10 Movies that Prove Our Parents Should Never Have Sent Us to Summer Camp

There are plenty of reasons not to send your kids off to camp in this day and age, first and foremost being that I don’t think summer camp exists anymore. But back when I was a kid, summer camp was all the rage. I remember my summers at camp; we did arts and crafts and nature hikes. I got to swim in the lake and eat s’mores before bed almost every night. The only down-side was when my camp, Camp Nightengale, was shut down because a bunch of counselors got extremely high one night and thought Jason Voorhees was real and chasing after them. Two of them drowned in the lake, one girl died in a cabin she set on fire for protection, and one guy impaled himself on a tree branch with his pants down. Of course, there is no such thing as Jason Voorhees; it turned out it was just the original owner of the camp terrorizing people. His wife had died there years ago and he was determined to kill anyone who came near the place she was buried. You probably read about it in the papers…

Just kidding, I lied about all of that. I never went to camp myself. Instead, I used my summers to stay up late watching horribly good scary movies on late night TV. I learned a lot from those summers, partly that nearly every summer camp horror movie follows the same formula, but mostly that I was really glad I was never sent to summer camp. It spared me the opportunity to be slaughtered out in the wilderness because a bunch of horny teenagers wanted to get laid.

I’ve compiled a list off the 10 Best Horror Movies that perfectly explain why if our parents loved us, they should never have sent us to summer camp.


10. Cheerleader Camp (1987)

My my, there sure are a lot of reasons not to send your kids to cheerleading camp – mostly because it’s a camp for cheerleaders. But if you can get past all the rah-rahs and sis-boom-bahs, you’re likely to discover that a camp full of preppy girls in full competition mode may be the scariest place ever. Cheerleader Camp is all about the young ladies who head to camp for the summer, but wouldn’t you know it, a bunch of them starting gruesomely dying as the central character begins to suspect her boyfriend of foul play. Either that or she has multiple personalities.


9. The Burning (1981)

It is important to know that, in horror movies, teenagers are dicks; 9 out of 10 show no remorse for horrible things they’ve done, even if they killed someone. Or at least think they killed someone. Enter The Burning. In this summer camp blood bath a former janitor who was believed to have perished in a fire years earlier returns to the camp he was burned at for revenge. Think I Know What You Did Last Summer meets Friday the 13th.


8. Campfire Tales (1997)

This one is less of a summer camp precautionary tale, and more of a fun anthology of classic urban legends. The stories are being told by some creepy guy who wanders up on a bunch of camping teenagers. I don’t know about you, but if some derelict walked up on me and my friends in the woods and started telling us stories about a bunch of unsuspecting people who were gruesomely murdered, I’d be pretty freaked out. And I’d probably suspect that guy of killing aforementioned people…


7. Summer Camp Nightmare (1987)

This is not your typical summer camp movie. In fact, it’s like nothing else on this list. This movie is scary because it focuses on how dark and fucked up people get when they think they are in control of anarchy. In Summer Camp Nightmare, the kids at the boys’ camp overthrow the strict man in charge, and then take over the girls’ camp. It’s misogynistic and horrifying, and it does not take long before the boys in charge of the camp’s liberation become sick dictators themselves.


6. Camp Slaughter (Camp Daze) (2005)

Camp Slaughter is another unique addition to the list because it is a sci-fi horror crossover. A group of stranded motorists stumble upon a summer camp that appears to be stuck in the 80’s, where the same day repeats itself over and over. It seems they are stuck in a time loop on the very day where the entire camp is slaughtered by some maniacs. Think Groundhog’s Day with a whole lot more blood and gore.


5. Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012)

Catholicism is scary enough as it is, but imagine what would happen if a nun called Sister Mary Chopper went crazy on a group of campers to cleanse them of all their evil doings. Now imagine if some people with a sin or two under their belts and lead by a priest return to the camp assuming that same nun is long dead and gone. There stands Bloody Bloody Bible Camp. Beware the axe of God…

*Note: Before anyone gets all uppity about it, I was raised Catholic and therefore can say from experience that shit is scary.


4. Stage Fright (2014)

Full disclosure: This is not a very good movie. Stage Fright takes place at a musical theater camp, and is a lot like Glee except there are sexual favors being traded for lead roles and then people start to die. As a former theater geek, this plot sounds disturbingly feasible. Down side, there’s a lot of singing. Up side, super annoying theater kids die.

**Note: Before anyone gets uppity about this one I was a theater geek and I know damn well some of those kids deserve a punch in the face. I’m pretty sure I was one of them.


3. Friday the 13th (1980)

Some people consider this THE summer camp horror movie. It’s hard not to see it that way; it basically created the genre and paved the way for every other film on this list. Jason Voorhees became an icon, and far too few people remember that Kevin Bacon got murdered while boning. Friday the 13th has basically no character development, so it’s honestly just fun to watch all the idiot teenagers die. Nowadays the bloodbath is funny, but in 1980, when no one was ready for it, this movie scared the shit out of promiscuous teenagers everywhere.


2. Madman (1982)

This is one of my favorites. Sure, it’s still people getting killed at summer camp, but this time it’s by a man called Madman Marz who is similar to the Candy Man or Bloody Mary. He exists somewhere between reality and the supernatural realm and when you summon him he’ll show up and kill you and apparently a bunch of either people because… well, why not? When in Rome, right?


1. Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Sleepaway Camp is still credited as having one of the most shocking endings ever. People are capable of anything, and nothing is ever what it seems. And if you don’t accept those two truths you just might get slashed up at summer camp by the girl you thought you could pick on for for being different.

The 25 Horror Movies You Have To Watch THIS Weekend

It’s that time of year: Halloween weekend is upon us! Everything is at the peak of awesome-ness. I know most people love their Jingle Bells and wrapping paper, but I’ll take haunted houses and skulls over that merry crap any day.

All year round I seek out the best of the best (and the worst of the worst) in horror movies and what better time for me to make some recommendations to all you lovely dears out there than Halloween? Now, you must bear in mind that choosing a horror movie is no easy task.

One does not simply choose a horror movie, there are so many different options out there for a person in need of a good scare. Are you looking for blood and guts?

Do you want something psychologically scary? Are you looking for ghosts? Monsters? Zombies? People? Cats? Laugh if you want but at least three movies starring evil cats come to mind (Sleepwalkers, Cat People, Pet Sematary).

Lucky for you, I’ve composed a relatively short list of the best options in five easy categories just in time for our most sacred of holidays. Behold! My top 25 picks for the best of the best movies to watch this Halloween weekend..

First, let’s start with movies that have come out in the last 20 years that are classics in the making AND, in my humble super hard to scare opinion, were either genuinely creepy or downright scary.

Insidious (2010)

James Wan and Leigh Whannell are horror geniuses. Insidious is subtle at the right times and is basically the Poltergiest for our modern generation. This movie stuck with me, when I hear sounds in the night I think of Insidious and go check my son’s room to make sure no red faced demons have come to take him. Also, Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe Through The Tulips is now the creepiest song ever.


The Conjuring (2013)

Based on the true stories of one of demonologist and one my most favorite interesting people ever, Lorraine Warren, The Conjuring is downright chilling. It will make you jump and probably want to sleep with the lights on, as if that would help.

Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc.
Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc.

Paranormal Activity 1 and 2 (2007 and 2010)

I know I’m cheating by doing a two for one, but in my opinion Paranormal Activity 2 is far better than the first, but you have to have the first to get to the second I suppose.

Solana Films
Solana Films

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

If this movie doesn’t scare you you may not have a soul. No offense. This movie changed people and it changed horror movies as we know them. It may be overdone as hell now, but The Blair Witch Project is found footage at its origin and at its best. No lie, after I saw this movie when I was 13 I absolutely stole a butcher knife from our kitchen and slept with it in my room. For a week. And then I started making the creepy little stick people from the movie and leaving them in my sister’s rooms.

Artisan Entertainment
Artisan Entertainment

28 Days Later (2002)

Modern day social commentary by way of a zombie movie. It’s gruesome, it’s dark, and it’s got rage zombies that come at you at full speed.

Fox Searchlight
Fox Searchlight

Second, for you younglings out there, the CLASSICS. I’m not going OLD old school classics here, Frankenstein and Nosferatu are amazing movies but I understand that in this day and age that shit isn’t scary. I still highly recommend you all check out the real classics though, especially if you find yourself with a strange affection for all things horror, like myself.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Yes it came out in 1984 but believe me, this movie is timeless. Freddy Krueger IS the boogie man. Note: Do NOT watch the remake. JUST DON’T DO IT. It tried it’s best to ruin one of the best horror movies of all time and frankly it should burn for it. (Ha! You see what I did there)

New Line Cinema Entertainment Inc.
New Line Cinema Entertainment Inc.

Poltergeist (1982)

This movie redefined haunted houses for a whole new generation and there still haven’t been many movies that compare to it. Also, clown toys will come to life and they will come for you in the night.

Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc.
Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Southern hospitality at its worst, horror and gore at its best.


Hellraiser (1987)

Horrifying. One of the bloodiest and most evil movies to come out of the 80’s. If you like this one you should absolutely check out the sequel, it might be even better. But do yourself a favor and stop there.

Cinemarque Entertainment
Cinemarque Entertainment

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

If you don’t know why this is on the list, I don’t want to know you. Again, no offense.

Market Square Productions
Market Square Productions

Third, here are your underrated movies. You’ve probably never heard of them, and maybe they get a bad rap, but just because they weren’t box office hits doesn’t mean they’re bad.

Dead Silence (2007)

No, this movie is not the greatest, but it isn’t the worst. The acting isn’t great, but it has Ryan Kwanten from True Blood in possibly the only other place we’ll ever see him. It’s got ventriloquist dummies that kill people and honestly tell me someone who isn’t freaked out by those little bastards.

Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures

Altered (2006)

I’d never heard of this movie, my husband and I saw it on Netflix and I said let’s give it a go. It’s well acted, gory, and pretty scary. Granted I have an unhealthy fear of aliens, like seriously unhealthy, like I need therapy, but my husband who is a normal person thought it was creepy too so I say it’s worth a watch.

Rogue Pictures
Rogue Pictures

Carriers (2009)

More suspenseful than it is scary, but it’s absolutely one of the best apocalyptic movies that’s come out that focuses on the people. It may not have the blood and guts, but it’s scary on the psychological level of what the hell happens to people and your family when the world gets wiped out.

Paramount Vantage
Paramount Vantage

Silent Hill (2006)

This movie got horrible reviews but I don’t understand why. You don’t even have to be a fan of the games to like it, it’s just terrifying. Anytime I hear that siren sound my blood runs cold and I wait for pyramid head to come and tear my skin off. Too much?


Splinter (2008)

All I can say is cutting off an arm with a box cutter then using a cinderblock to break the bone and sever the limb. Saw, eat your heart out.

ContentFilm International
ContentFilm International

Fourth, for those of you that love a good laugh with your carnage I give you the awesomely bad category. Most of these are from the 70’s and 80’s and they are so bad they’re AMAZING. These are ideal picks to watch with a group or to have on in the background at a party.

Friday the 13th (so many years…)

Any of them really, but specifically part 2 and part 9. That’s right, PART 9, and that wasn’t even the last one. But I think more people get killed in this one than all the others combined.

Georgetown Productions Inc.
Georgetown Productions Inc.

Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)

Quite possibly the worst acting I’ve ever seen, but the monster is pretty creepy.

Motion Picture Corporation of America
Motion Picture Corporation of America

976-EVIL (1988)

What happens when a nerd in the 80’s wants to be cool so he calls a random hotline to learn how to be? He becomes a murderous demon, naturally.

Cinetel Films
Cinetel Films

The Howling (1981)

Okay I love this movie so I feel bad putting it in this category, but I know it’s bad. There are so few good werewolf movies…

AVCO Embassy Pictures
AVCO Embassy Pictures

They Live (1988)

Keith David and Rowdy Roddy Piper get in a 30 minute fist fight that starts in an alley and travels from there. It just never stops. I think it’s a good 1/3 of the movie.

Alive Films
Alive Films

And finally, I present to you the wild card, WTF group. These are not what you would expect, but worth the watch. However, enter at your own risk:

The Island of Doctor Moreau (1996 remake)

Seriously so fucking weird it just gives me a gross feeling in my stomach but I love it so much. It’s so freaking weird. And gross.

New Line Cinema
New Line Cinema

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Really, this one is an enter at your own risk kind of thing. This movie is DARK, and sickening to most. It’s on par with A Clockwork Orange, as in its scary because people are far more terrifying than any monster under your bed.

Maijack Productions
Maijack Productions

Bug (2006)

People pulling out their own teeth with pliers to make sure the government can’t spy on them. ‘Nuff said.

Lions Gate Films
Lions Gate Films

The Fly (1986 Remake)

Jeff Goldblum at his finest. The original The Fly is a classic, this one is too in that really gross stomach churning kind of way. Remember hearing as a kid that when flies land on you they throw up acid and then eat the mess? Well picture Jeff Goldblum as a fly monster doing that to a dude. Or don’t. /shudder.

SLM Production Group
SLM Production Group

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

I LOVE this movie, for me it could fit in more than one category. Rob Zombie is a master of the fucked up, and Dr. Satan is freaking horrifying, even if his existence raises A LOT of questions. Besides, Chris Hardwick with his head cut open getting his brain poked at while he’s still alive, you can’t miss!

Spectacle Entertainment Group
Spectacle Entertainment Group

There you are my lovelies, I do hope you’ve enjoyed my list. Now go forth and watch, love the gore, love the horror, and always check under your bed before going to sleep.




Monthly Movie Preview: April 2014

April will bring us quite the variety. A few blockbusters – one named Captain America: The Winter Soldier – as well as some sci-fi/horror and chick flicks. There’s something for everybody this month.

April Movie Preview

April 4 – Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Starring: Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L Jackson, Anthony Mackie, Sebastian Stan, Emily VanCamp, Stan freakin Lee

This is the second story for Captain America and the third story since Avengers. Cap is working for S.H.I.E.L.D. as an official agent and we finally get to see Steve Rogers in modern times by himself. The big question I have going into the film is who is in the casket they keep showing? As far as I’ve seen they haven’t explicitly said in the previews who the Winter Soldier actually is; although, IMDb does list Bucky and Winter Soldier being played by the same actor. It should be no surprise who the Winter Soldier is by this point, but considering the Mandarin and Extremis B.S. that was Iron Man 3, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made it someone else. This film will be directed to comic book fans as well as people who have begun to follow the films since Marvel decided to unify its movie universe. I’m sure that this will shape up to be a great film and I am not only excited to see the Winter Soldier in action, I am pretty excited to see the film adaptation of Falcon. – Robert

April 4 – Afflicted

Starring: Derek LeeClif Prowse

This film is about two friends who travel the world. After one of them hooks up with a mysterious girl, he begins getting these weird powers. Eventually, things take a turn for the worse and it becomes this really creepy – you guessed it – affliction. Just by the way it’s filmed, it feels so much like Chronicles, but without the lame adolescent meltdown aspect. The disease/affliction thing is kinda interesting, but there’s something about Affliction that just feels like it’s been done before. Luckily, the chemistry between Lee and Prowse is believable and the effects are neat. Chances are, if you enjoyed Chronicle, you’ll like this movie, too. However, if you’re not seeing Captain America on this weekend, you’re not doing it right. – Sheirf

April 4 – In the Blood

Starring: Gina Carano, Cam Gigandet, Danny Trejo, Luis Guzmán

The woman passed up to play Wonder Women (still bitter), Gina Carona, is thankfully headlining In the Blood – coming out this week. It’s a nice turn on dark-mysterious-man with dark past who must save his romantic interest. I’m a big fan of turning cliché upside down and this movie looks like it will deliver. Ava, played by Gina Carona, is on vacation with her husband. He gets abducted and it’s up to Ava to save him. Ava and her badass MMA skills tracks down her husband’s attackers while uncovering a conspiracy in the middle of seeming paradise. It has a very Far Cry-like vibe going on. In general, these kinds of movies aren’t my cup of tea, but watching the preview was entertaining enough. I can appreciate and enjoy a woman kicking some major ass and I have this guilty pleasure for MMA fighting. It looks like it has the potential to be a solid movie and spark others to make movie that mess with conventional plot templates. – Jené

April 11 – Under the Skin

Starring: Scarlett Johansson, some other people I don’t care about

I can’t think of an easier way to sell tickets to a movie than to put a half-naked picture of Scarlett Johansson on the poster. This sci-fi tale is about an alien in human skin who travels the country of Scotland, seeking for men to prey upon. By prey upon, I mean make sweet, sweet love to them before filling their body with some weird black embalming fluid, harvesting them for who knows what. I’m not sure how that’s a bad thing, but I sure am determined to find out. It’s based off a Michael Faber novel of the same name – and from what I’ve read about the book, things get even weirder later. To make the premise even creepier, it turns out a lot of the conversations in the movie were unscripted talks ScarJo had with random non-actors who didn’t know who she is. It sounds wildly inane, but did I mention a half-naked Scarlett Johansson? – Sherif

April 11 – Oculus

Starring: Brenton Thwaites, Karen Gillan, Garrett Ryan, Annalise Basso, Katee Sackhoff

A new and interesting horror film staring two female nerd heroes with Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica) and Karen Gillan (Doctor Who). This film is about a brother and sister who are haunted by an entity in an antique mirror. They believe this entity caused their father to kill their mother which made the son shoot the father. It is based off of a short film the director and co-writer made back in 2006. Quite possibly the most interesting thing about this film is that it is made by WWE Studios. Normally the films this studio makes are along the lines of the upcoming films Jingle All the Way 2 with Larry the Cable Guy (gross…), and the reboot of the Leprechaun film series with the wrestler Hornswaggle (what is Leprechaun without Warwick Davis?). So, it was surprising to me to be interested in this project knowing that. This film is obviously aimed towards adult fans of horror films. I hope more people will see it as it is very much an original idea and not a cookie-cutter gorefest like so many horror films these days. – Jacob

April 11 – Rio 2

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg (Blu), Anne Hathaway (Jewel), Leslie Mann (Linda), Jemaine Clement (Nigel), Jamie Foxx (Nico), Tracy Morgan (Luiz), and will.i.am (Pedro)

Rio 2 is the sequel to the successful film Rio. This time the film takes the macaws Blu and Jewel to the amazon to try and find other parrots of their species as they thought they were the last two on earth. This journey leads them to meet Jewels father and some of her childhood friends. Along the way they run into the villain from the first film, Nigel the Cockatoo, whom tries to enact revenge upon Blu and Jewel by finding new lackeys in a dart frog, Gabi, and an anteater, Charlie. The great original cast is back with . The great original cast is here, and this time, a couple other great voices are added with Kristen Chenowith (Gabi), Wanda Sykes (Chloe), and Jane Lynch (Alice). This is the only film other than Ice Age from Blue Sky Studios that has warranted a sequel, so it is guaranteed to be a great film for the kids and family, as well as any fan of animation and beautiful scenery. – Jacob

April 18 – Small Time

Starring: Dean Norris, Christopher Meloni, Devon Bostick, Bridget Moynahan

This movie was described as a “Drama” on IMDb, but judging by the preview, it looks like it will be hilarious. With Christopher Meloni and Dean Norris in the lead, it certainly has a solid leading cast. It seems like it will be a limited release or something because I didn’t see very much in the way of information about this movie other than a cast list and a short, but sufficient, preview. The movie is about a boy deciding to skip college in order to become a used car salesman. This might sound pretty cliché, but I am sure that it will include some solid life lessons, as well as plenty of used car salesman hijinks that ensue. Since this doesn’t seem like a very big release, it doesn’t seem like it is meant for the big theaters but who knows. I think anyone who can appreciate the humor of Hank from Breaking Bad will appreciate the humor here. I am genuinely interested to check this out after watching the preview. – Robert

April 25 – Brick Mansions

Starring: David Belle, Paul Walker, RZA

I didn’t even have to make it half way through the preview before I realized that this was a remake of a French film called Banlieue 13 or District B-13. This film stars David Belle, who is the creator of Parkour. It also is supposed to be one of the last films that Paul Walker is starring in. It’s a shame because the actor he is replacing from the original is a much better actor and is a great martial artist, as well. I will probably go see this but I can’t honestly see this being better than the original. I would recommend everyone to rent the original as it isn’t hard to find and while you are at it, pick up the sequel called District B-13 Ultimatum. This is directed towards people who like action as well as crazy stunts. This film is sure to be full of both with David Belle at the lead. The only possible saving grace I can see for this film is that it was written by Luc Besson who did The Professional, so there is that. – Robert

April 25 – Transcendence

Starring: Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Cillian Murphy, Morgan Freeman, Kate Mara

This film is something I have thought about many times and had many discussion with friends about. It is about a terminally ill scientist who uploads his thoughts and mind into a computer to live after death, which ultimately gives him too much power and he becomes an unstoppable force. The idea is both terrifying and yet could be an answer of how to live forever, which may seem cool to others. The film stars Johnny Depp as the scientist going through the procedure. The supporting cast includes many great actors as well including Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy, and Paul Bettany. The film looks very interesting and yet to me it also is an idea that has haunted my dreams for years. I feel this film is targeted to the teen to adult range and even the future generation who are kids now as it shows us the true problems of having technology not just being a huge part of our lives, but it becoming our lives itself. – Jacob

April 25 – The Other Woman

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Kate Upton, Nicki Minaj,

Oh goodie another female comedy surrounding how their man’s gone and done them wrong. Where have I seen this before, oh right, The Frist Wives Club. And judging by this movie trailer, I’m going to go ahead and say it – First Wives Club did it better. In this movie, three women find out they are dating/married to the same man. They meet, become friends, and then exact their revenge. I’m not going to hold my breath for this movie. They story isn’t new and has been rehashed ad nauseum and marketed as comedy. Lets get hammered, puke, talk about dicks. Oh and man boob, because turning into a woman is so funny… haha I’m becoming emotional because being a woman is such a joke. Eye roll. I wonder if it even passes the Bechdel test. Sure, it’s a cast of women, but do any of them have a conversation not pertaining to their romantic entanglements? In all, the  trailer doesn’t do it for me and I’m not going to waste my money. Maybe when it’s out on prime time I’ll watch it when I have nothing better to do with my life.  This movie screams C movie Netflix gold. – Jené

Written by Jacob Robinson, Jené Conrad, Robert Michael and Sherif Elkhatib