The month of February had a few definite winners, but an overall quiet turnout. March kicks it up a notch with some highly-anticipated movies of all genres, a horde of the dam undead, as well as a few notable independents.
March 6 – Chappie
Starring: Sharlto Copley, Dev Patel, Sigourney Weaver, Hugh Jackman
First of all, Sigourney Weaver looks like a total bitch in this movie. Second of all, if Chappie dies, I’m done. After District 9, a movie I went through an extra-large box of Kleenex while watching, I decided that Neill Blomkamp is pretty good at this job. When I saw the trailer for Chappie, I knew I had to see it. I have an obsession with robots, especially those will feelings. Watching the trailer alone gives me chills, especially when Chappie pretends to be He-Man. If you don’t tear up, you aren’t human…or should I say robot? Oh, and you better believe I’ll be seeing this THIS weekend. – Adrian
March 6 – Road Hard
Starring: Adam Carolla, Larry Miller, Jay Mohr, David Allen Grier
If 8 Mile was the psuedo-biography of Marshall Mathers’ life, then Road Hard is the story of Adam Carolla’s life. I remember watching Carolla on The Man Show with Jimmy Kimmel almost a decade ago, and thought he was hilarious. Well, what happens when the lights fade? What happens when all somebody knows how to do is make people laugh? This looks to be a depressing, but overall uplifting film. With guest spots from a slew of other actors that are still funny, but just have not been in the limelight recently. The film becomes available for digital download on the same day as its limited release, so it’s worth checking out. – Sherif
March 6 – Faults
Starring: Leland Orser, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, John Gries, Lance Reddick, Beth Grant, Chris Ellis
While the beginning of this trailer had me laughing, but by the end I was rocking myself with my knees to my chest. It was a bad feeling. Honestly, I’m still rocking. It’s making typing very difficult. Faults follows an expert on cults and his attempt to deprogram a girl whose parents hire him to help their daughter. Things take a very scary turn when it turns out the girl can outsmart the expert. I am so terrified, but kinda want to see this movie. – Adrian
March 6 – Two Men in Town
Starring: Forest Whitaker, Harvey Keitel, Ellen Burstyn, and Luis Guzmán
I don’t know if it was the fact that Forest Whitaker is acting gold that sold me or the obvious fact this was filmed in New Mexico. But the plot looks really good, too. A remake of a French film of the same name, Two Men in Town, follows a criminal freshly released from prison. His attempt to be on the straight and narrow is put at stake when his old gang family tries to get him back and when a sheriff becomes obsessed with him. The update includes a lot of details for today’s day-in-age and some religious undertones. This indie is one for people who love crime dramas. – Adrian
March 13 – Cinderella
Starring: Lily James, Richard Madden, Cate Blanchett, Helena Bonham Carter, Stellan Skarsgârd, Derek Jacobi, and Hayley Atwell.
While the marketing for this movie has been terrible, I am still excited for it. If you follow my works on Hush, you might think this strange. “But aren’t you a feminist, Adrian?” “Aren’t you the girl who doesn’t need saving?” Well, you would be right; however, Cinderella was my all-time kids movie. I learned how to work the VCR circa 1990 just for Cinderella. I watched it EVERY DAY between 1990 and 1992. I know all the songs. I love the dress. I love how elegant it all is. Sure, Cinderell-y gets saved by the Prince, but I still like it. Why is the marketing terrible for the live-action film, you may ask? Let me tell you: they showed the whole damn movie in the preview. I will still pay big bucks to see the movie because it reminds me of being a little girl wearing an apron and talking to my invisible Gus-Gus and Jacque, but I don’t know how anything will be different from what has already been previewed. – Adrian
March 13 – Run All Night
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ed Harris, Joel Kinnaman, and Common
Liam Neeson is back!! He’s got a very particular set of skills. Skills he’s acquired over a long career. Skills that make him a nightmare for people like… Oh – hold on folks… I’m being told that despite appearances Run All Night is NOT the fourth installment of the Taken franchise. My mistake people! I guess what this movie is really about is how Jimmy Conlon (Neeson), in the act of saving his son by shooting the would-be-murderer, initiates a deadly manhunt at the behest of a powerful mob boss (who just so happens to be Jimmys’s long time buddy) leaving Jimmy and son no other choice than to “run all night” and escape. Hold on – gotta check something… Yep, just double confirming that this indeed is NOT the next Taken. Hard to believe, I know, but ‘tis true. Don’t stress though – this movie actually looks good. Ed Harris plays a role and he typically adds a lot to the screen. The plot feels promising and has potential for depth. And, best of all, it’ll have Neeson killing people with the grace of a swan gliding to a gentle halt on top of a glistening and peaceful lake… … of blood. It’s not Taken <aside to editor “you sure?!?”>, but it’s the next best thing. Go and get you some Hushters! – Taylor
March 13 – The Cobbler
Starring: Adam Sandler, Dan Stevens, Dustin Hoffman, Steve Buscemi, Method Man
Wonder what it would be like to walk in somebody else’s shoes? After nearly a dozen failed blockbusters, I bet Adam Sandler does, too! As a cobbler – I had no idea that profession still existed – Simkin (Sandler) finds that he has the ability to actually become the people who inquire his services once he slips into their shoes. It’s a cute concept, and I’m more intrigued by the director, Thomas McCarthy, than by the all-star cast. McCarthy directed Paul Giamatti’s Win Win, and starred in Season 5 of The Wire (as the despicable writer, Scott Templeton). This film win wins if it can be profound and funny, without being cliché or cheesy. – Sherif
March 13 – Home Sweet Hell
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Katherine Heigl, Jordana Brewster, Kevin McKidd, and Jim Belushi
Maybe I’m sick. Maybe I’m twisted. Maybe I’m the only one who still liked Izzy Stevens in Grey’s Anatomy even after Katherine Heigl got too vocal. But this movie really sparks my interest. Katherine Heigl plays Mona, a type A uptight housewife who schedules sex. Her husband, Patrick Wilson as Don, has an affair with none other than Jordana Brewster and gets her pregnant. And that’s all the funny part. Mona finds out and proceeds to murder the mistress. This leads to having to murder a whole bunch of other people. And while this all doesn’t sound hilarious at all while I’m typing it, the preview makes it look hysterical. It’s like Dexter, but with more jokes! – Adrian
March 20 – The Gunman
Starring: Sean Penn, Idris Elba, Javier Bardem
I’m not sure how many times this concept has been done, but it’s surely OVER the recommended amount – most recently with John Wick. Retired spy/hitman/agent lives in peace, dealing with his “demons.” Something unrelated happens that requires said spies/hitmen/agents to be wiped out. Said “demons” become unleashed, and un-retired spy/hitman/agent unleashes hell on the organization he used to work for and two hours of cleaning house ensue… I may have just written the synopsis for 100 movies from the past two decades. Anyway, you throw Idris Elba in there and I’m pretty much a sucker for an Elba movie, but otherwise would dismiss this as another example of Hollywood redundancy. The movie is based off the 2002 noir novel, The Prone Gunman, by Jean-Patrick Manchette, so maybe there is something I’m missing. – Sherif
March 20 – Tracers
Starring: Taylor Lautner, Marie Avgeropoulos (The 100), Adam Rayner
This is basically Joseph Gordon Levitt’s Premium Rush with a lot more parkour. I’m not even sure why I added it to the list of movies, because I would rather sit through two hours of zombie beavers than watch this. While Taylor Lautner will no doubt attract whatever is left of the ravaged and ashamed group of Twilight followers, and it is intriguing that Lautner did most of his own stunts in this movie, the premise of the movie looks plain dumb. A group of hardcore parkour (hardkour?) enthusiasts decide to save Cam (Lautner) from a group of gangsters because they are impressed by his athleticism. I’m curious to see if anybody is about that hardkour lifestyle come March 20 – Sherif
March 20 – Zombeavers
Starring: Rachel Melvin, Cortney Palm, Lexi Atkins, Hutch Dano, and JOHN MAYER. That’s right, John Freaking Mayer is in this movie. The actual John Mayer.
Oh god dammit. This is the worst most stupid thing I’ve ever heard of. I’ve watched the trailer (don’t) and I’ve read the synopsis and that, ladies and gentlemen is where my relationship with this movie will end. Basically, a group of girls heads up to the woods for some partying and “hey let’s take off our clothes and make out with each other because apparently that’s what girls do” time. While being topless morons making out and hanging out on a dock, one of them disturbs a beaver dam that is full of rabid or undead beavers or some stupid shit, and they therefore unleash a plague of bloodthirsty beavers and gross puns upon society (I get it, beaver means vagina – ENOUGH ALREADY). I’ve never been one to shy away from a bad horror comedy, I love cheeseball and really crappy SFX and animatronics, but Zombeavers is a must miss for me. I think the female sexploitation thing has run its course and I choose to believe that most men can no longer be pandered to by the promise of topless bitches kissing each other. I’m sure the movie will have its moments, after all the beavers appear to be robotic puppets and I laughed out loud at them attacking a small dog because it looked so incredibly absurd, but in no way will those few moments of goofiness pay off for this disaster in its entirety. – Keriann
March 20 – Danny Collins
Starring: Al Pacino, Jennifer Garner, Annette Benning, Bobby Cannavale, and Christopher Plummer
Al Pacino is old! And so is his character, Danny Collins, in the upcoming film Danny Collins. Inspired by true events (about who, I don’t really know), this film explores the life of a famous song writer who rides stardom and recognition into his golden years when he finds a hand written and signed letter from legend, John Lennon. The praising letter was addressed to Danny decades ago and when he was a much younger man. Danny is struck with the realization that he’s a very different person than he was all those years ago and now is the time to get back in touch with that younger dude. This includes moving to a new town, finding love again, reconnecting with his abandoned daughter and (very buff and very angry) son-in-law, and writing music like it was 1200 B.C.!! I might have overshot that a bit… In any case Danny Collins looks like it will be a light-hearted feel-good flick. We all need one of those every once in a while. – Taylor
March 20 – Accidental Love
Starring: Jessica Beil, Jake Gyllenhaal, Catherine Keener, James Marsden, Tracy Morgan, James Brolin, Paul Reubens and Kirstie Alley
Accidental Love looks like a movie I would watch while sick in bed. That’s not a bad thing! I love independent goofy movies.. I just only seem to have time to watch them when I’m sick in bed. Jessica Biel and James Marsden fall in love, until Jessica Biel gets shot in the head with a nail gun. She does some pretty hilarious stuff, especially while at work as a roller skating waitress. This may be Biel’s most comedic role yet. The rest of the movie looks like a little bit of a commentary on health insurance and love. – Adrian
March 20 – Divergent: Insurgent
Starring: Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Octavia Spencer, Jai Courtney, and Kate Winslet
Let’s talk about Divergent for a little bit. I read the book in the weeks leading up to the movie – a movie experience is always enhanced by reading the book first (side note – READ BOOKS!!). For me, the book was a bit slow, filled with too much teeny romance and the big “oh shit” moment felt incredibly forced. Greater appreciation aside, the movie was not much better. It wasn’t bad, just very forgettable. THEN… some months go by and the teaser for Insurgent drops. Did you see it?!?! I first saw it in theaters and once it was over I turned to my movie-buddy and said, “I think that teaser was better than the entire first movie.” I know little about the specifics of Insurgent and I’m going to opt out of the “enhance experience by reading book” option this time and let the film determine whether or not I should pick up the second and third novels. All released footage thus far hints that this sequel will be more action-packed than the last (a much easier sell for girls trying to get their guys to the theater). But action alone won’t save this series. I need less gushy romance and a more developed storyline. Improvements in these areas will get me back in the theater this month to check out Insurgent. – Taylor
March 27 – Get Hard
Starring: Will Ferrell, Kevin Hart, Edwina Findley, Alison Brie, T.I.,
Two of comedy’s heavy hitters look to combine their powers in this slap-sticky movie about stereotypes and prison humor. If you’ve seen the Red Band trailer, then you know Get Hard will not be for the easily-offended. I haven’t been this excited for a comedy since Neighbors, which doesn’t really say much since I was only kind of excited about that… What I love about this movie, at least from the trailers, is how complementary Hart and Ferrell’s sense of humor are. Ferrell is so casual about his humor, and Hart is great at reacting to it. I also never thought I would see a movie with both Community‘s Alison Brie and rapper T.I. in it. – Sherif
March 27 – Home
Starring: Rihanna, Jim Parsons, Jennifer Lopez, Steve Martin, Matt Jones (Badger from Breaking Bad)
How did this lovable kid’s flick fly under the radar – especially with a cast this awesome?? Rihanna voices little Tip, a teenage girl who befriends Oh, an alien of the Boov race set to invade Earth. Oh is not well-liked among his own race, but befriends Tip and tries to stop the Boov invasion. The best part of this has to be that Oh is voiced by Big Bang Theory‘s Sheldon Cooper, already a believable alien. DreamWorks (same geniuses behind How to Train Your Dragon) have been working on this film since 2008, and I just heard about it a couple weeks ago. Unforgivable. If you have kids, you better go take them to see Home! – Sherif
March 27 – The Riot Club
Starring: Max Irons, Sam Caitlin, Douglas Booth, and Natalie Domer
Rich white boys who are sick of poor people. #FirstWorldProblems. So why am I intrigued by this film? It could be because of Sam Caitlin and Natalie Dormer. Or it could be because I don’t think this will be a cry-baby story about rich kids who want to do bad things. I think there could be a moral. Plus it’s British. It is already better than American things. – Adrian
March 27 – While We’re Young
Starring: Ben Still, Naomi Watts, Adam Driver, Amanda Seyfried, Ad-Rock from the Beastie Boys?
This growin’ up stuff is hard; even into your 30’s and 40’s, people struggle with the concept of adulthood and what it means to lead their lives. When boring couple Josh and Cornelia (Stiller and Watts) encounter a younger, happier couple in Jamie and Darby (Driver and Seyfried), there is a spark that causes an identity crisis in the older couple. Mid-life crisis or born-again metamorphosis? Either way, Ben Stiller always seems to do well in his dramatic roles (Walter Mitty), so I will happily see what kind of tortured soul he is playing now. – Sherif
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