Game of Thrones Review “The Wars to Come” S5E1

After much waiting, Game of Thrones is back on the air! Things kind of fell apart at the end of Season 4, but that just marks new beginnings for everybody. We’re still a little sour that Hodor and Bran won’t be appearing this season, but there is plenty of new ground to cover, and advancements to be made by some lesser-known characters. If you’d like to catch up on the happenings of all the important characters, check our preview. Keep in mind that I am woefully behind on the books, so if any “no duh’s” come to mind, let us know in the comments!

Pros

game of thrones s5e1 the wars to come 01

Thank God for not indulging us in another brother-sister funeral rape scene. I liked the way Cersei just went through the motions during this scene, the way she responded to people while not really knowing or caring what they said. I wonder if she is more distraught about her father’s death or the crappy position it’s put the Lannister camp in.

I’m not sure who had it worse, the man who had to shit out of the airholes for a month or the man who had to pick up said shit and throw it off the boat. Tyrion and Varys make a damn good team. They could do a traveling comedy show if this Daenerys thing doesn’t work out for them.

The whole situation going on in Meereen is saying a lot without actually saying it. I have no idea if this was part of GRRM’s inspiration, but the whole thing is very American slavery to me. Dany has freed the slaves, but at the cost of enslaving her dragons. She can’t use them to make her look powerful anymore, but doing the right thing is making her vulnerable. The scare tactics that the Sons of the Harpy use are a parallel to the KKK’s methods. They’re a bunch of dicks, basically.

Robert Arryn’s sparring session is just about the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in Game of Thrones the past few seaons. And the “fights like a girl with palsy” comment just about had me busting a gut.

It must really suck to be Ser Loras. The poor guy has to spew some B/S story about how sorry he is that the evil bastard Tywin Lannister is dead… to a woman that he definitely doesn’t WANT to marry. All the while, he has to hide his homosexuality. I can’t help but agree when he says, “What’s the point of trying to keep a secret in a place like this?” There’s no way that plan will go wrong.

game of thrones s5e1 the wars to come 02

Cons

Self-pity really doesn’t do any favors for Tyrion. He’s always been a drinker, but the wallowing that came with it was off-putting. I did especially like the way he went back to college with the ol’ puke and rally, though.

For a while there, I was really concerned that they had Daario’d Greyworm and cast some other guy as him only to murder him minutes later. The poor guy just wanted to cuddle.

Stannis’ plan to have the Wildlings join him is just plain dumb. For a second, I thought Stannis was concerned about the whole frozen zombie thing, but I guess the whole ordeal is just to get enough of a force to take Winterfell from Roose Bolton – which I’m a big fan of, but recruiting the Wildlings seems reckless even if they did agree.

I think Daenerys thinks she is a way better ruler than she thinks she is. She kinda sucks at this…

game of thrones s5e1 the wars to come 03

Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things (Odds and Ends)

Cersei’s flashback didn’t really have a place in the episode. It does reveal that she was always an entitled little shit. Not really relevant, but what kind of little girl lets a stranger lick blood from her hand? It is worth mentioning that she was betrothed to the Prince Rhaegar Targaryen (the one fan theories say ran away with Lyanna Stark instead, fueling the Lannister-Stark bad blood), and that it was predicted a younger, more beautiful women would “cast her down.” Is this a more direct reference to Margaery Tyrell’s encroachment on Tommen?

game of thrones s5e1 the wars to come 05

Jon Snow has some type of leadership role, training the troops. I’m curious how the relationship with Ser Alliser Throrne has been affected by the way Jon handled business in the Battle at Castle Black.

Where is Littlefinger taking Sansa? Of all the storylines in the show right now, this one makes the least sense to me. With that black hair and an alias to go off, nobody has any idea that she is Sansa Stark, so where is Petyr taking her? Judging by some of the Season 5 clips, he may be going to wherever the late Jon Arryn’s camp is.

What is Margaery’s angle? As manipulative as her and her grandmother are, I can’t help but at least hope she’s a good guy. At the end of the day, she knows how to shape a ruler into a good king – even if her last two kings were gay and a psychopath, respectively. I think she’s gonna beat Cersei by just having good game. On the other hand, Cersei is terrifying, and I would bet more vicious than Margaery is cunning. I don’t see it ending well for either of them.

Who won the Game of Thrones this episode?

game of thrones s5e1 the wars to come 04

Jon Snow is his father’s son. He may be bound by the Night’s Watch never to reclaim Winterfell, but he sure as hell would be great at ruling it. Once naive to the Wildlings, judging them based on stories and reputation, Jon defended them several times in this episode, exclaiming that they were simply born on the wrong side of the war. He respects Mance Rayder and finally gets his plight. Finally, there’s the way he mercy-killed Mance before letting the flames do the job. It wasn’t just to give him a non-agonizing death, but to let the Wildling leader keep his pride in front of his men.


Hush Comics gives “The Wars to Come” a B+ for starting things out right! We’re able to comfortably slide back in to each story, and are given plenty of new, shiny things to look forward to for the rest of the season.

All media credited to HBO

Game of Thrones: Catching Up for the Season 5 Premiere

Okay, GoT fans would be kidding themselves if we pretended like Westeros isn’t one of the most confusing places in all of Nerdom. Even the most devoted fans may be finding themselves in need of a super-binge refreshin’ session before the season five premiere on Sunday. But if you are anything like me, you don’t exactly have 10 hours available this weekend to devote to the Season 4 Blu-Ray. Don’t despair, if you find yourself in need of a little catch up here is Hush Comics quick and easy recap of where we left off:

Dead People

Joffrey

joffrey-beginning-to-choke

Okay, first thing’s first. Do you remember that little dick, King Joffrey? And do you remember that he’s DEAD? People are still celebrating in the streets over that one. He was poisoned by Littlefinger’s doing, but it was his Uncle Tyrion Lannister that took the blame.

Tywin Lannister

Tywin Lannister

That dude is dead. Shot right through the bowels while using the privy. Whether or not he shit gold is up for debate, but Tywin is no more. He may have lived on as a vampire in Dracula Untold, but his time on GoT is over.

Oberyn Martell

Oberyn Martell

Although he puts up a good fight and mortally wounds Gregor Clegane, he is eventually killed off in one of the most fucked up ways by having his teeth knocked out, his eyes gauged out and then his skull crushed. I shudder simply recalling that episode.

Shae

Shae

Damn, I feel worse for Tyrion’s feelings than I do for this wench dying. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn. I know Shae got done dirty by Tyrion by the way he parted ways with her, but she went a little too far with the way she repaid him. And then to get caught in Tywin’s bed chamber? That’s just cold. Rest in peace, floozy.

Jojen Reed

Jojen Reed

This warger met his end trying to bring Bran to the three-eyed raven. He was a sweet guy and it was sad to see him go, but he really wasn’t about that life. He was weak, and there’s no room for weakness beyond the wall. Still, it would’ve been nice to see him last a little longer, rather than being stabbed by an animated skeleton.

Pypar & Grenn

Pyp and Grenn

Their deaths marked the end of Jon Snow’s innocence. It happened during such an epic episode that I didn’t really feel it, but going back and watching previous seasons really sent the feels rushing in. They were Jon’s buddies and it was sad to see them go – Pyp to an arrow from Ygritte and Grenn to a storming giant. Both will be missed.

Lysa Arryn

Lysa Arryn

This lady had to go. She was bat-shit crazy. After admitting to murdering her late husband, former Hand of the King Jon Arryn, Petyr broke her heart right before knocking her out the moon door. In the game of “who created all this batshit crazy chaos,” she is definitely a runner-up.

Team Lannister

Cersei

Cersei Lannister

Cersei is in full momma bear mode after losing her first born. Tommen is a chance to start over, a clean slate and a son that isn’t a sociopath, but Margaery is swooping in like a seagull stealing a crab sandwich to steal Tommen’s influence. Cersei should be partially relieved by Tywin’s passing, as she no longer has to worry about being married off to Ser Loras, nor does she have to worry about having to reveal her incestuous secret to the world. At the end of the day, I still hate her – and you should, too.

Jaime

Jaime Lannister

After kind of having some revelation about what a dick he is, you almost forget that this entire mythology started because he decided to fuck his sister while on vacation. If he could keep it in his pants and out of the gene pool for two days, the chain reaction wouldn’t have happened. Anyway, he charged Brienne with protecting Sansa and risked it all to help Tyrion escape, so there is some redemption. However, he still wants to bang his twin sister and may have regretted his decision to rescue his brother when he finds out it was at the cost of his Head of House.

The Mountain

The Mountain

Ser Gregor Clegane may have gotten the upper hand against Oberyn in battle, but Oberyn’s use of poison let to a nasty infection that seemed to have put The Mountain down for good. His blood was all coagulated and black and disgusting (like after a snake bite! Ha! Oberyn gets the last laugh). After being medically dead, Cersei okays giving his body over to Qyburn, the Westeros equivalent of a mad scientist. He’ll probably end up as some mindless Frankenstein’s monster.

Team Tully

Edmure Tully

Edmure Tully

Last we saw of this character, he was getting married to Roslin Frey. This wedding had the WORST after party I’ve ever seen. Was he assassinated along with the rest of his family? Was he kept alive and demanded to swear his loyalty to Walder Frey? Many questions, with few answers.

Brynden Tully

Brynden Tully

WHERE ARE YOU? This is one of the few things we can say about The Blackfish. Last we saw of this character, he left Edmure’s wedding to go take a pee outside. He was not present for what had occurred after the ceremony. This leads us to believe he had escaped. Currently his whereabouts are unknown; however, it would be pretty neat to see him make a return for the fifth season.

Team Martell

Mycella

Mycella Baratheon

We haven’t seen her in seasons, but she’s the “leverage” the Martells have used against the Lannisters, sent as a peace offering between the houses by Tyrion in his stead as Hand of the King. From what Oberyn was saying, the Dornish people are kind, and will not be looking for retaliation on her specifically for Oberyn’s death. Expect to see a lot of her in Season 5.

Ellaria Sand

Ellaria Sand

After seeing her babies’ daddy murdered in front of her in the grossest way possible, I’m going to assume that her stay at King’s Landing has come to an end. She is mother to the Sand Snakes – the three bastard daughters of Oberyn Martell – who will undoubtedly be looking to get revenge. I’m curious on whether Ellaria’s position is the same, or whether she will be speaking out against retribution. Oberyn’s involvement was voluntary, but The Mountain’s admission to past crimes will make for interesting dinner conversation.

Doran Martell

Prince Doran

Oberyn has an older, less sexually-active brother. His son is betrothed to Myrcella Baratheon, and he is confined to a wheelchair due to gout – so he’s kind of a bitch. We’ll see what happens this season after the news that The Mountain has murdered two of his siblings now.

The North

Sansa & Littlefinger

Sansa Stark

Sansa escaped King’s Landing with Dontos Hollard after the chaos of the Purple Wedding, which was extremely lucky considering she unknowingly played a part in douche King Joffrey’s death with the poison in her necklace. Dontos leads Sansa to a ship, which is captained by Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, who then kills Dontos. The two travel all the way to the Eyrie to see her aunt Lysa Arryn. Lysa quickly goes kind of nuts and tries to kill Sansa in a fit of jealousy after seeing Petyr kiss her. Instead, Petyr pushes Lysa through the moon door and kills her. After a quick trial, a totally goth-ed out for some reason Sansa joins Petyr and Robin on a tour of the Vale.

Raisin Bran and Hodor

Bran and Hodor

Last time we saw this dynamic duo, Bran was chasing his vision of the one eyed raven beyond the wall and into the North. Despite Hodor’s valiant speech against this action, Bran hopped on Hodor’s back and said mush. Finally reaching the Heart Tree from Bran’s vision the gang fell under attack by an army of skeletons. Luckily the crew was saved by a child of the forest with her magical powers. Once inside the Heart Tree, they saw no one eyed raven, but rather an old man who had been waiting for them to arrive. So what’s going to happen next? Welp, at least for this season it doesn’t matter. News broke long ago of how these two would not be appearing in the next season. If this is news to you, allow yourselves to weep ever so gently until the new season starts, for we have an Iron Throne to chase.

Roose & Ramsay Bolton

Roose Bolton

After formerly being given a proper last name, Ramsay is a dog off his leash. Roose not a good guy (I guess?). He fought in the name of Robb Stark before betraying him (with Walder Fray’s help). I mean, the guy has a flayed man as his banner, so you get the feeling that he’s generally not a nice guy. After legitimizing Ramsay, the Boltons move into Winterfell, assuming the role of warden of the North. I can’t help but feel that Ramsay is a badass, but he’s pretty unstable.

The Artist Formerly Known as Theon

Theon Greyjoy

Theon is no more – only Reek remains. This dickless wonder has completely lost all sense of being, and is shackled psychologically to Ramsay. He can’t even pretend to be Theon anymore. Alfie Allen is doing a phenomenal job at acting the part, and with the Boltons being as manipulative as they have been, I hope we can see more of Reek and how his role progresses. I just know that it sucks being Theon.

Rickon & Osha

Rickon and Osha

I have no idea where they are or what they are up to. Bran and Hodor left them behind to go look for the three-eyed raven, and they have been out of sight, out of mind ever since. Rickon could make some comeback if Bran were to die, but my guess is that he will fade into oblivion. It would be nice to see Tonks from Harry Potter again, though.

The Super North (The Wall & Beyond)

The guy who knows nothing

Jon Snow

Jon Snow lost his wildling lover Ygritte in at battle at The Wall. He successfully defended the Night Watch, although many Wildlings perished. Mance Rayder felt thoroughly betrayed by Jon, and just as their peace making session was about to go awry, Stannis Baratheon and Davos Seaworth showed up and killed basically all the Wildlings. Jon convinced them to take Mance prisoner instead of killing him out of respect for Ned Stark. At the mass wildling body burning Jon got the evil eye from The Red Woman, and then with a broken heart he brought Ygritte’s body to the woods and gave her a proper burial.

Samwell Tarly & Gilly

Sam and Gilly

It’s all love and war in Sam’s life at the moment. I’m just going to say it, Sam’s life sucks. He is fighting a war he never wanted, he had to watch his friend Pyp die in his arms, and he is taking care of a baby that isn’t even his. Toward the end of the battle, Sam returns to where Gilly was hiding to make sure she and the baby were safe. Once again, Sam’s life sucks.

Stannis Baratheon, Melisandre & Davos

Davos and Stannis

Thank God, somebody finally give two shits about the frozen ice zombies. Stannis is not a popular man, but he is flying the banner of righteousness. At least somebody cares about the fate of the seven kingdoms. They now have an army with them – supplied by the coin from the Iron Bank of Bravos. After taking advisement from Jon Snow and Mance Rayder, it will be interesting to see how Stannis takes up arms against Winter.

Mance Rayder

Mance Rayder

Just in one of the tensest moments of the season where Mance Rayder stands with Jon Snow in intense negotiations, Stannis shows up to put the entire moment on ice. However, this is just the beginning for Mance for he was taken prisoner by Stannis Boratheon along with his fellow wildlings. In season 5, I highly doubt Mance will accept this, and I smell a rebellion in the future. 

Team Tyrell

Margaery Tyrell

Margaery Tyrell

Last time we viewed this vixen she was flashing some leg towards the new king Tommen in hope of becoming the new queen. Margaery desperately wants to become queen and it seems as though little will stop her in her quest. By seducing Tommen, Margaery is setting herself to gain the new title. Within this next season, I predict we will see such as union between Margaery and Tommen. A union to make all the men say, “Man, why can’t I be Tommen.” As far as the impact of this marriage, I do not know; yet, I believe it will mean more than we see.

Ser Loras Tyrell

Ser Loras

Ser Loras is currently caught in the middle of a nasty and gross love triangle between himself, Cersei and Jamie. The only problem is Jamie and Cersei are the only ones who love each other. With the pending threat of Tywin to marry Cersei to Loras, no one seems to be happy about this. Poor Ser Loras. Remember how way back in the day, Loras beat The Mountain in a joust, well, no one cares anymore I guess.

Team Greyjoy

Yara & Balon Greyjoy

balon and yara greyjoy

After a valiant rescue attempt to rescue her brother went awry, Yara returns home, claiming that her brother is dead. The Greyjoys are typically cowards, but Yara has enough balls for the lot of them. Balon is faced with the prospect of a dickless son who is unable to continue the family line, and a daughter who is a better leader than he is.

Team Dany

Daenerys Targaryen

Daenarys Targareyen

Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, The First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of Andals, and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons is doing her best to add additional titles to her name. Last we saw of our Khaleesi, she was sadly locking her dragons away in the catacombs due to the harm Drogon has been introducing to the citizens of Meereen. There is only one problem though; THE WRONG DRAGONS HAVE BEEN LOCKED AWAY. Drogon is the single dragon causing all the problems; however, he is nowhere to be found. Yet in season 5, Daenerys appears to a major plot point in the show. We may experience more Daenaerys this season compared to others. Perhaps she is finally ready to make her move for true power.

Missandei & Greyworm

missandei and greyworm

Grey Worm love Missandei. It’s crazy to see the sexual tension between these two and it makes me wish I could lend Grey Worm my penis for at least one night. I’m excited to see this power couple make moves with Daenerys in the upcoming season.

The Dragons

drogon and daenerys

After crisping up somebody’s daughter, Dany decides to chain up Rhaegal and Viserion… even though it was Drogon that is causing all the havoc. He’s going to return this season, and it’s going to be pant-shittingly terrifying. He’s HUGE now, which makes me wonder just how big the other two are, and whether or not they are even Team Dany anymore.

The Cripples, Bastards & Broken Things (Odds and Ends)

Tyrion

Tyrion

When it came time for Tyrion’s trial by combat Prince Oberyn Martell (the Red Viper) volunteered to champion for him, wanting to take advantage of the man who raped and killed his sister Elia, who happens to be Tyrion’s opponent. All the horror of that battle aside, the Red Viper’s death ultimately means that Tyrion’s fate was sealed and he was sentenced to death. He managed to escape prison with the help of Jaime and Varys, and discovered Shae in his father’s bed. After strangling her, he finds his father, Tywin Lannister, and shoots him in the stomach and then heart with a crossbow after a tearful confrontation. But that guy was a total dick, so I don’t think he’ll be missed. Varys, upon realizing that the king has fallen, decides to board the ship with Tyrion and leave his life at Westeros behind him.

Arya Stark

Arya

Arya was on a ship headed to Braavos when we last saw her. She is no longer accompanied by Sandor (The Hound) as she left him for dead at the bottom of a small cliff after he lost his fight with Brienne of Tarth. Brienne and Podrick Payne fought Sandor because they thought they were entitled to keep Arya instead of him. The Hound’s status is unknown because we didn’t see him die, so there is a chance he will show back up.

Gendry

Gendry

The late King Robert’s bastard narrowly escaped murder at the hands of a deluded Stannis Baratheon at Dragonstone, and is on the run… somewhere. There’s no way his journey is over, but it might be a while until something useful comes to fruition.

Jorah Mormont

Jorah Mormont

Looks like General Friend-Zone is out on his own now. Due to Daenerys finally knowing Jorah was originally sent as a spy for Varys, she banishes him from Meereen forever. It was Barristan who received the letter of Jorah’s pardon and proceeded to pass the note on to Daenerys. It will be very interesting to see where Jorah ends up in season 5. Regardless, I fail to believe his story is over.


 

Game of Thrones returns for Season 5 TODAY, April 12th, on HBO.

All images belong to HBO. Article written by Evan Lowe, Keriann McCauliffe and Sherif Elkhatib

 

Game of Thrones Review “The Watchers on the Wall” S4E9

This episode of Game of Thrones takes us to the Wall and beyond. Similar to Season 2’s Battle of Blackwater episode, the entire episode shows the siege of Castle Black. Whether or not you love this episode boils down to whether or not you like the Crows-Wilding story. In “The Watchers on the Wall,” we get some closure on a few subjects, but have some even bigger questions to ask. Oh, and there are SPOILERS abound here, so read at your own risk.

One of the biggest parallels is between the Night’s Watch and the Wildling army. The Night’s Watch has been led to believe that the Wildlings are savages, and the Wildlings believe the Crows are oppressors, but are they really all that different? Well, if you’re going off their wild sex adventures, then yes. Sitting atop the Wall, Jon Snow tries to articulate the experience of making love to Samwell Tarly. He uses such phrases as, “She had red hair.” Meanwhile, Tormund is boasting that he fucked a bear. A real life fucking bear, not the UrbanDictionary definition. Otherwise, there’s not a lot of difference between the two factions. As Sam reads through books to learn about all the terrible deeds that the Wildlings have done in the past. Maester Aemon encourages Sam to think about the stories the Wildlings must tell about the Men of the Night’s Watch. That’s when Aemon drops some jewels on Sam.

tumblr_n6re0f50ZV1tdiqvlo1_500

“Love is the death of duty,” he says. This old man sees right through Sam’s fear. Hopefully Sam heeds the Maester’s words. Once Aemon Targaryen, brother to King Aegon IV, this guy is one of my favorite characters in the show. There’s a quote in there that made me forget that everybody was about to die; “You can imagine all manners of horrors befalling that poor girl and her child. Is it so difficult to imagine that an old person was once – more or less – like you?” Luckily for Sam, Gilly was able to slip by the Wildling elites and find her way to the castle gates. Sam takes Gilly down to a cellar room and then gives her a big ol smooch before promising he’ll come back. Note: Might be too soon, but Game of Thrones characters really need to stop promising loved ones that they won’t die.

Enough of that mushy stuff. It’s time to find out Where the Wild Lings Are. The battle horns have sounded and it’s time for battle. Sam gives Pyp some 411 on how to be a badass, since he is the guy that, you know, killed a White Walker. The speech that Sam makes about losing his identity and becoming “nothing” to make him lose all fear is pretty insightful, especially for Sam, who has come quite a ways from the frightened boy he joined the Night’s Watch as. This isn’t the only great speech. The episode is full of them. They aren’t quite on Tyrion’s level of “Let’s go fuck them in their asses!,” but these guys know what they’re talking about.

tumblr_n6wwo1z3Eg1qis07wo1_500

It’s also nice to know that, even in the face of death, Alliser Thorne is still a gigantic douche. I’m just thankful he’s with the good guys; I’m already one “cunt” away from wanting him pushed down the Wall, but he’s just so funny. Even the scene where they accidentally drop the barrel down the Wall prematurely had me dying. He may come of a bit strong, but Alliser is a good leader, and a great fighter. On the other hand, Janos Slynt, who used to be commander of the City Watch at King’s Watch before Tyrion shit-canned him, is a coward to the tenth degree. He has no idea what to do while in command, and flees from the top the first chance he gets, hiding in the meat locker Gilly is in. Awkwardly, Jon is left in command.

468px-S4E9_Giant

“Those are giants riding mammoths down there!” Why yes, Jon Snow, that is correct. Somehow, there are giants. And they are riding wooly mammoths into battle. The strategy of the Wildlings seem a bit off to me. This could be due to the fact that Mance Rayder, the guy who organized this whole party, is missing. Climbing the wall is just a distraction, but sending giants to blow through the outer gates is genius. Why does nobody go through the outer gate is beyond me. One of my favorite scenes has to be the video-game like scrolling of Castle Black, showing murder and mayhem from every direction. It really helps to show the chaotic and brutal nature of the battle.

got16-1-Stampeding-Mammoth-gets-lit-up

Let’s give it up for Ghost! It’s about time somebody let him out of his cage. Things always seem to be going well for Jon Snow when Ghost comes out to play. Snow goes full MC Hammer on Styr, the cannibalistic Thenn warrior who ate that kid’s dead parents. What a jerk. The war isn’t without its casualties, as two of Jon Snow’s best friends and allies have died. That’s not even the worst, as Ygritte’s hesitation leads to an Omar-esque death – getting shot by a little kid. Ygritte’s death was supposed to sad, and to an extent, it was. However, it was just too predictable. You knew there was no other way for her story to unfold than to die in Jon Snow’s arms, whispering with her last words “…you know nothing, Jon Snow…” It was SO cliché, but I suppose it had to happen that way.

tumblr_n6x19yDfpU1tspy1ho1_500

Perhaps Jon Snow really does no nothing. With the castle eventually reclaimed and the promise of impending attacks by the Wildling army on Castle Black, not to mention that the Castle is in terrible defense condition, Snow decides to embark on his own journey to kill Mance Rayder… by himself… with no weapons… without Ghost to protect him. It’s a terrible plan, but the idea of Snow going out on his own is one that I look forward to. Look, it’s not that I’m not sad that all these good characters are dying, but we grew up on Joss Whedon and The Wire; do your worst, George R.R. Martin.

 

Who won the Game of Thrones this episode?

Hands down, it’s got to be Sam. Love will make a person do strange things. In Game of Thrones, he has arguably grown the most out of any character since making his first appearance as an absolute coward in Season 1. It really all culminates after the talk he has with Maester Aemon about love. Realizing that he has something to really fight for, he grows some balls and tells Pyp to “open the fucking gate.” He is strong enough to continue fighting even when one of his best friends dies in his arms, even managing to put a bolt into a Thenn’s face. With Alliser out of commission and Slynt revealing himself a coward, who better to take command of the Night’s Watch than Sam, himself.

sam

 

Sadly, we’ll likely have to wait until next season to find out, as we have just one episode left in Season 4. Join us next week for the season finale,

 

All media credited to HBO

Game of Thrones Review “The Mountain and The Viper” S4E8

WOW, Okay, so… there will be SPOILERS here. There’s simply no way to talk about the episode without discussing the Mountain in the room.

One week off of Game of Thrones and I was a sad panda; I can’t even begin to think of how much this off-season is going to suck. “Mockingbird” set up what feels like a pivotal change amongst the varying characters. There is so much going on, it is hard to keep track at times. Given the name of the episode, we could only assume that this is where the big showdown happens; Oberyn Martell fighting for Tyrion Lannister’s freedom while The Mountain, Sir Gregor Cleagane, champions Cersei. While the rest of the episode doesn’t hold a candle to the fight, there so much going on here. In fact, the scenes at King’s Landing only take up maybe 10-15 minutes of the episode. Game of Thrones reminds me of a game of Skee-ball horse racing, playing all tables at once, trying to progress all the stories without letting any single story line get too far ahead.

This episode will forever be marked with a severe lack of foresight. All across the board, we come face to face with situations that could have been avoided with a little planning and a lot less pride.

You would think that with the Wildling army raiding and slaughtering nearby villages, maybe you should get your friend with no benefits out of there, Sam! He feels awful and he should. He stuck her in a gross whorehouse just so he wouldn’t the inconvenience of needing to let love in. The fact is that Gilly is not safe anywhere, and with the Wildling army encroaching, things don’t look too good for Castle Black and the Night’s Watch. They look so doomed to me at this point that I’m not really even interested in their outcome. Sorry, crows.

Daenerys has been the Breaker of Chains for quite some time, but there is one more set of shackles to be removed – the removal of Jorah Mormont from the friend-zone.  After selling out his Khaleesi to King Robert Baratheon to gain a pardon, he continued to stick by her side. But he also continued to spy on the Mother of Dragons for quite some time, which is confusing to me because there’s really no motive to do both, when he has the option to do either. In any case, the break-up between Jorah and his bestie is hard to watch. For almost four full seasons, Jorah has been her rock. Maybe this is just a sign that she doesn’t need the training wheels anymore. Or, more likely, it will mean that her reign will become even more unstable. It will be good to see them away from each other; Daenerys because Jorah was holding her back, and Jorah because he hasn’t really done much as a character in the series, regardless of his intriguing past. I could have done without the pathetic confession of love at the end though; being threatened to have your head thrown in Slaver’s Bay is not a cue to for romantic gestures.

Quick note: Last time Jorah received a royal pardon, it was accompanied by an attempted murder on the Mother of Dragons. Following the council meeting where Tywin agreed Daenerys needed to be taken out, it isn’t a stretch to think that there will be a follow-up to that – maybe resulting in the death of one of her dragons, or her newly-acquired boy toy, Daario.

Of all the failed romps this season, one romance that I do like unfolding is the one between Grey Worm and Missandei. It is probably the most organic in the entire show. Seeing Grey Worm grow as a person and as a commander is proof to me that Daenerys’ system works. It also means to me pretty plainly that one of them will die. Romance never lasts in Game of Thrones, even for people without genitalia. While it lasts, though, I look forward to seeing this relationship blossom, and for both characters to continue growing and learning from one another.

In other awkward parts of the world, The Hound and his traveling companion, (can you say traveling comedy show???) Arya Stark, finally make it to the Eryie, just in time to hear that Lady Lysa had died. Hound has a fittingly hilarious reaction, which is none at all, while Arya laughs heartily right in his face. It’s just so cool the way her character has developed. She chides The Hound for being too proud to use whatever means to kill somebody. This little girl, with her Needle, is giving murder critiques to the freaking Hound. It’s so amusing. Less amusing is the foreshadowing of that pesky neckwound, which is beginning to fester. I really hope that a gross bite-mark doesn’t ruin the best buddy cop duo in the realm.

Dude, my aunt is dead! LOL
Dude, my aunt is dead! LOL

There’s another tag team to watch out for, and they are just as dangerous. Peter Baelish and Sansa Stark have some explaining to do. Just a few days in, and he’s put his dirty ass shoes all over the Eryie’s couch. After pushing Liza down the Moon Door – seriously, worst house guest ever – he tries to lie his way out of the situation, but finds himself unable to convince the elites in the region. It takes the tears of Sansa, who finally unloads about just how shitty life has been for her, to save his skin with her lies. The tables have finally turned, and Sansa is able to manipulate others for a change. Could she be learning from Littlefinger the same way Arya has taken to The Hound, or is she being played again? I, for one, think the duo could work a two-man con game that would make American Hustle blush. I’m still a long way from liking her as a character, but I like the fact that she finally got the courage to give a little crap back to the world that’s thrown so much at her. At the end she emerges in a gorgeous dress, looking more and more like the creepy little clone of her dead mother that Baelish wants her to be. What’s up with the black hair? Well, it could be to mask her identity as a red-headed Tully, giving her away as Sansa Stark. Perhaps once she has won back the North (presumably), she will reveal herself as Lady Stark.

photo 2

Now to the main event, the reason you showed up early and bought expensive Ye Old Popped Corn – Viper vs Mountain! The outcome of this fight may mean the death of Tyrion Lannister. The scene where Tyrion and Jaime talk about their childhood is so humanizing and peaceful that you can’t help but smell the foreshadowing death in the air. The two genuinely love each other and joke about their slow cousin, who always wanted to smash beetles. Tyrion’s fixation with the smashing, and Jaime’s confusion at the fixation is a strong statement that Tyrion is a Lannister only in name.

Peter Dinklage was awesome in Days of Future Past as Bolliver Trask, but Tyrion Lannister is a role that only Dinklage could pull off. His presence, jokes and charisma have transcended the show itself, turning him into Game of Thrones‘ very own Daryl Dixon. His character may be coming to terms with death, but there’s no way they would let his character die, no matter the circumstance he finds himself in. We hope.

What about Oberyn? Surely he deserves some credit for winning 90% of the fight. Not really. His death made me even angrier than Robb Stark’s because I feel Oberyn had so much left to do. And not only was he exotic in the bedroom, he brought something entirely new to the show in terms of fighting style, something that I could watch for hours. In the end, his sad stubbornness cost him his life… and his face. Dear sweet baby Jesus…

It took me twenty minutes to realize what the outcome of the fight even means. When The Mountain punched out Oberyn’s teeth like he was holding a mouthful of Skittles, I was caught staring at a train-wreck. The remainder of the savagery was, hands-down, the most barbaric thing I have seen in my life, and I need to take some time to evaluate whether or not I’m okay with that. No matter how grossed out you were, you have to admit that this episode pushed the boundaries of television even further. The bar is set even higher now, and it will be up to some other show to take it even further.

photo 5

Now that Oberyn has had a head-on collision with Fuck Mountain, what is to happen next? Will Oberyn’s wife be allowed to return to Dorn? It’s not like you can keep that secret safe by killing her, but there’s no way this happens without Dorn flooding King’s Landing with a sea of rage. Fuck the King!

Who won the Game of Thrones this episode?

There’s a new bastard of the North in town, and his name is Ramsay Bolton. This twisted little shit is now heir to the North. Lord Mufasa Bolton takes Ramsay to the hilltops and explains how vast the North really is, and that one day it all be his – even the elephant graveyard! Ever since he captured Theon, cut off his manhood and shipped it to his family, I’ve never really been a fan of his. He stripped Theon of humanity and turned him into some weird pet. Over the past few episodes, though, Ramsay has become more affectionate towards Reek, rewarding Reek whenever he does something obedient. Perhaps the creepiest thing is that Reek loves Ramsay now, and although petrified of him, is willing to do tricks for his master with even the longest leash. By no means is this a relationship to model with your loved ones, but I can’t help but find it endearing in some sick way. Ramsay uses Reek to impersonate his former glory as Theon Greyjoy, and convince a weak stronghold to surrender without consequence. Then we get to see why the Bolton banner is a flayed man on a cross. It’s kind of their thing. Ramsay explains to Reek, “Traditions are important. Where are we without our history?” Ramsay is then removed his title of Snow and awarded the legacy of being a full-fledged Bolton. As frightening as it is to imagine Ramsay as the heir to the North, his success has been heavily tied to Reek and what he carries. Could Reek grow to become more like Varys? Or is he really just a tool of Ramsay’s hand?

photo 2

All media credited to HBO

Game of Thrones Review “Mockingbird” S4E7

Game of Thrones: “Mockingbird” Review

After one of the best performances I’ve ever seen in Game of Thrones, where Peter Dinklage’s Tyrion Lannister shot down any hope of a Lannister family reunion. Cersei’s mockery of a trial enraged Tyrion to the point that he refused Tywin’s offer to join the Night’s Watch, which played right into Cersei’s plan to have him murdered when he called for a trial by combat. This past week, the Hush team had a passionate debate as to whom the trial would feature and tonight we found out who would square off.

post-42379-The-Kingslayer-Brothers-tshirt-2nlQ

This season just keeps getting better and better, and the impending feeling that things as we’ve known them throughout the series will change immensely: Tyrion has completely severed ties with his family and put Jaime in a tough spot, Arya has grown into a killer thanks to her extended road trip with The Hound, Daenerys seems to be over-reaching and is unable to keep the territory she has seized, and Castle Black looks to be in for a doozy when the Wildling army comes to their doorstep – oh, and then there is the whole issue of the White Walkers approaching. There doesn’t appear to be one front-runner for the throne; something has to give somewhere.

Tyrion just can’t admit when he’s defeated, which makes for some damn good television. Tyrion is most entertaining and cunning when backed into a corner, but there aren’t too many people left to lean on. As habitual sister-raper and one-handed King’s Guard, Jamie Lannister, tries to remedy the situation, it’s evident that he doesn’t see Tywin for the monster he is. “You could kill a king, lose your hand, fuck your own sister; you’ll always be the Golden son.” It’s a believable relationship and adds to the heart-breaking fact that the King Slayer Bros. are breaking up the band. Tyrion is running out of choices for a champion, and when Cersei picks The Mountain as her champion and buys Bronn out, Tyrion is left in the cold. Bronn’s abandonment is not just unsurprising, but completely justifiable. Their break-up is even sadder than the one he had with Podrick, and it signifies Tyrion’s goodbye to the world he knows at King’s Landing.

The Mountain, played by Hafthor Bjornsson, is a 6'9" and 420 lb strongman competitor
The Mountain, played by Hafthor Bjornsson, is a 6’9″ and 420 lb Icelandic strongman competitor

Arya and The Hound have formed such an odd relationship. Arya let the cat out of the bag last episode when she mentioned that The Hound was a name on her list of people to murder, but they continue to help and protect each other while it is convenient. I’m not sure if there has been a symbiotic relationship formed between the two, but it seems they are both rubbing off on each other. Arya is becoming more ruthless, sticking Needle into the heart of one of her former captures with little second thought – as long as she knew his name before she did the deed. She has a code that’s stronger than Hound’s, which will come in handy when she uses that coin to call upon Jaqen H’ghar (valar morghulis). I thought it was a little weird the way The Hound opened up to Arya about being alone in the world, but I understood the point that the show was making. It’s also worth pointing out that an untreated wound is never good in Westeros – just ask Khal Drogo.

960

Speaking of, Daenerys is having a hell of a time keeping everything under control. She has become a fully realized ruler, complete with slaughter without prejudice. She finally gives in to Daario, and even General Friendzone, Jorah Mormont, can’t get in the way of their fling. Jorah is trying to open Khaleesi up to the fact that enemies live in a grey area, not all are evil beings. The mantra “They can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one” is repeated. I love the fire with which Daenerys rules, but she is becoming arrogant, and not even her sexy dress can keep her from annoying me this week.

GOT407_091913_HS_DSC54751

This is one of the most involved episodes of the season, showing almost everybody’s story to some extent, inching the season toward a clashing finale. Brienne and Podrick get a lead on where to find the Stark girls. Podrick still keeps Tyrion in his heart, as evidenced by his rate of alcohol consumption. Their trip to the Eyre can’t be a safe one, as they found a solution much too quickly. There is some more interaction with Stannis Baratheon’s women, as well, but not much happens. Their story has become the least interesting in the show to me, but I know this will play into war with the White Walkers somewhere – perhaps they will be able to save the Wall, where thousands of Wildlings will soon be descending upon Castle Black, similar to how Tywin ruined his invasion of King’s Landing.

Oberyn Martell emerged in Tyrion’s cell, telling him a story about how much Cersei hated Tyrion for his disfigurement and the death of their mother during childbirth. It’s an incredibly hurtful story, even bringing Tyrion to tears. Martell sees that Tyrion has really only been a Lannister in name, and tells Tyrion that Oberyn will his champion in the trial by combat, exacting revenge on The Mountain.

 

 

Who won the game of thrones this episode?

tumblr_n5sxhjdwKs1ruwssto7_250
Deuces

You thought we forgot about Peter Baelish? Never. This man is just too damn crafty to leave out. Littlefinger and Sansa have arrived at the Erye, which is one of the strongest holds in Westeros thanks to its narrow Black Gates. While he is obviously using Lysa Arryn for his title, things are not all right in this twisted family. Sansa is adjusting to a safe life (maybe not that safe, but way better than being Joffrey’s rape-toy if Baelish wouldn’t have whisked her away) in the Eyre, and even feels comfortable enough to bitch-slap Lysa’s son, Robert, when he ruins her snow castle. I don’t know if it’s the contrast of the snow or if it was a cool filter, but the shots of Sansa in the courtyard are beautiful. Littlefinger is most dangerous because he can make people believe that his scheming is what they actually wanted to happen. He will have Sansa under his little finger so quickly, she won’t know what happened. And it starts with making the crazy lady fly. Now the sneaky lord has his own kingdom, complete with a miniature Catelyn Tully at his side.

got407_092613_hs_dsc61841

Hush Comics gives “Mockingbird” a A- for the all-inclusive and very progressive story, which seems to be driving our well-established character roles right off a cliff. The relationships can get a bit awkward at times, specifically Arya and the Hound, and Sansa and Baelish, but there is just so much bubbling up that it’s bound to pop soon. The ability to tackle so many different progressions and still tie them back into the big picture is a feat not many shows can pull off. There’s a week hiatus of Game of Thrones next week; take a vacation, go outside and enjoy the weather. We’ll be in Houston for ComicPalooza next week, but keep an eye out for our updates on the con and watch us back here in two weeks for “The Mountain and The Viper,” which will be the showdown of The Mountain and Oberyn Martell GoT has been building up to all season.

All media credited to HBO

 

 

 

Game of Thrones Review “The Laws of Gods and Men” S4E6

Well, it’s been two weeks now, and it’s official, I miss Joffrey. I even went as far as to watch Batman Begins and skipped chapters to his scene with Katie Holmes (Rachel Dawes) as he clutched her side while Gotham was being ransacked.

Batboy

This also prompted me to return to season one of GoT. Hungry for spoilers I found Littlefinger’s diatribe about revenge in You Win or You Die to be especially juicy. He said, “I learned that I’ll never win, not that way. That’s their game, their rules. I’m not going to fight them. I’m going to fuck them. That’s what I know, that’s what I am, and only by admitting what we are do we get what we want.”

We open with Stannis Baratheon on a ship entering the shores of Bravvos underneath a huge stone statue of a soldier. The scene was pretty LOTR looking if you ask me. He seeks council with The Iron Bank. Stannis pleads his case to the bank for the throne of Westeros. He only has 4,000 men and 32 ships, not nearly enough to defeat the Lannisters. The Iron Bank declines.

Iron Bank

Ser Davos intercedes and makes the argument that after Tywin is gone, who will take the throne? How will the bank recover its losses to the Lannisters? He convinces the bank and recruits his long time pirate friend Salladhor Sam, aka the Lando Calrissian of this Game of Thrones shit.

Next, the Greyjoys attack. Yara leads a small army on Ramsay Snow at Dreadfort. She gives a Braveheart-like speech. They must return Theon home and punish those that have hurt him. But Theon is no longer Theon, he is Reek. Ramsay has made sure of that. Yara plans to storm the dungeons only to find out that Reek lives in the kennel with the dogs. The Greyjoys give a valiant effort to free Reek and escape, but Reek refuses and his resistance nearly costs them their lives. He has been broken and now belongs to Ramsay. I wanted to feel sorry for him until I remembered how much of a dick he was…literally. Yara and her army leave him with Ramsay and declare him a lost cause.

Reek is rewarded with a bath. His obedience is frightening. He has been broken. Snow can now use Theon to do whatever he wants. Ramsay now plots a take over of Dreadfort.

Green hills. Clear skies. A picture perfect day in Meereen for a boy, his father and their flock of sheep, until a dragon the size of a school bus rises over a cliff and burns everything in sight! Remember that shitty Christian Bale movie, Reign of Fire? Even though the movie sucked, the dragons were awesome. They had a great way of moving stealth until a fatal strike. That’s how Dany’s dragon got the drop on the flock. I have to admit, the scene was pretty epic.

dragon-lunch

Queen Daenerys is on her throne. Her first act is to pay the shepherd three times what his flock was worth after her dragon’s afternoon snack. One of Meereen’s citizens comes to Dany for funeral rights for his father, a former master of Meereen. He pleads her to take the crucified masters down as a son who loved his father. She grants his wish as her first act of mercy. Don’t get too excited, she still has 212 supplicants to go. Ser Jorah rolls his eyes.

Dany
Knight Court

Lord Oberyn of Dorne is now on the council at Kings Landing. The council discusses rumors of, “The Mountain’ and “The Hound.” But the more pressing issue is Daenery’s and her Unsullied, three dragons, Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan at her side. Tywin believes Dany should be dealt with and a plan is hatched.

Lord Varys and Oberyn speak about the Unsullied. Oberyn determines where Varys is from originally. When asked about his sexual tastes, Varys replies, “Absence of desire leaves one free to pursue other things.”

Jamie greets Tyrion in his cell. It is time for his trial. After being cuffed, Tyrion spouts, “Well, we mustn’t disappoint father.” The two King-slayers walk into the great chamber. Tommen is shown respect as king of The Iron Throne. He recuses himself from the trial. As he walks away Tyrion seems disappointed, he was once quite fond of the child.

Tyrion on Trial

Tywin takes control of the trial and seats himself in the Iron Throne. In response to his father’s accusation of murder he proclaims, “Blame the pigeons, just leave me out of it.” In reference to the Pigeon Pie Joffrey ate as he died. Without question Joffrey was poisoned by The Strangler, a concoction made from plants of the Jade Sea. The poison kills its victims by making it appear as if they choked to death. Witness after witness are called to the stand and all accuse Tyrion of the deed. They use his own words against him. Cersei has her day in court as well. Tyrion is being railroaded. Lord Varys all but accuses him of treason when he implies that Tyrion was sympathetic to the Stark’s cause. Tyrion asked him whether or not he forgot the victory at Blackwater. It wasn’t enough to bring Lord Varys to his aid.

Dany and me

Jamie fights for his brother, this is the most honorable we have seen him. He begs Tywin to spare Tyrion’s life. He recalls that he killed the Mad King to save Tywin. Without Tyrion he will have no one to carry the Lannister banner into future battles. He offers to take Tywin’s place as heir if he saves Tyrion’s life. An offer is made. If Tyrion admits to murdering the king he will spend the rest of his days on The Wall with The Knight’s Watch. Jamie plans this strategy with his brother. Jamie tells him to beg for mercy. Tyrion has a moment of hope before the bottom falls. They call Shae as a witness. Tyrion is shocked. Sidenote; The acting in this scene is brilliant, shout out to Peter Dinklage! He is by far the most entertaining actor on this show.
Shae is heart-broken and bitter. She lies and says that Tyrion and Sansa plotted against Joffrey. She claims that she heard the whole thing and knew that he stole the poison. Her true motives are revealed when she proclaims that she was his property, his whore. Now he is broken. All of the things that he has said and done have now come back to haunt him. Shae says that he promised to kill King Joffrey for Sansa. Tyrion has had enough. He confesses and blurts to the onlookers that he, “Should have let Stannis kill you all!” Referring back to the battle of Blackwater.

One of the most powerful moments in the entire series comes next. Tyrion is tired and defeated. He has nowhere else to hide. There is no place behind the Lannister name, neither behind his wit or his drunkenness. All he has is pride, and he uses it to his advantage. He proclaims;

“Yes father I’m guilty. I’m guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I’m on trial for being a dwarf. I’ve been on trial my entire life. I wish I was the monster you think I am.”

“I demand a trial by combat.”

Next week’s episode is Mockingbird
This episode was written by Byran Cogman

Pictures courtesy of HBO.com, Huffingtonpost.com and MTV.com

Game of a Thrones Review “First of His Name” S4E5

I took the Game of Thrones personality quiz and I ended up in the house of Stark. The unlucky Starks have been pushed out of buildings and publicly beheaded, so at first glance they don’t seem like a clan you’d want to roll with. Unless you happen to be Arya Stark. Then it’s ok.

SPOILER ALERT! READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK. (Too bad Catelyn Stark didn’t get the same warning.)

For some reason one quote from last week’s episode, Oath Keeper, kept running through my mind in anticipation of this week’s First of His Name. Littlefinger hissed, “Keep your foes confused.” This one liner was a subtle hint to prepare us for this week’s bombshell.

Tommen crown

We open with the crowning of King Tommen. He is clearly not torturing neighborhood cats or taping “kick me” signs on the backs of the socially inept like his deceased brother. Long live Joffery! Tommen is now Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, (for whatever that is worth.) With dragon-led slave rebellions and White Walkers adopting kids like Brad and Angelina, we’ll see how long his rule lasts. He seems unsure about his station, but excited about his new crush. Margaery still has her heart set on being queen. They share a tender moment from afar until Cersei interrupts. That moment offered Cersei a perfect opportunity to confront Margaery. Both women are now widowed queens. Both of their husbands had been murdered and they seem to understand that. Cersei, for the first time, shows vulnerability when speaking on how much of a monster her son was. She finally admits her discontent with Joffery and we see a side to her we thought never existed. But both women are still playing the game. The throne can be manipulated by whomever the king takes as council. Yet another hint from last week, this time from Tywin.

Danearys is reveling over her victory in Meereen. We find her in war council. News of Joffery’s death has reached her and she seeks to take King’s Landing. But every action has an opposite reaction. The slaves she had previously liberated have fallen victim to even worse circumstances. She proclaims, “I will do what queens do, I will rule.”

Dragon

Somehow this choice seems far more dangerous for the Lannisters. If Dany decides to create a new kingdom in the Westeros, everything around it may come crumbling down.

Littlefinger takes Sansa to the Bloody Gate and he is welcomed as Lord Bealish. Sansa is greeted by her bat-shit crazy aunt, Lysa Arryn, and somehow she feels safe. It is quickly revealed that Lysa poisoned Jon Arryn, former Hand of The King to Robert Baratheon, by the command of her lover Petyr Bealish! He also instructed her to write the letter to her sister Catelyn accusing the Lannisters of the deed. So Littlefinger is behind all of the fucked up things that have happened in the Westeros! And if that’s not crazy enough, he and Lysa have what must be the least sexy sex scene in the whole series without even being on screen. “Uuuuuughhgh!”

Lysa’s love for Bealish is real. Creepy, but real. In a fit of jealousy she confronts Sansa. The deranged lover reveals the plan to force Sansa to wed her child son Robin and become Lady of the Vale. Ew. Sansa is mortified and may finally realize that no one in the Westeros is to be trusted.

Tywin and Cersei have a heart-to-wallet talk. The Tyrells have the resources they need to run the Seven Kingdoms, with out them the Iron Bank of Braavos will foreclose on their property, regardless if they pass GO.

Arya is the baddest character on the show…say something! She recites the names on her kill list by camp fire. She can’t sleep until she says the names of those she means to slaughter.

Arya

The Hound tells her to be quiet, until she insists on completing the names. He is shocked to find out that his own name is the last on that list.

Cersei greets Oberyn. She wants revenge for her son and she hopes that she can manipulate him into a guilty verdict for Tyrion. She asks him, “What good is power if you cannot protect the ones you love?”

Dorne

In another heartfelt moment she asks that he look after her daughter Myrcella. He says that she is safe in Dorne, Cersei replies coldly, “Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls.” Can we say foreshadowing?

Bran, Hodor, Meera and Jojen are still Karl’s captives at Craster’s Keep. Locke found them as The Knight’s Watch prepared their attack on the deserters, but he has plans to kidnap Bran before Jon realizes his brother was ever there. Karl plans on raping Bran’s companion Meera when the siege begins. As Locke tries to escape with Bran, he uses his Warg ability and possess Hodor’s mind! In epic fashion he snaps Locke’s neck and the band is back on their way north to find the Three-eyed raven. But the GoT kill of the week goes to Jon Snow. In Mortal Kombat fatality mode he impales Karl through the mouth with his blade. It is one of the most gruesome scenes in the entire series.

Jonsnow

Finally, Ghost (Jon’s Dire Wolf) has his revenge on the final mutineer and is reunited with his bonded companion.

Next Week! The Laws of Gods and Men. We will see the liberation of Theon Greyjoy and the trial of Tyrion Lannister!

Pictures courtesy of nerdist.com and mtv.com

Sent from my iPad

Game of Thrones Review “Oathkeeper” S4E4

One more Sunday, and one more episode of Game of Thrones. “Oathkeeper” is a prime example of GoT”s ability to tell several stories at once, and not add confusion, even with a large ensemble cast. “Oathkeeper” begins the same place that “Breaker of Chains” left off. The Mother of Dragons is continuing her quest to free all of the slaves in the Seven Kingdoms. By this point, she really has seem to found the winning formula. In no time, Meereen belongs to her army, which is swelling in size. It’s a sequence that feels a lot like the last season of Spartacus, but without the Romans. Well, karma is a bitch, and her name is Daenerys Targaryen. The graphic scene at in the season opener has really come back to screw the Meereen people when her army nails them all to planks. The woman who once had the gentle heart now firmly “answers injustice with justice.” It’s great character development and I can’t see why she won’t keep progressing as a serious threat to the throne. I’m also really liking the rise of Grey Worm. He’s struggling to find what is left of his humanity, but has enough depth to make viewers root for him. I couldn’t help but cheer when I saw Khaleesi raise the Targaryen banner over the city walls.

kill the masters

Back at King’s Landing, Tyrion is still in deep doo-doo. Dismissing both Podrick and Shae, as well as not being allowed visitation from Bronn, he has only one true ally in the realm – Sir Rapes-a-Lot, Jamie Lannister. Jamie is often criticized for coming to the defense of his pitiful brother, and pretty much started the war with Ned Stark when he thought he had taken Tyrion captive. However, being guilted into killing Tyrion by his crazy sister/lover has really driven a wedge in the relationship. That’s where the much-appreciated harsh honesty of Bronn comes in handy. Bronn validates Jamie’s instinct that Tyrion could not have murdered Joffrey. This is when I went nuts. Tyrion is no fool; he knows that Joffrey (and presumably Tommen) is Jamie’s child. Now that I think of it, Tywin might know, too. When discussing what makes a good king with Tommen, he referred to Robert Baratheon by name and not “your father.” Tyrion also understands that Cersei will not rest until both he and Sansa are dead. She’s totally losing it and I think we’re getting a glimpse of the Mad Queen in the making. Also, there’s big money out there for the person who creates a Kingslayer Bros. t-shirt.

bronn

Further validating that the awkward scene with Cersei was unnecessary, it looks like Jamie has really turned over a new leaf with his life. Or maybe, the relationship between he and Brienne has helped him see through the manipulation of his family. After Cersei’s order to track Sansa down and murder her leaves a bitter taste in Jamie’s mouth, he does perhaps the only noble thing he’s done in the entire series thus far. He gives the Valyrian steel sword forged from Robb Stark’s broadsword to Brienne as a reminder of the bond they made to return the Stark daughters to safety. Brienne also receives a squire for her trip – a familiar one at that! In a genuine show of appreciation, Brienne tells Jamie that she has decided to name the sword “Oathkeeper.”

skull juice

The Night’s Watch doesn’t get a lot of the love it should, because the events that take place in the North continue to be some of the most important in the series. As Jon Snow prepares to march to the mutineers and kill them before the wildling army gets to them first, the commanding officers are conspiring to get him killed, and there is a spy among them. Oh, and let’s not forget the freaking giant ice zombies. Life is not looking good for a crow. I mean, these mutineers are drinking wine out of the skulls of the men they killed. Meanwhile, we get to see the fate of all the sons that Craster was sacrificing to the White Walkers. This show was crazy enough without the prominent fantasy aspect, so how will have the White Walkers affect the dynamic of the show?

baby walker

Who won the game of thrones this episode?

My first instinct is to high five Tommen. Not only was his evil brother taken out of the picture, leaving Ser Pounce free from threats, but also making him the runner up with a legitimate mentor in Tywin. But the crown isn’t the only thing Tommen inherited from Joffrey; Margaery Tyrell has already promised herself to the young heir. Aside from having to pretend you miss your monster of a brother, this has been the best week for young Tommen. Unfortunately for him, though, he’s just a cog in the wheel.

necklace

The real winner here is Olenna Tyrell, who we learn is the real mastermind behind the Purple Wedding. She and Littlefinger both are moving pieces around the board when nobody even knows it’s their turn. When Olenna confesses her involvement to Margaery, she more or less pimps out her daughter to seize the attention of young Tommen. Of course, it takes a very opportunistic Margaery to pull it off, but you can see that Olenna is definitely pulling the strings. I love Olenna’s character because what she does, she does for the good of her house. She may have made a mistake by aligning herself with Littlefinger, a known conniver, but she looks to be the perfect match for his wit: noble enough to do the right thing, but smart enough to know when to abandon honor in exchange for survival. The best part of all of this is that nobody has suspected she or Littlefinger of this scheme.

So where do we go from here? It looks like Arya and Sansa are actually on track to get to the same place – Catelyn’s crazy sister with the boob juice. Meanwhile, Bran Stark has just made himself known to be alive in the very place Jon Snow marches to (and in the face of a wildling invasion. Will these be good Sark reunions or does this spell doom for the family of the North? Are Podrick and Brienne the new Westeros tag-team to watch? Can Dany take King’s Landing with the legion she’s amassed? Will Tommen end up chewed up and spit out by Cersei and Tyrion, or will he get himself some Margaery? Hopefully we’ll get some answers in next week’s episode, “First of His Name.”

All media credited to HBO

Game of Thrones Review “Breaker of Chains” S4E3

Game of Thrones: “Breaker of Chains” Review

Good day and welcome back to Hush Comics on this Easter Day as we go analyze this week’s episode of Game of Thrones, “Breaker of Chains.” I’m sorry to say, there were no Easter miracles taking place this evening – no resurrection of Ned Stark, no take-backsies from the Red Wedding or the Purple Wedding (oh darn…), but we are lucky enough to get a good follow-up episode.

easter got

Fresh off the insanity that was “The Lion and the Rose,” there are various reactions to the death of King Joffrey Bieberatheon. The realm engages in a city-wide sweep – a royal version of Clue, really. While Tyrion is taken into custody (this guy just cannot catch a break, yeesh), Dontos whisks Sansa away to safety. Even though I trusted Dontos’ intentions, I can’t help but feel I would not be trusting of him if I were in Sansa’s position. It is she that should be wearing the fool’s uniform, because this dumb girl does whatever she is told. Her inability for bravery has gotten her dire wolf and father killed; you can argue that her passiveness is the cause of Joffrey’s pomposity and bravado. So when Dontos says, “You’re stronger than you know,” all I can do is think about what utter horseshit that is. Perhaps she will bloom into the tough-as-nails Stark she really is, or maybe there wasn’t enough bravery for all of the Starks.

carcetti a hole

I was actually just talking to John about this yesterday, but I was wondering where in the hell Littlefinger was during all this chaos. And what do you know, there he was. I’ve hated him since Season 1, but just like Varys, I would never bet against a man with no morals and endless ambition. Varys’ enlightened opinion of Littlefinger’s scheme to steal “The Key of the North” and raise an army at Winterfell was spot on. It turns out that he orchestrated the whole thing, and that there were multiple players involved. Again, as much as I hate Littlefinger, I can’t help but respect his hustle. Mayor Carcetti would be proud of his ruthlessness: “Money buys a man’s silence for a time, but a bolt in the heart buys it forever.” Another food for thought, though, is that Varys only warned Olenna Tyrell of this plot. With everything unfolding as it did, I’m pretty convinced that Lady Tyrell had a major part to play in Joffrey’s assassination.

That is where it gets a bit confusing; outside of his own house, the House Tyrell had the most to lose in Joffrey’s death. Without boning Joffrey, the marriage was not consummated, meaning that Margaery’s position as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms is in question. Expectedly, the Tyrells do not shed a tear for their fallen King. Margaery is much more concerned with her loss of title, and Olenna is immensely thankful that he is gone. Actually, nobody cares that Joffrey is dead. Like a naughty joke at church, everybody wants to laugh and cheer, but it would be in bad taste. He does have one griever, and her name is Cersei. But, Fuck Cersei, seriously. Like Tyrion had told her before (although I believe in a mocking way), “A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth.” Although this is sadly a quote that now implicates the imp, Cersei has brought the whole house down on her head and it’s an absolute joy to watch her suffer.

joffrey tommen

Adding injury to insult is Jamie Lannister’s specialty, and this is no different. After being written off by Cersei for “taking too long,” Jamie has been trying desperately to win her back – which, when you forget the fact that they’re siblings, isn’t really that gross, right? I had figured that his time with Brienne of Tarth had humbled the great Kingslayer. He’s lost his hand, his ego and his title, so I figured that he had finally gotten a new lease on life. And in the following five minutes, he goes just about as far left as possible. After getting the cold shoulder from Cersei one more time, he wails that the gods are cruel for making him love a a hateful woman and proceed to rape his own sister at the foot of the her son’s corpse. At least now, if a woman asks you when chivalry died, you can reference the 15:00 mark of this episode.

The internal struggle for humanity is the common theme in “Breaker of Chains.” Sam is going through his own version of Jon Snow’s contention his his vows. He has fallen in love with Gilly, and is much more interested in keeping her safe and taken care of than the impending doom that awaits Castle Black. The Hound, who had seemed to be forming a symbiotic relationship with Arya after they discovered a mutual interest in murdering people, takes a nasty turn when he violates his own code by stealing from a good, honest man, earning him the title of “The Worst Shit in the Seven Kingdoms” by Arya. Oh, and let’s not forget about those cut-throat Wildlings; there is no fury like a woman scorned, and Ygritte is going to have to make some hard de… and there goes an arrow through the throat from Ygritte. Nevermind, then. All the while, Stannis Baratheon and Davos are scheming and plotting to make a comeback after their Season 2 humiliation at King’s Landing. Davos has given up his beliefs, siding with Melisandre and Stannis. He’s now a tool of Stannis, who is pretty much gone crazy. Imagine if the Westboro Baptist Church had nominated somebody for President… of the world. The night is dark, and full of bullshit (except for that time that demon baby murdered Renley).

 

OK! OK! No more potato jokes - I get it!
OK! OK! No more potato jokes – I get it!

Not everybody is losing their humanity, though. Stannis’ daughter, Shireen, has been teaching Davos how to read. She’s the one bright spot in easily the lamest of the Seven Kingdoms. She is well-read and sees right through Melisandre’s hocus-pocus. Meanwhile, Tyrion’s squire, Podrick, is unwaveringly loyal to his Lord – which usually ends up getting people murdered. Pod even sneaks Tyrion some food into his cell at the risk of his own life. It’s pretty hilarious, but Tyrion thinks ahead, and knows that “they, the ominous they” are following Podrick and orders Podrick leave King’s Landing immediately (Note: as loyal as Podrick has been, he never does say whether or not he agreed to the mystery man’s offer. You’d like to think so, but you never really know in this crazy game of thrones). Tyrion has effectively pushed away the only two people in his corner (Bran really only follows money, as enjoyable as his company may be). Even in his darkest time, Tyrion thinks of others, and is trying to figure out the crime instead of realizing that his own life hangs in the balance.

wanted me dead

Who won the game of thrones this episode?

Let’s not kid ourselves; the real winner of the game of thrones is Tywin Lannister in “Breaker of Chains.” After doing a good job of pretending to be outraged at his grandson’s death, he takes the next heir, Tommen, under his wing. Joffrey’s brother seems much less of a jerk, and Tywin seems pleasured to school young Tommen on the ways of Kingship. For being such a heartless bastard, he gives some solid, compassionate advice that makes me rethink everything about the rule of House Lannister. Considering Tywin was away while Joffrey pretty much caused a war for the throne from multiple sides that nearly cost the Lannisters the crown and lasted three seasons/books long, and maybe this is his way of making amends. He even goes so far as to try to appease Oberyn Martell and forge peace between the Houses – a difficult task seeing as Tywin gave the order to massacre Oberyn’s sister and her children. However, Tywin needs the Martell’s cooperation, because he has the vision to see that Daenerys Targaryen and her formidable forces in the East are in tow to Westeros – with three dragons! Has the Old Lion finally changed his ways, or is this just another trick to keep the Martells under his paw?

Oh, and yes,we finally get some Khaleesi time! It can definitely be argued that the Stormborn has just as good of an episode as Tywin. The trip to Westeros will come, but first she must build an army – an army of slaves. This episode, Meereen is the city being challenged by Daenerys. They meet her at the gate as they laugh in her face, insulting her ranks and the Mother of Dragons, herself. Khaleesi almost seems amused by the hurled insults, as her generals fight over the chance to represent her in battle. It was a little cheesy, and we knew who she was going to pick, but his delivery was well worth it (sorry, horse lovers).

i got this

Hush Comics gives “Breaker of Chains” a B for it’s solid progressing story and insightful look into Tywin’s mind. With every episode comes more anticipation of what is to come – which I hear is Winter. In the end, only Daneryas is able to “break the chains.” It seems Jamie, Sam, The Hound and Tyrion are still attached to theirs (Tyrion, literally). While each character struggles to grow or change, we as viewers get the pleasure of watching them struggle to do so. There is a lot to look forward to when we come back to next week’s episode, “Oathkeeper.”

All media credited to HBO

 

 

 

Game of Thrones Review “The Lion and the Rose” S4E2

The Lion and the Rose
SPOILER ALERT! Warning, this recap has major spoilers to “The Lion and the Rose,” if you haven’t watched the episode yet, please go to HBO GO immediately!

HBO GO shut down because of traffic last week, (this is after fixing the glitch that caused the True Detective season finale crash) 6.6 million viewers watched “Two Swords”, the season premier, and our favorite gamers got the cover of Vanity Fair magazine. Game of Thrones is making its argument for best television series of all time, or at least the bloodiest. According to Vanity Fair, (Yes, I read VF) the show has been illegally downloaded more than any other in history. Not only that, but President Barack Obama gets early screenings in the White House, not a bad perk for Commander-in-chief.

I’d like to start by saying that rarely does a T.V. series cause its watchers to be so impassioned. Just last week I had a Facebook war with fellow Hush writer, Jené Conrad about whether or not Khaleesi is a name or title for Daenerys Targaryen.

Image

Hurrah! George R.R. Martin actually wrote the script for this week’s episode. We open with a hunt. A young woman is being chased through the woods by Theon Greyjoy’s captor, Ramsay Snow, a female archer, Greyjoy, and a pack of wild dogs. Greyjoy, now called Reek by Ramsay, watches as Ramsay sadistically let’s the dogs tear her apart.

Image

We immediately cut to another phallic reference following that scene with Tyrion and Jamie eating a meal. This is an on going theme since Ramsay removed Theon’s…manhood.

Tyrion seeks to strengthen his bond with his brother by offering his bodyguard Bronn, to train him to use a sword with one hand. The scene made me laugh as I thought to myself of the classic, Princess Bride moment, “I am not left-handed!”

Image

Ramsay Snow, returns home. He greets his father, but the welcome is not friendly. It’s important to note that Ramsay is also a bastard. Ramsay’s father, Lord Roose Bolton seems domineering and cold. But they bask in their victories. Theon Greyjoy is presented as a trophy. Bolton is disappointed that Theon has been broken. But Ramsay earns his father’s graces by revealing that Bran and Rickon Stark are still alive. Theon admits that he did not murder the Stark boys and they are now part of the game. They quickly devise a plan and Jon Snow will soon be paid a visit by Locke, the guy who chopped off Jamie’s hand.

Tyrion has been warned by Lord Varys about his former lover, Shae being outed. Tywin Lannister promised to murder the next whore found with his son. Tyrion must now protect her.

Image

He confronts her, breaks her heart, for her own good, and demands that she leave. He arranged passage for her on a boat, she had no choice but to take his offer.

Image

We cut to Joffrey and Margaery’s pre-wedding ceremony. The book of The Four Kings is presented to Joffery as a gift from Tyrion. Joffery seems to have reconciled as he gives thanks to Tyrion. He then, in a spoiled fit, destroys the book Tyrion offered with a newly acquired Valyrian blade. He celebrates by antagonizing Sansa while gloating over the death of Ned Stark.

Stannis Baratheon is still sacrificing souls to strengthen his power. What a weirdo. Let’s hope Davis Seaworth gets out of there soon. He is still the only voice of reason in that cult of crazies.

Bran has been hunting as a Dire Wolf. His abilities to live as animals in the Westeros are growing stronger. He and his band are still traveling beyond the wall. He is having difficultly staying in human form. Hodor places him by a Heart Tree, these Weirwood trees with carved faces are found in the Godswood. Bran sees his father and the three eyed crow, and a dragon over King’s Landing. A voice commands him to go north.

Wedding of Joffery and Margaery Tyrell was magnificent. It was truly a wedding of royalty. Tyrion leaned into his wife Sansa and muttered, “Better her than you.” Preach!

Image

The celebration was grand and colorful. We have rarely seen King’s Landing that plush. In a tender moment, Margaery’s grandmother, Olenna Tyrell offers her condolences to Sansa by saying, “As if men need more reasons to fear marriage.” In reference to The Red Wedding. Jamie and Loras Tyrell get into a pissing match over Cersei. Jamie’s jealously is rampant. Loras is engaged to marry Cersei by order of Tywin. Immediately Cersei confronts Lady Brienne and the proud warrior woman inadvertently declares her love for Jamie. In a fit of anger, Cersei commands that the leftover food from the celebration go to the dogs of King’s Landing rather than the poor as the new Queen Margaery had declared.

Lord Oberyn finds the Lannisters in the middle of the celebration and intentionally insults Cersei and Tywin. He also subtly makes a threat on Cersei’s daughter, Myrcella. This revenge plot will be one to follow!

The party continues. The War of the five kings plays out in grand theatrical manner with fools in costume. Sansa watches in quite contemplation as everyone is disgusted except for Joffrey.

Image

Fools Rush In

He is cruel and pompous. Drunk on power Joffrey pours wine on Tyrion’s head, he continues to torment his uncle until the entire wedding party is uncomfortable. Joffrey drops his gauntlet and Sansa and Tyrion share a moment as she retrieves it for him.
Joffrey orders Tyrion to kneel. Tyrion refuses. The tension is high and is broken only when the pigeon pie is brought out. As Joffrey sips from his goblet. He begins to choke. It becomes clear that he has been poisoned! It’s about fucking time! In a glorious performance his face turns pale, then blue and purple. He points towards Tyrion with his final act as king and dies. This is the moment we have been waiting three seasons for! After countless good guys being murdered off, this was inevitable. I’m not ashamed to say that I will miss him. There are few characters on the show that we can hate so viscerally.

Image

Before you celebrate, keep in mind, he is barely a man. 

Joffrey is dead and Cersei believes Tyrion poisoned her son. She immediately orders him seized. Clearly Tyrion has been framed again. Remember the whole murder attempt on Bran’s life? This week’s episode was an A+! There was no frontal nudity and only one death, but it was the episode we were all hoping would happen!!!

Come back next week for our recap on “The Breaker of Chains.”

All media credited to HBO