cookies

How Much it Costs: This ceramic piece of destiny will run you $30. You can find it all over: from Amazon to ThinkGeek to the HBO Store. I’m not sure how long they’ll be available, as collectibles like this aren’t as hot of a commodity, but tend to disappear to the barren wastelands of eBay, where people love to upcharge collectibles like this for 200-300% of the original price.

Is It Worth It?: At $30, this dragon egg is considerably less than the cost of raising an army to challenge the Iron Throne, but more than the monthly cost of subscribing to HBO to watch GoT. When you look at buying an actual cookie jar, $30 sounds down-right expensive. I mean, it’s an item that is likely to sit around and collect crumbs for years. However, this is no ordinary cookie jar; this is Daenerys Targaryen’s dragon egg we’re talking about here. Friends will envy you and enemies will fear you with this cookie jar at your side!

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mmmm…. cookie….

Bottom Line: If eating cookies and watching Game of Thrones is your thing, this is for you. It might clutter up the kitchen, but it could add some flavor to your home, especially if you are a GoT enthusiast. This is the kind of things Birthday gifts were made of, easily justifiable for a friend, but hard to justify to spend on yourself. However you plan on eating your baked goods, join Game of Thrones for the Season 4 premiere, airing on April 6, 2014.

Photos credited to HBO Television

Written by Sherif Elkhatib