Game of Thrones Review “The Laws of Gods and Men” S4E6

Well, it’s been two weeks now, and it’s official, I miss Joffrey. I even went as far as to watch Batman Begins and skipped chapters to his scene with Katie Holmes (Rachel Dawes) as he clutched her side while Gotham was being ransacked.

This also prompted me to return to season one of GoT. Hungry for spoilers I found Littlefinger’s diatribe about revenge in You Win or You Die to be especially juicy. He said, “I learned that I’ll never win, not that way. That’s their game, their rules. I’m not going to fight them. I’m going to fuck them. That’s what I know, that’s what I am, and only by admitting what we are do we get what we want.”

We open with Stannis Baratheon on a ship entering the shores of Bravvos underneath a huge stone statue of a soldier. The scene was pretty LOTR looking if you ask me. He seeks council with The Iron Bank. Stannis pleads his case to the bank for the throne of Westeros. He only has 4,000 men and 32 ships, not nearly enough to defeat the Lannisters. The Iron Bank declines.

Ser Davos intercedes and makes the argument that after Tywin is gone, who will take the throne? How will the bank recover its losses to the Lannisters? He convinces the bank and recruits his long time pirate friend Salladhor Sam, aka the Lando Calrissian of this Game of Thrones shit.

Next, the Greyjoys attack. Yara leads a small army on Ramsay Snow at Dreadfort. She gives a Braveheart-like speech. They must return Theon home and punish those that have hurt him. But Theon is no longer Theon, he is Reek. Ramsay has made sure of that. Yara plans to storm the dungeons only to find out that Reek lives in the kennel with the dogs. The Greyjoys give a valiant effort to free Reek and escape, but Reek refuses and his resistance nearly costs them their lives. He has been broken and now belongs to Ramsay. I wanted to feel sorry for him until I remembered how much of a dick he was…literally. Yara and her army leave him with Ramsay and declare him a lost cause.

Reek is rewarded with a bath. His obedience is frightening. He has been broken. Snow can now use Theon to do whatever he wants. Ramsay now plots a take over of Dreadfort.

Green hills. Clear skies. A picture perfect day in Meereen for a boy, his father and their flock of sheep, until a dragon the size of a school bus rises over a cliff and burns everything in sight! Remember that shitty Christian Bale movie, Reign of Fire? Even though the movie sucked, the dragons were awesome. They had a great way of moving stealth until a fatal strike. That’s how Dany’s dragon got the drop on the flock. I have to admit, the scene was pretty epic.

Queen Daenerys is on her throne. Her first act is to pay the shepherd three times what his flock was worth after her dragon’s afternoon snack. One of Meereen’s citizens comes to Dany for funeral rights for his father, a former master of Meereen. He pleads her to take the crucified masters down as a son who loved his father. She grants his wish as her first act of mercy. Don’t get too excited, she still has 212 supplicants to go. Ser Jorah rolls his eyes.

Knight Court

Lord Oberyn of Dorne is now on the council at Kings Landing. The council discusses rumors of, “The Mountain’ and “The Hound.” But the more pressing issue is Daenery’s and her Unsullied, three dragons, Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan at her side. Tywin believes Dany should be dealt with and a plan is hatched.

Lord Varys and Oberyn speak about the Unsullied. Oberyn determines where Varys is from originally. When asked about his sexual tastes, Varys replies, “Absence of desire leaves one free to pursue other things.”

Jamie greets Tyrion in his cell. It is time for his trial. After being cuffed, Tyrion spouts, “Well, we mustn’t disappoint father.” The two King-slayers walk into the great chamber. Tommen is shown respect as king of The Iron Throne. He recuses himself from the trial. As he walks away Tyrion seems disappointed, he was once quite fond of the child.

Tywin takes control of the trial and seats himself in the Iron Throne. In response to his father’s accusation of murder he proclaims, “Blame the pigeons, just leave me out of it.” In reference to the Pigeon Pie Joffrey ate as he died. Without question Joffrey was poisoned by The Strangler, a concoction made from plants of the Jade Sea. The poison kills its victims by making it appear as if they choked to death. Witness after witness are called to the stand and all accuse Tyrion of the deed. They use his own words against him. Cersei has her day in court as well. Tyrion is being railroaded. Lord Varys all but accuses him of treason when he implies that Tyrion was sympathetic to the Stark’s cause. Tyrion asked him whether or not he forgot the victory at Blackwater. It wasn’t enough to bring Lord Varys to his aid.

Jamie fights for his brother, this is the most honorable we have seen him. He begs Tywin to spare Tyrion’s life. He recalls that he killed the Mad King to save Tywin. Without Tyrion he will have no one to carry the Lannister banner into future battles. He offers to take Tywin’s place as heir if he saves Tyrion’s life. An offer is made. If Tyrion admits to murdering the king he will spend the rest of his days on The Wall with The Knight’s Watch. Jamie plans this strategy with his brother. Jamie tells him to beg for mercy. Tyrion has a moment of hope before the bottom falls. They call Shae as a witness. Tyrion is shocked. Sidenote; The acting in this scene is brilliant, shout out to Peter Dinklage! He is by far the most entertaining actor on this show.
Shae is heart-broken and bitter. She lies and says that Tyrion and Sansa plotted against Joffrey. She claims that she heard the whole thing and knew that he stole the poison. Her true motives are revealed when she proclaims that she was his property, his whore. Now he is broken. All of the things that he has said and done have now come back to haunt him. Shae says that he promised to kill King Joffrey for Sansa. Tyrion has had enough. He confesses and blurts to the onlookers that he, “Should have let Stannis kill you all!” Referring back to the battle of Blackwater.

One of the most powerful moments in the entire series comes next. Tyrion is tired and defeated. He has nowhere else to hide. There is no place behind the Lannister name, neither behind his wit or his drunkenness. All he has is pride, and he uses it to his advantage. He proclaims;

“Yes father I’m guilty. I’m guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I’m on trial for being a dwarf. I’ve been on trial my entire life. I wish I was the monster you think I am.”

“I demand a trial by combat.”

Next week’s episode is Mockingbird
This episode was written by Byran Cogman

Pictures courtesy of HBO.com, Huffingtonpost.com and MTV.com

Game of a Thrones Review “First of His Name” S4E5

I took the Game of Thrones personality quiz and I ended up in the house of Stark. The unlucky Starks have been pushed out of buildings and publicly beheaded, so at first glance they don’t seem like a clan you’d want to roll with. Unless you happen to be Arya Stark. Then it’s ok.

SPOILER ALERT! READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK. (Too bad Catelyn Stark didn’t get the same warning.)

For some reason one quote from last week’s episode, Oath Keeper, kept running through my mind in anticipation of this week’s First of His Name. Littlefinger hissed, “Keep your foes confused.” This one liner was a subtle hint to prepare us for this week’s bombshell.

We open with the crowning of King Tommen. He is clearly not torturing neighborhood cats or taping “kick me” signs on the backs of the socially inept like his deceased brother. Long live Joffery! Tommen is now Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, (for whatever that is worth.) With dragon-led slave rebellions and White Walkers adopting kids like Brad and Angelina, we’ll see how long his rule lasts. He seems unsure about his station, but excited about his new crush. Margaery still has her heart set on being queen. They share a tender moment from afar until Cersei interrupts. That moment offered Cersei a perfect opportunity to confront Margaery. Both women are now widowed queens. Both of their husbands had been murdered and they seem to understand that. Cersei, for the first time, shows vulnerability when speaking on how much of a monster her son was. She finally admits her discontent with Joffery and we see a side to her we thought never existed. But both women are still playing the game. The throne can be manipulated by whomever the king takes as council. Yet another hint from last week, this time from Tywin.

Danearys is reveling over her victory in Meereen. We find her in war council. News of Joffery’s death has reached her and she seeks to take King’s Landing. But every action has an opposite reaction. The slaves she had previously liberated have fallen victim to even worse circumstances. She proclaims, “I will do what queens do, I will rule.”

Somehow this choice seems far more dangerous for the Lannisters. If Dany decides to create a new kingdom in the Westeros, everything around it may come crumbling down.

Littlefinger takes Sansa to the Bloody Gate and he is welcomed as Lord Bealish. Sansa is greeted by her bat-shit crazy aunt, Lysa Arryn, and somehow she feels safe. It is quickly revealed that Lysa poisoned Jon Arryn, former Hand of The King to Robert Baratheon, by the command of her lover Petyr Bealish! He also instructed her to write the letter to her sister Catelyn accusing the Lannisters of the deed. So Littlefinger is behind all of the fucked up things that have happened in the Westeros! And if that’s not crazy enough, he and Lysa have what must be the least sexy sex scene in the whole series without even being on screen. “Uuuuuughhgh!”

Lysa’s love for Bealish is real. Creepy, but real. In a fit of jealousy she confronts Sansa. The deranged lover reveals the plan to force Sansa to wed her child son Robin and become Lady of the Vale. Ew. Sansa is mortified and may finally realize that no one in the Westeros is to be trusted.

Tywin and Cersei have a heart-to-wallet talk. The Tyrells have the resources they need to run the Seven Kingdoms, with out them the Iron Bank of Braavos will foreclose on their property, regardless if they pass GO.

Arya is the baddest character on the show…say something! She recites the names on her kill list by camp fire. She can’t sleep until she says the names of those she means to slaughter.

The Hound tells her to be quiet, until she insists on completing the names. He is shocked to find out that his own name is the last on that list.

Cersei greets Oberyn. She wants revenge for her son and she hopes that she can manipulate him into a guilty verdict for Tyrion. She asks him, “What good is power if you cannot protect the ones you love?”

In another heartfelt moment she asks that he look after her daughter Myrcella. He says that she is safe in Dorne, Cersei replies coldly, “Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls.” Can we say foreshadowing?

Bran, Hodor, Meera and Jojen are still Karl’s captives at Craster’s Keep. Locke found them as The Knight’s Watch prepared their attack on the deserters, but he has plans to kidnap Bran before Jon realizes his brother was ever there. Karl plans on raping Bran’s companion Meera when the siege begins. As Locke tries to escape with Bran, he uses his Warg ability and possess Hodor’s mind! In epic fashion he snaps Locke’s neck and the band is back on their way north to find the Three-eyed raven. But the GoT kill of the week goes to Jon Snow. In Mortal Kombat fatality mode he impales Karl through the mouth with his blade. It is one of the most gruesome scenes in the entire series.

Finally, Ghost (Jon’s Dire Wolf) has his revenge on the final mutineer and is reunited with his bonded companion.

Next Week! The Laws of Gods and Men. We will see the liberation of Theon Greyjoy and the trial of Tyrion Lannister!

Pictures courtesy of nerdist.com and mtv.com

Sent from my iPad

Game of Thrones Review “Oathkeeper” S4E4

One more Sunday, and one more episode of Game of Thrones. “Oathkeeper” is a prime example of GoT”s ability to tell several stories at once, and not add confusion, even with a large ensemble cast. “Oathkeeper” begins the same place that “Breaker of Chains” left off. The Mother of Dragons is continuing her quest to free all of the slaves in the Seven Kingdoms. By this point, she really has seem to found the winning formula. In no time, Meereen belongs to her army, which is swelling in size. It’s a sequence that feels a lot like the last season of Spartacus, but without the Romans. Well, karma is a bitch, and her name is Daenerys Targaryen. The graphic scene at in the season opener has really come back to screw the Meereen people when her army nails them all to planks. The woman who once had the gentle heart now firmly “answers injustice with justice.” It’s great character development and I can’t see why she won’t keep progressing as a serious threat to the throne. I’m also really liking the rise of Grey Worm. He’s struggling to find what is left of his humanity, but has enough depth to make viewers root for him. I couldn’t help but cheer when I saw Khaleesi raise the Targaryen banner over the city walls.

Back at King’s Landing, Tyrion is still in deep doo-doo. Dismissing both Podrick and Shae, as well as not being allowed visitation from Bronn, he has only one true ally in the realm – Sir Rapes-a-Lot, Jamie Lannister. Jamie is often criticized for coming to the defense of his pitiful brother, and pretty much started the war with Ned Stark when he thought he had taken Tyrion captive. However, being guilted into killing Tyrion by his crazy sister/lover has really driven a wedge in the relationship. That’s where the much-appreciated harsh honesty of Bronn comes in handy. Bronn validates Jamie’s instinct that Tyrion could not have murdered Joffrey. This is when I went nuts. Tyrion is no fool; he knows that Joffrey (and presumably Tommen) is Jamie’s child. Now that I think of it, Tywin might know, too. When discussing what makes a good king with Tommen, he referred to Robert Baratheon by name and not “your father.” Tyrion also understands that Cersei will not rest until both he and Sansa are dead. She’s totally losing it and I think we’re getting a glimpse of the Mad Queen in the making. Also, there’s big money out there for the person who creates a Kingslayer Bros. t-shirt.

Further validating that the awkward scene with Cersei was unnecessary, it looks like Jamie has really turned over a new leaf with his life. Or maybe, the relationship between he and Brienne has helped him see through the manipulation of his family. After Cersei’s order to track Sansa down and murder her leaves a bitter taste in Jamie’s mouth, he does perhaps the only noble thing he’s done in the entire series thus far. He gives the Valyrian steel sword forged from Robb Stark’s broadsword to Brienne as a reminder of the bond they made to return the Stark daughters to safety. Brienne also receives a squire for her trip – a familiar one at that! In a genuine show of appreciation, Brienne tells Jamie that she has decided to name the sword “Oathkeeper.”

The Night’s Watch doesn’t get a lot of the love it should, because the events that take place in the North continue to be some of the most important in the series. As Jon Snow prepares to march to the mutineers and kill them before the wildling army gets to them first, the commanding officers are conspiring to get him killed, and there is a spy among them. Oh, and let’s not forget the freaking giant ice zombies. Life is not looking good for a crow. I mean, these mutineers are drinking wine out of the skulls of the men they killed. Meanwhile, we get to see the fate of all the sons that Craster was sacrificing to the White Walkers. This show was crazy enough without the prominent fantasy aspect, so how will have the White Walkers affect the dynamic of the show?

Who won the game of thrones this episode?

My first instinct is to high five Tommen. Not only was his evil brother taken out of the picture, leaving Ser Pounce free from threats, but also making him the runner up with a legitimate mentor in Tywin. But the crown isn’t the only thing Tommen inherited from Joffrey; Margaery Tyrell has already promised herself to the young heir. Aside from having to pretend you miss your monster of a brother, this has been the best week for young Tommen. Unfortunately for him, though, he’s just a cog in the wheel.

The real winner here is Olenna Tyrell, who we learn is the real mastermind behind the Purple Wedding. She and Littlefinger both are moving pieces around the board when nobody even knows it’s their turn. When Olenna confesses her involvement to Margaery, she more or less pimps out her daughter to seize the attention of young Tommen. Of course, it takes a very opportunistic Margaery to pull it off, but you can see that Olenna is definitely pulling the strings. I love Olenna’s character because what she does, she does for the good of her house. She may have made a mistake by aligning herself with Littlefinger, a known conniver, but she looks to be the perfect match for his wit: noble enough to do the right thing, but smart enough to know when to abandon honor in exchange for survival. The best part of all of this is that nobody has suspected she or Littlefinger of this scheme.

So where do we go from here? It looks like Arya and Sansa are actually on track to get to the same place – Catelyn’s crazy sister with the boob juice. Meanwhile, Bran Stark has just made himself known to be alive in the very place Jon Snow marches to (and in the face of a wildling invasion. Will these be good Sark reunions or does this spell doom for the family of the North? Are Podrick and Brienne the new Westeros tag-team to watch? Can Dany take King’s Landing with the legion she’s amassed? Will Tommen end up chewed up and spit out by Cersei and Tyrion, or will he get himself some Margaery? Hopefully we’ll get some answers in next week’s episode, “First of His Name.”

All media credited to HBO

Shut Up and Take My Money: Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Canister

The money in our bank account is limited, so how unfair is it that there are endless gadgets, collectibles and toys out there that demand to be purchased? Let us help you sift through the crap, so you don’t can save that hard-earned cash for the things that deserve it. In other words, we give you the power to go to the counter and say, “Shut Up and Take My Money!”

Item: Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Canister

What it is: Holy Mother of Dragons, Batman! HBO and Game of Thrones have released a cookie jar based of the design of one of Khaleesi’s dragon eggs. Rhaegal (the dragon that hatches from the green egg; there are also Viserion and Drogon who hatch from other-colored eggs) may be growing up and are causing a ruckus throughout the Seven Kingdoms, but Thronies like myself remember when they were precious cargo, thought to never hatch. The eggs themselves are beautifully painted and definitely looks like a dragon egg is supposed to. Plus, they hold cookies

How Much it Costs: This ceramic piece of destiny will run you $30. You can find it all over: from Amazon to ThinkGeek to the HBO Store. I’m not sure how long they’ll be available, as collectibles like this aren’t as hot of a commodity, but tend to disappear to the barren wastelands of eBay, where people love to upcharge collectibles like this for 200-300% of the original price.

Is It Worth It?: At $30, this dragon egg is considerably less than the cost of raising an army to challenge the Iron Throne, but more than the monthly cost of subscribing to HBO to watch GoT. When you look at buying an actual cookie jar, $30 sounds down-right expensive. I mean, it’s an item that is likely to sit around and collect crumbs for years. However, this is no ordinary cookie jar; this is Daenerys Targaryen’s dragon egg we’re talking about here. Friends will envy you and enemies will fear you with this cookie jar at your side!

mmmm…. cookie….

Bottom Line: If eating cookies and watching Game of Thrones is your thing, this is for you. It might clutter up the kitchen, but it could add some flavor to your home, especially if you are a GoT enthusiast. This is the kind of things Birthday gifts were made of, easily justifiable for a friend, but hard to justify to spend on yourself. However you plan on eating your baked goods, join Game of Thrones for the Season 4 premiere, airing on April 6, 2014.

Photos credited to HBO Television

Written by Sherif Elkhatib