Breaking Bad Week – Top Quotes

The dialogue in Breaking Bad is the baseline for what makes the show so enjoyable.  It’s smart and funny.  It is packed with a lot a punch.  There are very few things that are said that don’t mean more than what it first appears as.  It is also one of the most quoted pieces of modern pop-culture.  It suddenly doesn’t seem inappropriate to yell “Bitch!” at someone or gruffly tell them to “apply yourself.”  It was difficult to narrow the list to only seven, as there are so many great ones,  but we felt these were the best of the best.

7. How Walt Lives His Life: 

“To hell with your cancer. I’ve been living with cancer for the better part of a year. Right from the start, it’s a death sentence. That’s what they keep telling me. Well, guess what? Every life comes with a death sentence, so every few months I come in here for my regular scan, knowing full well that one of these times – hell, maybe even today – I’m gonna hear some bad news. But until then, who’s in charge? Me. That’s how I live my life.” – Walter White

This may be the most honest Walt has been the entire series, and it was to a total stranger in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. He is angry he has cancer, but that has never let him hold back in the two years we have known him. While it seems like an inspirational quote on the surface, Walt has lost the desire to live, and he really doesn’t care when the cancer comes back. At points in the timeline, Walt actually wishes that the cancer would come back; he has enough money to leave his family. Walt’s Heisenberg alter-ego is his way of coping with the cancer. He’s created this “big bad” persona that always has an answer to an issue that arrives, the anti-Walt, if you will, but it’s really just a coping mechanism that helps him feel in control of his cancer.

6. The Chemistry Must be Respected:

Walt: “You believe I have some proprietary kind of selfishness about my own formula? Some sort of overweening pride that you think simply overwhelms me, clouds my judgment?”
Gus: “But it doesn’t?”
Walt: “Absolutely not. I simply respect the chemistry. The chemistry must be respected.”

What a smug asshole. He could have been out of the game cleanly right here.

In this scene, Walt finds out that Jesse has been entrusted in taking over Gus’ operation and been manufacturing Walt’s signature blue meth. Offended by this, Walt convinces Gus that Jesse is nothing but a burn-out junkie that must be “supervised” during cooks and that a quality of “more or less that he has come to expect” is still not Heisenberg Level (although, technically, Heisenberg level is only 92%). Walt gets very snobby and denies that there is any conceit in his words, but simply that he is so in love with Chemistry that he could not bear to have this product cooked by anybody less-deserving. Gus cleverly sees right through all the bullshit, as he was just letting Jesse cook the product to lure Walt back. Gus shows Walt the lab and convinces Walt that he needs to be a man and provide for his family, forever setting Walt back on the bad path for the remainder of the show.

5. ASAC Schrader is Really the Smartest Guy We Know:

“You want me to beg? You’re the smartest guy I ever met, and you’re too stupid to see—he made up his mind ten minutes ago.” – ASAC Hank Schrader

It was silly for Walt to ever think that he could pay the Aryan’s off when they still had the opportunity to sack a DEA agent, who they know would have gotten them all arrested eventually.  Hank knew that with these types of criminals, when they have that chance and get 80 million dollars for free, they are going to jump on it.  And his words to Walt were the things we all have wanted to say to Walt.  He is so smart, but the entire show has been too stupid to see… well pretty much everything. His judgment has always been clouded by his family or his pride. And as we find out, he cannot have both.

4. You Knew the “Empire Business” Would Make the Cut:

“Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business. Neither. I’m in the empire business.” – Walter White

So back to the pride thing… Walt’s still butt-hurt that Gretchen and Elliott “screwed” him out of Grey Matter Technologies, a company that Walt helped build, but ultimately walked out on because of some weird relationship with he and Gretchen. Anyway, his own pride kept him from staying with Gray Matter and his own pride is what keeps him as Heisenberg. When Drew Sharp is murdered, it’s the end for Mike and Jesse. They want to sell the methylamine and be done for good, something that they are well-justified in doing after dissolving the body of a teenager. Walt has this delusion that the drug empire he has built will be a fair substitute for the one that he missed out on with Gretchen, and refusing to give up the methylamine to Jesse and Mike add one more crack to the mirror image of Walter White.

3. You Also Knew “Say My Name” Would Make the Cut:

Walt: “Now, say my name”
Declan: “Heisenberg”
Walt: “You’re God damn right.”

Who’s the bitch now?!

There goes that pride thing again! At this point in the series, Walt has a major hard-on for himself. He’s murdered the drug kingpin of Albuquerque and established himself as the all-powerful Heisenberg, with a ruthlessness as fine-tipped as his product. After convincing a hesitant Mike to make a new deal for the methylamine, Walt meets up with Declan, the kingpin of Phoenix. We don’t know anything about Declan, but we do know that Phoenix is supposed to be a bigger player than ABQ in the meth game, so this dude is a big deal. Walt doesn’t care; he’s taken on the Cartel for Christ’s sake. He nixes the original deal and tells Declan, a presumably-dangerous man Walt has never met, that he now works for him. When Declan laughs at the idea, not knowing who Walt is, Walt elaborates. “I’m the man that killed Gus Fring.” Ahhh, snaps! He proceeds to make Declan his bitch by making him say Walt’s street name.

2. It’s How We All Feel, Jesse:

“I am not turning down the money! I’m turning down you! You get it?! I want nothing to do with you! Ever since I met you, everything I ever cared about is gone! Ruined, turned to shit, dead, ever since I hooked up with the great Heisenberg!” – Jesse Pinkman

Jesse sees things more clearly, even if it’s through one eye.

It’s a surprise that this quote only comes half-way through the third season. Jesse had been through a lot up to that point, losing both Combo and Jane, not to mention having murdered a man. And while Walt saved him from Hank at the junkyard, there was nobody around to stop Hank from beating the ever-living crap out of Jesse at his own home. In what some could call a two-season long bitch-fest, Jesse breaks down in his hospital bed and refuses to work with Walt ever again. It’s a tragic statement so vivid that, no matter how you end up feeling about Jesse (we love him, btw), you can’t help but feel sorry for him. He has had everything taken away from him since beginning his time working with Walt. Unfortunately, money overrules foresight, as Jesse goes back to work with Walt. As everybody in Breaking Bad will eventually discover, this quote applies to more than just Jesse.

1. Knock, Knock. Who’s there?:

“You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in: I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!” – Walter White

If there was one line of Breaking Bad that sums up the entire show, it’s this one right here. Skyler wakes up Walt and asks him about Gale Boetticher, she is frightened at the notion that the people Walt work with killed Gale and may do the same to Walt. She is sincerely worried about Walt and her family, pleading with Walt to turn himself in, that he was obviously in need of help and in way too deep. Walt, not one to allow anybody to make him seem weak, barks back at Skyler and makes himself look like a cold-hearted killer. In essense, his own arrogance destroys a family dynamic that was barely there in the first place.

Thanks for reading our Top Breaking Bad quotes. There was so many more we wanted to add, but we didn’t want to double dip moments by mentioning them more than once in our Breaking Bad Week articles. Stay tuned tomorrow for our Funniest Breaking Bad Moments article in the meantime (isn’t it hard to remember a time when this show was actually funny?), but in the mean time, let us know what your favorite quote from the show was below!

All photos and videos courtesy of AMC Television

Breaking Bad Week – Character Defining Moments (SPOILERS!)

A greatness of a show is best defined by its characters. What they experience adds to the gravity of the situations they are in. Some characters in the show grow, while some characters simply show the same nature throughout the show. While we realize we could do this for many more characters, we wanted to the severity of each defining moment to really be one that makes you identify with the series just as well as with the character. Plus, we had to keep with the theme of sevens. Also keep in mind that we were very torn with some of these, and even crossed out a few that were the top selection but appear elsewhere in our Breaking Bad Week articles. Make sure you vote for your favorite Character Defining Moments in the polls below each character. In alphabetical order, here we go:

Gustavo Fring: Poisoning himself to kill Don Eladio

Gus has always been a professional, at and away from a deep fryer. Always cold and calculating, Gus seems to have a contingency for everything that goes awry. Which is why he clashes with Walt and Jesse’s reckless actions throughout season three and four. After managing to separate the two chaotic partners, he ends up putting Jesse under the wing of Mike, his right-hand man and prepares to take Jesse to Mexico to teach the Cartel how to cook the blue; when the Cartel says that they will be keeping Jesse in Mexico, Gus does not flinch. He then negotiates with Don Eladio to ease troubled relations in the fallout of the Juan Bolsa/DEA attack. Gus seems compliant, even toasting the mended relationship with Zafireo Anejo tequila (like $8000 a bottle, yo!). As the cartel celebrates their victory, Gus quietly excuses himself to the restroom, lays out a towel in front of the toilet and then vomits. It turned at that the tequila was poisoned. As Gus returns to the party, most of the Cartel members have already succumbed to the poison. Gus gets his personal revenge on Don Eladio, but, not completely evacuated of the poison, doubles over. In almost-Shakespearean fashion, he tells the remaining people to “fill your pockets and leave in peace, or fight me and die!” What a total badass.

Captioned photo courtesy of vh1.com

Honorable Mention: In “Hermanos,” Gus and his chicken partner (AKA gay lover) Max present their case to Don Eladio in Mexico to pitch the idea of cooking methamphetamine for the Cartel. When conversation turns sour and Max begins pleading for Gus’ safety, Hector Salamanca draws his gun and shoots Max in the back of the head. This callous act puts Gus on a trajectory that he might not have been on otherwise. Max was the cook and Gus was the “Chicken Man.” Now, with hatred in his heart, Gus became the heartless killer that took down the entire Cartel.

Hank Schrader: “My name is ASAC Schrader, and you can go fuck yourself”

Hank is the character that, in my opinion, experienced the most growth in the five seasons we’ve known him. From the guy who was the joke of the DEA, Hank has worked his way up the ranks to become a high-ranking officer and very capable detective. His life was his work, whether or not he was in the right of the law. Knowing that admitting to the office that his own family was the Heisenberg that had been avoiding him all this time, Hank was willing to give up his career to get the proof he needs to put Walt away for good. While he certainly avoids treading lightly, he goes out with such resolve that you actually end up hating Walt for it, even though he tried everything possible to stop it. Hank dies a hero and that’s more of an honor than any other dead person can say on this show.

Ain’t nobody put Hank in the corner.

Honorable Mention: When I say that Hank is ready to give up his career to catch the Heisenberg, I mean that Hank is willing to break the law in order to do so. He takes Walt, a civilian, on his ride-alongs to get evidence on Gus, not to mention the tracking devices he places (without warrant or DEA knowledge) on Gus and Walt’s car. He follows Mike around without a warrant, to the point where Saul has to intervene and remind him how illegal it is. And in the few episodes where he finally catches Walt at To’hajiilee, he: bugs Walt’s house without a warrant, lies to Huell and places an officer at his door to keep him from leaving, and stealing police evidence to work on at home.

Jesse Pinkman: Problem dog speech/NA blow-up

Quite the antithesis of Hank, Jesse has experienced the most decay throughout the series. Who was once a silly high-school burnout, Jesse has undergone so much personal tragedy. He’s been kicked out and abandoned by his family, he’s had one of his best friends killed and woke up next to his lover dead, not to mention that he’s had his ass beat several times. More damaging, though, he killed a man who was pretty innocent, in the scene of things. So going into season four, he is a fucking hot mess. His one release comes in the form of Narcotics Anonymous meetings. While he is also hustling recovering addicts to sell them meth on the side, he genuinely feels like he can talk about his pain. However, when he compares the murder of Gale to putting down a “problem dog,” the other members refuse to relieve him of responsibility, sending a hurting Jesse on the defensive and telling everybody that he is just there to sell them meth. In turn, he shuts down the one door he had towards emotional recovery and never really gets better.

You’re nothing to me but customers! I made you my bitch! You okay with that? Huh? You accept?

Honorable Mention: More tragedy… After the start of season five, Jesse looks to be bouncing back. He has come up with some ingenious plans with magnets, and the train heist. Down to all the tiny details (including the fluid density differences), Jesse is proving himself to be a valuable commodity. And it has to be noted that he does all of this without any violence. That is, until Todd AKA Toddfuck AKA Meth Damon decides it’s a good idea to shoot little 14 year old Drew Sharp for stumbling upon them in the desert. Jesse is crushed. Like Gonzo crushed. It’s this incident that gets Jesse permanently out of cooking, but unfortunately not out of the game. It’s fun to imagine what would have been if Jesse had continued growing with Mike believing in him, and not the snowball of shit that played out.

Mike Ehrmantraut: “No more half measures”

Mike is always the coolest cucumber in the room, but it’s not too hard to believe that he can lose his cool from time to time. In a speech to Walt about risking getting into business with Jesse, still on drugs, he tells the account of a domestic violence case. In the story, he speaks of his big man who would beat his tiny wife and every weekend, she would beg them not to arrest him and that she was afraid of him. One night, when Mike’s partner is out sick, he takes this man into the middle of nowhere and puts a gun in his mouth, threatening the man that, “So help me if you ever touch her again I will such and such and such and such and blah blah blah blah blah.” When he releases the man, he murders his wife two weeks later. The moral of the story is to take no half-measures. It’s the realization that Mike is inherently a good guy, but more so that he is willing to go to extraordinary lengths to ensure his job is complete – which we infer that Mike had, in turn, murdered the man and broke bad.

Honorable Mention: With Walt planning to murder Gus, he thinks he can still get Mike on his side to do it. Walt invites Mike to a bar to try to manipulate Mike and it does NOT work. As soon as Mike figures out what Walt is doing, he cracks him in the face and thanks him for the drink. It’s an ode to the loyalty that Mike has, as well as his consistency as a character.

Saul Goodman: Old Yeller

Always the sneaky scumbag lawyer, it isn’t until we see him part ways with Jesse that we see him for the opportunist that he is. While Saul and Jesse have never have a friendly relationship, I would like to think that the two of them have been through some pretty dangerous situations together. Jesse has grown under Saul’s tutelage, albeit only legally, but there should still be some type of personal connection. That’s why I was so appalled during “Rabid Dog” when Saul uses an Old Yeller euphemism to suggest that Walt simply put Jesse out after Jesse goes crazy and tries to burn Walt’s house down. It’s a despicable act that reveals Saul’s true nature. He is out for him, and while he may still show some loyalty to Walt, it’s 99% money and 1% due to the fact that if Walt goes down, so does Saul. He’s a snake, plain and simple, but he’s funny and witty enough to carry his own series. I’m looking forward to see what kind of character he begins as in Better Call Saul.

“I should have never let me dojo membership run out”

Honorable Mention: In true lawyer etiquette, Saul refuses to be Walt and Jesse’s lawyer without being paid for it. In the middle of the desert with strange men pointing guns at his face, he still has the balls to ask them to play along because something tells me (as we should find out in the spin-off) this isn’t his first rodeo. He’s a criminal lawyer, but more importantly, he will always be a criminal lawyer.

Skyler White: Pretending to be crazy to save the children

Oh, Skyler. Poor Skyler; everybody seems to hate her! In truth, I’m not crazy about her either, but she had been put into such a difficult decision, as a wife and a mother. Unlike Lady Soprano, though, Skyler is weak. She buys into the naive idea that she can control her ego-driven husband, and it works for a bit, until Walt begins masturbating to the fact that he killed Gus. Skyler, feeling trapped and with nobody to turn on, her last cry for help is to fall in the pool and drown herself. Looking entirely bat-shit crazy to her children and family, the goal of having the children moved out of the house and out of danger is accomplished. She also takes a lot of shit from Jr. the entire series in trying to keep Walt from being conspicuous. It’s a tough but necessary role and I commend Anna Gunn for being ready to play it.

Honorable Mention: Enough is enough. After being forced to live in a hotel when Jesse spills gasoline all over the house, Skyler tells Walt to “handle” it, because in her mind, “What’s One More?” When that one more turns out to be her brother-in-law, Hank, Skyler can’t handle it. As Walt rushes to finish packing the family’s bags, Skyler grabs a knife and tells Walt to leave; that was the final straw. She slashes his hand when he approaches her and then violently lunges at him. Walt’s motto may have been “family first,” but Skyler had made up her mind that Walt was no longer a part of it.

Walter White: “Ozymandias”

Oh boy; this was definitely the most difficult decision. Walter White has undergone so much change; he’s gone from the loser chemistry teacher to frightening drug kingpin to frail (but no less dangerous) cancer carrier. In all those changes, though, he has always put his family first. This is not illustrated any more truly when he gives up everything in “Ozymandias.” Ignoring the fact that he offers $80 million dollars to the Aryans, he walks away from the family after he realizes he can’t be with them ever again. He tries his best to absolve Skyler of any involvement in the meth empire. He takes all the blame, something his arrogance and pride wouldn’t have let him do earlier in the show. In the ultimate sacrifice, he leaves Holly in a semi-safe place that will allow Skyler to get her back, it’s sad to see Walt, leaving alone with his money and nobody to give it to.

Honorable Mention: The great thing about Walt in Breaking Bad is that he is always responsible for bad things that happen, but he never seems to find himself responsible for events that happen. There’s no greater example of this than when Walt watches Jane die. He did not, in the strictest sense, kill her. But his inaction, Jane chokes on her own vomit and dies – a death that makes her distraught father cause the crash of Wayfarer 515 and the death of 167 people. This isn’t the only time Walt causes somebody’s death without actually killing them, as the demises of: Tomas Castillo, Gale Boetticher, Victor, Hector Salamanca, Gustavo Fring, Tyrus, the ten of Mike’s men in prison (including a lawyer), Steve Gomez and Hank Schrader are all due to Walt rocking the boat. The list isn’t complete either, as there’s sure to be plenty more rockin’ to do.

I hope you all liked our character defining moments. Stayed tuned for tomorrow’s Top Quotes. Let us know in the comments if there are any other character defining moments for the characters we didn’t list here.

Written by Sherif Elkhatib

All photos and videos courtesy of AMC Television.

Breaking Bad Week – Most Shocking Moments (SPOILERS!)

Holy Mother of *@&#^$*!!!!  Today we dedicate our Breaking Bad week article to the Most Shocking Moments, or more simply put, “Oh Shit!”  The entire series has been chock-full of moments where we all found ourselves jumping off of our couches, yelling gibberish out of anger or confusion, or having to pause our Netflix to take a walk around the block because it got to be too much.  Because there are so many moments like this in the series, you can bet your bottom dollar it was hard to compile a list of only seven moments.  But these we all felt were the best of the best, or if you rather, the blue stuff of shocking moments. 

7.) Your best course of action would be to tread lightly:

Vince Gilligan could have played it safe. Breaking Bad could have spent entire episodes tip-toeing and the fact that Hank knew that his own brother-in-law, the timid ex-chemistry teacher, had been the Heisenberg he had been chasing around Albuquerque for three plus seasons – and the fact that Walt knew he knew. Instead, both characters’ arrogance sends them colliding towards the most epic collision in the series to date; Hank closes the garage door behind Walt, then gives him the murder look before clocking walt square in the face. If this show was a chess game, Hank just flipped over the table and stabbed Walt with his bishop. What’s even better is that once Walt knows for sure he’s been outed, he doesn’t cut and run or backtrack – he threatens a federal agent and his own family member, telling him to “tread lightly.” Classic! It was a move that set the tone for the rest of the series and Breaking Bad has benefited from not pussy-footing around the discovery we knew, as viewers, had to happen. By not returning to status quo, we had a very tragic and definitive ending to a great show.

Image courtesy of http://imorawetz.deviantart.com/ She has great Breaking Bad stuff!

6.) “One Minute”

Now, while what we officially voted on for this shocking moment was “Hank vs. the Cousins,” there’s no way to simplify this thrill-fest of an episode to that one minute. The episode picks up with Hank pulling up at Jesse’s place after Hank finds out that the phone call about Marie’s car accident was just a ploy to lure  him away from the RV scene. As Hank pulls up to Jesse’s house, Jesse is sitting by the door, mocking Hank and telling him he has nothing to say and that Hank can’t prove anything. But Hank didn’t come to talk, as we soon find out. He cold cocks Jesse in the face so hard that he flies back onto the hardwood floor, where Hank proceeds to pummel Jesse’s face until he is unconscious. I thought he might even be dead… but he wasn’t. What he was, though, was ready to bring Hank’s life down in flames and ready to rat out Walt if Jesse ever got caught again. The speech Jesse makes in the hospital bed is borderline frightening: “You’re my free pass, bitch.” Hank, meanwhile, is reeling from the realization that his career in law enforcement might be over. He is suspended from duty and relieved of his firearm.

All that happens before Hank is attacked in a supermarket parking lot by the two Salamanca cousins, Marco and Leonel. The suspense for these two crazy assholes had been building all season long and it came at a time when Hank was most vulnerable – both physically and emotionally. I was sure Hank wasn’t going to make it out alive, but the arrogance of Marco (and Gus for calling him in advance) gave Hank enough time to gain the advantage and take down the bad guys. Not only does this save Hank’s life and career, but it also serves as more personal motivation to complete the puzzle and take Gus down.

THEY”RE MINERALS!!!!!

5.) Jesse learns a valuable lesson about HF Acid:

Breaking Bad’s second episode (“The Cat’s in the Bag”) deals with the aftermath of a crazy-yet-silly pilot episode. Upon returning to Jesse’s house, they returned with an RV that had just cooked in it and two bodies (one being the head Albuquerque meth distributor) that needed to be disposed of. This is just the first season; there is no Mike to clean up the mess, no Saul to find a guy who knows a guy (who ends up being Mike, but he might have known other people, too!), and no empire to delegate a responsibility like this to. This is a truly frightening! How the hell would you get rid of a body in this day and age? Walt knows! You just dissolve it in hydroflouric acid, supplied by your local high school (I’m not even going to get into why a high school has that much HF Acid in the first place). Jesse, as per the coin, gets the job of dissolving his former partner, Emilio, but is S.O.L. when he can’t find a plastic tub big enough. So Jesse does the next best thing in his mind, and uses the upstairs bathroom. As an engineer, this was my immediate reaction:

As Walt explains, “hydrofluoric acid won’t eat through plastic. It will, however, dissolve metal, rock, glass, ceramic. So there’s that.” Yeah, Walt, so there’s that. Even when Walt sees drips of fluid coming from the ceiling, I had no idea that a maelstrom of acid-soaked Emilio-chunks would tear through the house. From that moment on, I was a Breaking Bad lifer.

So there’s that…

4.) “Face Off”

Going into the season four finale, we just knew that Gus had to go. At that point, there was no hiding that Gus wanted Walt dead and Walt wanted Gus dead, but we still had no idea how it was going to happen and if anybody else would be caught in the crossfire. The beginning of the episode is the aftermath of Walt’s failed bomb attempt on Gus’ car. Walt, through some difficulty, meets up with Saul and discovers that Hector Salamanca is somebody that Gus frequently visits to taunt and devises a plan to mutually benefit both he and Hector. In the mean time, Jesse is detained by two officers concerning the ricin poisoning but it turns out that it wasn’t rice poisoning, it was caused by the ingestion of the Lily of the Valley flower. When Jesse runs out the hospital to tell Andrea of the news, he is tased and taken hostage into a van. Again, Gus’ pride and arrogance gets in the way when he decides to personally kill Tio after snitching to the DEA (or so they had thought), even as Tyrus offered to do it himself. Hector, feigning fear with Gus is inches away from him, begins violently ringing his bell, which it turns out is rigged to Walt’s bomb! I had the same reaction Gus did, with the exception of my face being blown off. We turn back to Jesse, who is being forced to cook at gunpoint. The doorbell to the lab rings, where it turns out Walt has come to rescue Jesse and totally obliterate the lab after telling Jesse “Gus is dead. We’ve got work to do.” It’s an insane episode that leaves the entire fifth season in doubt. But what shocked me the most, is that while the credits are rolling, they should a beautiful white Lily of the Flower in the Whites’ backyard.

Seriously, I wish everything I did in life looked this cool.

3.) “Dead Freight”:

“Dead Freight” will go down as one of the best episodes of the series; heck, it already is touted as such.  It was nominated for an Emmy this past Sunday, so it had to be pretty good (even though the Emmys suck).  The entire episode is such a roller-coaster of stress on it’s own.  From Lydia just being a bitch, to the introduction of Todd into the group and not being too sure of his intentions, to the entire train heist itself.  The heist is one of the most suspenseful moments in the series.  I’m pretty sure that everyone was inching towards their television sets by the minute, especially when the train starts to move and the water to replace the methylamine isn’t done filling in the train car and two of our robbers are still on or near the train.  It’s pretty traumatic to watch Jesse lay down flat on the tracks to not get run over by a moving train.  And just when you breath a sigh of relief and feel like you robbed a train with these guys, Todd commits the most game-changing murder in the series.  The boy (Drew Sharp) from the beginning of the episode, who is really hard to remember after such a fantastic robbery scene, is watching the three men, Todd, Jesse and Walt from his motorbike.  He waves and then Todd shoots him.  Todd shoots a little kid.  For no reason.  If you didn’t jump out of your seat screaming obscenities at the TV as Vince Gilligan’s name flashed on screen, then you, dear sir, are not a good person.  You support child murder.  Yeah, I went there.  The aftermath of Todd’s decision is still being played out a week before the series finale.  What a Todd-Fuck (and yes that’s a shout out to good ole Derrick Comedy).  

Didn’t your mom tell you not to talk to strangers, Drew?!

2.) Walt saves Jesse by going GTA on two drug dealers:

Jesse doesn’t handle it well when children become part of the game.  It’s a fact.  I could go on about the psychology that goes on behind that, but then again, I don’t know much about psychology.  He finds out that his new love interest, Andrea, has a much younger brother, Tomas, who was forced into the neighborhood gang and also happens to be the boy who shot Jesse’s friend, Combo.  Tomas was killed when Jesse and Walt made the deal with the thugs, who happened to be Gus’s men, that they would not sell meth on their turf as long as they didn’t use kids in the game.  When Tomas dies, Jesse contemplates different ways to kill the two gang members who recruited and killed Tomas.  Jesse ropes his part-time lover and full-time meth head friend Wendy into delivering ricin poisoned hamburgers to the two men, but the plan is foiled.  In a last ditch effort to kill the men, Jesse waits in their neighborhood, smokes a lot of meth, and musters up enough courage to approach them in the same spot they killed Combo and Tomas.  Just when Jesse starts to raise his shooting hand, the great Heisenberg a.k.a. Walter White runs the gangbangers down with his Pontiac Aztec, jumps out of the car, shoots the live one in the head, and turns to Jesse only saying “Run”.  For Walt to do anything nice for anyone else was totally unexpected.  For him to kill anyone for something beyond his own personal means was beyond expectation.  This was the one time Walt deserved a “Father of the Year” mug.  Except that it was for murder….. oh, well.  It’s Breaking Bad.  

Who knew that the Pontiac Aztec was a cooler weapon than that gun?

1.) Hank finds Leaves of Grass while sitting on the shitter:

In BrBa fashion, it was only appropriate to culminate one of the most anticipated show-downs in television history by starting the domino effect with Hank taking a shit in Walt’s bathroom.  The series leaves no loose end untouched, and Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass was one of those loose ends.  It was a book long forgotten by the time season 5a came about (other than when we see a glimpse of it when Walt grabs a towel), but the conversation Walt and Hank had regarding the initial’s “W.W.” from the Gale Boetticher investigation was still fresh in our minds.  But I don’t think anybody really believed that Hank would figure out who the Heisenberg was by looking for something to read while being indisposed for a few moments.  So simple, yet so classic.  And it definitely left the viewer in a moment of disarray and mouthing the words, “Oh, Shit…”

As Hank begins to shit and stink, he takes a moment to sit and think.

I hope you all liked our most shocking moments. Stayed tuned for tomorrow’s Top Character Defining Moments. Vote below on your Most Shocking Moment in Breaking Bad!

Written by Sherif Elkhatib and Adrian Puryear

All photos and videos courtesy of AMC Television. 

Awesome emotional clips courtesy of Donald Glover and the good folks at NBC’s Community.

Breaking Bad Week – Top Bitch Moments… Bitch! (SPOILERS!)

If you know Breaking Bad, you know that the entire series can be summed up in two words: “yo, bitch!” Aaron Paul’s portrayal of Jesse Pinkman has won the hearts of millions. With what started out as a troubled kid in need of being put back on track, his crossing paths with Walter White has destroyed any chances of his redemption. Even as Jesse plunges deeper into darkness, nothing can stop us from celebrating his boisterous attitude and affinity of the bitch word. Here are our seven favorite mentions; some carry weight and some are just hilarious, but they all have that special Jesse touch.

7.) “Oh, well heil Hitler, bitch!”

In the third episode of the series, “And the Bag’s in the River,” Jesse and Walt flip a coin to see who gets the duty of murdering Krazy-8, currently chained to a basement post like a dog, and dissolving his body in HF Acid. When Walt loses the toss, he avoids his responsibility and again blames Jesse because he “did not follow [Walt’s] instructions.” In a gesture that I will forever be mimicking – no seriously, I’m gonna be doin’ this shit to my grandchildren – Jesse puts on the fake finger Hitler ‘stache and calls Walt out on his bullshit, something that happens too seldom throughout the rest of the series. It’s even better because his face is still freshly swollen after having his ass beat by Krazy-8 in “The Pilot”, something that we see all too often throughout the rest of the series. The coin flip is sacred, and so is this hilarious “Bitch” moment.

6.) “Where’s my money, bitch!”

Forced to get his big boy pants on after Skinny Pete gets stuck up for the blue and his cash, Jesse must pretend to play enforcer to a tweaked out couple in the sixth episode of season two entitled “Peek-A-Boo.” Jesse and the audience quickly realize that Jesse is not cut out for this line of work. He readies his gun and panting, practices his dramatic entrance into the meth house to get back the stash. In a very Jesse fashion, he is unable to really intimidate the addicts because of a young boy’s presence in the room. Meth-heads will be meth-heads, however, and one of them gets mad and topples an ATM onto the other’s head. Jesse, horrified, leaves, and rumor gets around that the mysterious Heisenberg is the one that through the ATM onto the junkie that tried to steal from him. In classic Breaking Bad fashion, Heisenberg’s notoriety comes at the cost of Jesse’s innocence.

Interesting side note: In my research, I found out that somebody has actually taken the time to register the website wheresmymoneybitch.com.

5.) “…stop whining like a little bitch and do what I say”

At the end of season four (“Salud”), Jesse is torn between two worlds. While Gus Fring has pretty much replaced Walt with Jesse as head cook, Walt has deviously convinced Jesse that Gus is the man responsible for poisoning the son of his good friend (more than friends) Andrea. To play it safe, Jesse has to cook a batch of the blue for the Mexican cartel and saves ricin to patiently wait for another chance to kills Gus. Jesse finally realizes that, although he may not be as good of a chef as Walt, he is an excellent cook. He puts one of the cartel cooks in his place, telling him basically that he sucks at his job and to shut up and pay attention. Once the batch comes back with a 96% accuracy, Jesse’s arrogance backfires on him when the cartel tells Jesse that he will be staying in Mexico as their cook, as a bargaining tool for eased relationship between Gus and the cartel. With painful irony, Gus betrays Don Eladio (who I almost just called Don Helado – get at me, Ben & Jerry’s!) and, in an odd turn of events, ends up saving Mike and Gus from the same fate he had been pressured from Walt into having. Jesse’ a genuinely nice guy and he just can’t help but save them.

4.) “Fire in the hole, bitch”

Throughout the series, Walt is constantly working over Jesse, manipulating him to get the results Walt wants. Well, in season five’s “To’hajiilee,” Jesse finally works over Walt. And while it is gut-wrenching to witness the absolute downfall of Heisenberg, there is a deep satisfaction to know that it is Jesse, who has lost everything he cares about because of Walt, is the one to bring him down. After Jesse flips on Walt and, in a state of paranoia, Jesse decides that Walt is setting Jesse up to die, Jesse claims that he is going to hit Walt where “he really lives.” With Hank’s help, Jesse sets Walt up to believe that Jesse has dug up the money and is threatening to burn it all if Walt doesn’t rush to come talk to him. As Walt frantically drives to the To’hajiilee reservation, Jesse uses Heisenberg level trickery to keep Walt afraid of getting off the phone. In Walt’s panic, he admits to all the crimes that he’s committed. From poisoning Brock to killing two of Gus’ dealers, even the murders of Emilio and Krazy-8 in the first season. It’s Jesse’s cunning plan that finally does in the great Heisenberg, and ultimately leads to everything falling apart in “Ozymandias.”

The spit heard around the world.

 

3.) “So roll me further, bitch”

After being viciously beaten by Special Agent Schrader in “One Minute,” Jesse is finally released from the hospital in the next episode. And, let me tell you, Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit. After taking a pretty hard crack in the face from Hank, Jesse was knocked unconscious and wakes up in the hospital, pretty pissed off at the whole situation. Walt’s devious act of sending Hank away ends up hurting Jesse in a bad way, and Jesse let’s Walt know that they are done (a recurring statement by both of them) and that Walt is now his “Get Out of Jail Free” card. After an orderly wheels Jesse out of the hospital to await a ride from Skinny Pete, he lights up a cigarette. The orderly then tells Jesse he must be at least fifty feet away from the entrance, to which Jesse replies…

2.) “Yeah, bitch! Magnets!”

Jesse had always been looked at as the fuck-up any of the other big players in the show, especially Walt. It’s his brilliant idea in the season five premiere, “Live Free or Die,” that everybody really starts to see that Jesse has grown the most of any character in the show. While Walt argues with Mike that the best approach is to bomb a police evidence room (real sharp there, Heisenberg!), Jesse interjects multiple times that using a magnet would be a great idea. Frying the laptop does has its drawbacks, though, as a photo, broken in the calamity, reveals the offshore accounts Gus emptied all his funds into. Try as Jesse may, he keeps screwing up at being a criminal. The idea of using the magnets, coupled with the idea in “Dead Freight” to account for the varying fluid densities, really shows that Jesse is a valuable asset. It’s with sadness that viewers wonder what could have been if Jesse had grown up a little sooner and used his powers for good instead of being used for evil.

1.) “This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed… bitch!”

Hands down, our favorite “Bitch” moment is during “One Minute.” Hank has made his way to the junkyard as Jesse and Walt are moments away from destroying the RV. Not only are Walt and Jesse hiding in the RV still, but there are remnants of their meth exploits all over the inside of the RV. With Jesse panicking and Hank out-thinking him, Walt tries to play it cool by feeding Jesse lines to tell Hank. And Jesse, following Walt’s exact instructions (that came out as very snark in my head), stops Hank in his tracks. Jesse can’t resist adding his own personal seal of approval when he figures out that they’ve stalled Hank. However, it isn’t until Walt has Saul orchestrate a phone call to Hank that convinces him Marie was in a serious car accident that  it buys them enough time to destroy the evidence in the RV. However, it makes the case personal for Hank, who beats the living shit out of Jesse soon after and begins operating outside of the law to solve the case.

Get off my ASAC Schrader, bitch!

I hope you like all our bitches, bitches! Vote below to tell us your favorite “Bitch” moment. There were tons of great ones that we had to leave off, so I’d love to read your opinions. Come back tomorrow where we discuss our 7 Most Shocking Moments. Keep checkin our Instagram page for more details on Breaking Bad Week and more 10 minute sketches by John Soweto to giveaway.

Written by Sherif Elkhatib

All photos and videos courtesy of AMC Television.