“Respect My Craft” – Fiona Staples

In this consumer-based industry, it can be easy to forget the years of hard work that the people in the business put in. Behind every panel, it takes a skilled writer, artist, inker and colorist to make the product complete. Hush Comics’ weekly article “Respect My Craft” will dive into the history of these comic book greats that will hopefully give a new perspective on how the men and women behind the pen (or stylus) contribute to the collective awesome-ness of comic books, or at least give you a reason to invest in their work.

Click on the link to take you to all of our Denver Comic Con 2014 “Respect My Craft” articles

 

Name: Fiona Staples

Profession: Artist (penciler, inker and colorist)

Notable Work: Saga, DV8: Gods and Monsters

“When I DO see kids, I don’t want to say I intently observe them because that’s very creepy, but I have noticed they have different mannerisms than adults. They exist in a world where nothing is really sized to their proportions, so they have funny ways of sitting and fitting themselves into spaces.” – Fiona Staples

Denver Comic-Con 2013 had a who’s who of comic-book elite.  Neal Adams, Chris Ware, Jim Steranko are literal magazine-stand juggernauts. They have stories about every character and book they ever illustrated. These men have created worlds the rest of us rely on for entertainment, and sanity. I stood in line to get into The Con for four hours, but not for them. I stood in line for Fiona Staples. If you haven’t heard of her, or read Saga, or read my review of Saga: Volume One, or have been kidnapped by Skrulls and off-world for the past 3 years, let me take this time to say, “You have no idea what you’ve been missing.”

“This is how an idea becomes real.” Fiona Staples was born in Alberta, Calgary. Like most comic artists, she began drawing at a very young age. Her work was goth and anime inspired. She created from satire and chaos. She found her calling at Sir Winston Churchill High School, and at 19, got her first work in comics shelving at her local comic book store in Calgary. She later attended Alberta College of Art and Design and majored in Digital Communication.

“But ideas are fragile things.” She self-described her earlier work as black comedy, and that attracted her to WildStorm Comics. She was soon approached by Superman Returns and X2 screenwriter, Michael Dougherty, to produce a comic adaptation of his cult classic, Trick ‘r Treat. She remained with WildStorm to illustrate for North 40.  Staples also worked with 30 Days of Night author, Steve Niles on Mystery Society published by IDW in 2010. He was so impressed with her work that he introduced her to his friend, Brian K Vaughn. Lucky us.

“Two minds can sometimes improve the odds of an idea’s survival.” Brian Vaughn is arguably the best cross-media writer in the business.  He has written for ABC’s acclaimed series Lost, and worked with Steven Spielberg on Showtime’s Under the Dome. He also wrote Vertigo comic’s, Y: The Last Man. This pairing must have been conceived in Odin’s loins. The two began to work on a sci-fi book simply titled, Saga. The book was intentionally created so that it could not be easily adapted into a film. The duo just wanted to create a really good comic book with no gimmick or over-hyped pop culture fodder. Hopefully the rights will never be sold to a studio and we won’t be subjected to unnecessary seasons of bad TV. Both of these artists used a very non-conventional approach to story-telling, so a certain level of integrity had to be assumed. Vaughn and Staples didn’t even officially meet until their panel at San Diego Comic-Con 2011. Regardless, their finished product was astounding.

 

“But there are no guarantees.” Saga is that rare work in an art form that comes around once in a lifetime. Staples is deliciously satirical. Flipping through her pages must be a little like reading Chuck Palahniuk’s mind.  It’s a wonderful blend of taboo and the absurd. Her construction is almost as interesting as her end result. Click here to visit her official website. Staples draws her panels in thumbnail format, scans them into Manga Studio where she inks them, takes selfies for reference, then colors them in Photoshop. She also hand writes text in her panels. This technique enhances the story by giving the reader a narrator’s voice through penmanship. It’s absolutely brilliant. From an artist’s perspective her technique may seem like overkill, but without it, we may not have such a polished result. So what do you get? Besides one of the most popular comics on the shelves, an Eisner Award winner for best new series, and the praise of industry peers…you get fans for life. Fans like me, who only want to be inspired again. Fans who want to visit far off lands and meet interesting characters. Staples is also co-owner of Saga and a large chunk of its universe is from her imagination.

 

“Sorry, getting ahead of myself.” Much of Fiona Staples personal life is a mystery. Her age is unknown, her Facebook page is filled with riddles and playful myth, but one thing is certain, her work is a breath of fresh air. She conveys emotion through the stroke of a pen, the reader is drawn into her world through color and shape first, and then writing. I won’t spoil Saga for you, if you are interested in a synopsis of the first trade, go back in the Hush Archives. Truly, I suggest picking up or downloading her entire catalog. She has some impressive cover art and variants including the Art of Archie, Ultimate Spider-Man, Superman/Batman and The Walking Dead. 

 

 Art taken from http://fionastaples.tumblr.com

 After four hours in line I was able to give her a smile, thank her for renewing my love of comics and awkwardly asked for her autograph. I feel like she is one of those fanboy favorites we love to insult others lack of knowledge of. She is definitely the end to the exhausted gasp of disbelief, “You don’t know….!?” In all honesty, writing this article reminded me why I respect her craft so much. She is an artist’s artist, and the darkest corners of her mind brighten our existence.

Fiona Staples shows some love to John Soweto

None of the media in this article belongs to Hush Comics; it all belongs to their respective properties (NY Times, Spike TV, Broadway Books). Join us tomorrow as we continue our countdown to Denver Comic Con with Zombie Survival expert, Max Brooks.

Written by John Soweto

“Respect My Craft” – Adam West

In this consumer-based industry, it can be easy to forget the years of hard work that the people in the business put in. Behind every panel, it takes a skilled writer, artist, inker and colorist to make the product complete. Behind each scene goes hours of preparation. Hush Comics’ weekly article “Respect My Craft” will dive into the history of these comic book and pop culture greats that will hopefully give a new perspective on how the men and women behind the pen (or stylus) contribute to the collective awesome-ness of the nerd world, or at least give you a reason to invest in their work.

 

Click on the link to take you to all of our Denver Comic Con 2014 “Respect My Craft” articles

 

Name: Adam West

Profession: Actor

Notable Work: Batman television series (1966-1968), Family Guy (2000-2014)

“Pow! Bang! Crash!” – Adam West

 

Holy Onomatopoeia, Hushsters, the caped crusader will be at Denver Comic this year!” It’s only right that we pay homage to this iconic TV personality the Hush way, with spoilers! Enter at your own risk, we are going to drop some Easter Eggs on you for this episode of “RMC.”

William West Anderson was born on September 19th, 1928. As a kid, he was a legitimate Batman fan, which isn’t surprising. Media was limited in the 40’s and comic books were one of the few forms of media that were acceptable for children. He fell in love with entertainment and worked in everything from radio to theater. He changed his name to Adam West to be more appealing in Hollywood. Westerns were very popular on television, so it made sense. He starred in several westerns including: The Restless Four, Maverick, Geronimo, Bonanza and The Virginian.

Adam got the attention of ABC executives in the sixties due to his work as Captain Q, a secret agent in a NesQuik commercial. His line was, “Some people will do anything to get rich quick, toodle-oo.” He had an extensive resume, including a feature with The Three Stooges in The Outlaws is Coming. ABC was desperate to produce a show that could compete with its rivals. Lost in Space, The Munsters, and Star Trek were ratings giants for NBC and CBS. ABC pitched the Batman series in a risky attempt to keep up. They had a simple formula – over-the-top action and unwavering morality equals over-night success. Zowie! Although Adam and co-star Burt Ward (Robin) had to audition for their roles, they easily landed their parts after the show’s executive, William Dozier, also voice of the narrator, decided to produce the series as a campy adventure.

The first episode, “Hi Diddle Riddle,” aired January 12th, 1966. The series only lasted three seasons, but it aired twice a week. Imagine if Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones did the same! This show didn’t need sex or violence to be successful (not like they could have gotten away with it anyway); it had Batman and that’s all you need, and Batpoles, and an animated intro, and shark repellent, and villains, “Oh, the villains!” Thwapp!

Like most series of that era that targeted young viewers, each episode had a strong message of morality. Issues like pedestrian safety and doing homework were thrown into the action-packed show.

Sock! The villains the Dynamic Duo faced were splendid. Boom! They wore outrageous costumes and had henchman galore. Slap! Cesar Romero played a magnificent Joker. He was an instant hit. Eartha Kitt purred her way into the warm part of the couch as Catwoman. The fight sequences on the show felt like operatic dance numbers.

The gadgets the duo had were every boy’s dream, secret passageways, utility belts with tools to save the day, and a custom Batmobile to rival any sports car. The Lincoln Futura concept car from Ford was never put into production so it was a perfect choice for billionaire Bruce Wayne. Mechanic to the stars George Barris was commissioned to put the sleek model into action for the Batman series.

Life after Batman

Adam West’s career continued to thrive after Batman. He voiced the caped crusader and others for several animated series in the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. He made guest appearances on Laverne and Shirley, The Love Boat and Bewitched. His cartoon voice over work is second to none, shout out Mark Hamill.

Easter Eggs

He has a Batman logo on one of his molars.

On April 5th, 2012 he earned his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

His resume is long, his work includes Johnny Bravo, Kim Possible, Futurama, and The Simpsons. Do you remember him as the voice of R. Kelly’s Lawyer on Season One of The Boondocks? “Maybe R. Kelly did urinate on this woman, but America urinated on R. Kelly!” Classic.

And then there’s Family Guy.

West’s popularity as Mayor Adam West of Quahog on Seth McFarlane’s obnoxiously funny Family Guy is astounding. He is a fan favorite and deservedly so for 14 years! His deadpan humor transfers well on the show. He is never too prideful to poke fun at himself and that’s what makes him so special. His character is moronic and insane, but most importantly hilarious. Isn’t it ironic that his longest continual role is of himself, and as an animated character?

West is the standard for actors who portray superheroes. Instead of being type cast, he created a persona that could translate well in any comedic medium. He built an empire for himself by remaining true to his art. He is a living legend and a guys like Tobey Maguire and Brandon Routh could take a page out of his book. After watching several episodes of the iconic series to prepare for this article I find myself in a state of nostalgia. Sure, the new Batman ’66 comic book can fill a bit of the gap, but it’s not the same. Where are the writers and actors of yesteryear? When did television become so bitter and boring, where are the Adam Wests of today? I guess we’ll find out next week, same Bat-time, same Bat channel.

 

None of the media in this article belongs to Hush Comics; it all belongs to their respective properties (ABC, Cartoon Network, FOX Television). Join us tomorrow as we continue our countdown to Denver Comic Con with Star Trek: The Next Generation alumna, Marina Sirtis.

Game of Thrones Review “The Laws of Gods and Men” S4E6

Well, it’s been two weeks now, and it’s official, I miss Joffrey. I even went as far as to watch Batman Begins and skipped chapters to his scene with Katie Holmes (Rachel Dawes) as he clutched her side while Gotham was being ransacked.

This also prompted me to return to season one of GoT. Hungry for spoilers I found Littlefinger’s diatribe about revenge in You Win or You Die to be especially juicy. He said, “I learned that I’ll never win, not that way. That’s their game, their rules. I’m not going to fight them. I’m going to fuck them. That’s what I know, that’s what I am, and only by admitting what we are do we get what we want.”

We open with Stannis Baratheon on a ship entering the shores of Bravvos underneath a huge stone statue of a soldier. The scene was pretty LOTR looking if you ask me. He seeks council with The Iron Bank. Stannis pleads his case to the bank for the throne of Westeros. He only has 4,000 men and 32 ships, not nearly enough to defeat the Lannisters. The Iron Bank declines.

Ser Davos intercedes and makes the argument that after Tywin is gone, who will take the throne? How will the bank recover its losses to the Lannisters? He convinces the bank and recruits his long time pirate friend Salladhor Sam, aka the Lando Calrissian of this Game of Thrones shit.

Next, the Greyjoys attack. Yara leads a small army on Ramsay Snow at Dreadfort. She gives a Braveheart-like speech. They must return Theon home and punish those that have hurt him. But Theon is no longer Theon, he is Reek. Ramsay has made sure of that. Yara plans to storm the dungeons only to find out that Reek lives in the kennel with the dogs. The Greyjoys give a valiant effort to free Reek and escape, but Reek refuses and his resistance nearly costs them their lives. He has been broken and now belongs to Ramsay. I wanted to feel sorry for him until I remembered how much of a dick he was…literally. Yara and her army leave him with Ramsay and declare him a lost cause.

Reek is rewarded with a bath. His obedience is frightening. He has been broken. Snow can now use Theon to do whatever he wants. Ramsay now plots a take over of Dreadfort.

Green hills. Clear skies. A picture perfect day in Meereen for a boy, his father and their flock of sheep, until a dragon the size of a school bus rises over a cliff and burns everything in sight! Remember that shitty Christian Bale movie, Reign of Fire? Even though the movie sucked, the dragons were awesome. They had a great way of moving stealth until a fatal strike. That’s how Dany’s dragon got the drop on the flock. I have to admit, the scene was pretty epic.

Queen Daenerys is on her throne. Her first act is to pay the shepherd three times what his flock was worth after her dragon’s afternoon snack. One of Meereen’s citizens comes to Dany for funeral rights for his father, a former master of Meereen. He pleads her to take the crucified masters down as a son who loved his father. She grants his wish as her first act of mercy. Don’t get too excited, she still has 212 supplicants to go. Ser Jorah rolls his eyes.

Knight Court

Lord Oberyn of Dorne is now on the council at Kings Landing. The council discusses rumors of, “The Mountain’ and “The Hound.” But the more pressing issue is Daenery’s and her Unsullied, three dragons, Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan at her side. Tywin believes Dany should be dealt with and a plan is hatched.

Lord Varys and Oberyn speak about the Unsullied. Oberyn determines where Varys is from originally. When asked about his sexual tastes, Varys replies, “Absence of desire leaves one free to pursue other things.”

Jamie greets Tyrion in his cell. It is time for his trial. After being cuffed, Tyrion spouts, “Well, we mustn’t disappoint father.” The two King-slayers walk into the great chamber. Tommen is shown respect as king of The Iron Throne. He recuses himself from the trial. As he walks away Tyrion seems disappointed, he was once quite fond of the child.

Tywin takes control of the trial and seats himself in the Iron Throne. In response to his father’s accusation of murder he proclaims, “Blame the pigeons, just leave me out of it.” In reference to the Pigeon Pie Joffrey ate as he died. Without question Joffrey was poisoned by The Strangler, a concoction made from plants of the Jade Sea. The poison kills its victims by making it appear as if they choked to death. Witness after witness are called to the stand and all accuse Tyrion of the deed. They use his own words against him. Cersei has her day in court as well. Tyrion is being railroaded. Lord Varys all but accuses him of treason when he implies that Tyrion was sympathetic to the Stark’s cause. Tyrion asked him whether or not he forgot the victory at Blackwater. It wasn’t enough to bring Lord Varys to his aid.

Jamie fights for his brother, this is the most honorable we have seen him. He begs Tywin to spare Tyrion’s life. He recalls that he killed the Mad King to save Tywin. Without Tyrion he will have no one to carry the Lannister banner into future battles. He offers to take Tywin’s place as heir if he saves Tyrion’s life. An offer is made. If Tyrion admits to murdering the king he will spend the rest of his days on The Wall with The Knight’s Watch. Jamie plans this strategy with his brother. Jamie tells him to beg for mercy. Tyrion has a moment of hope before the bottom falls. They call Shae as a witness. Tyrion is shocked. Sidenote; The acting in this scene is brilliant, shout out to Peter Dinklage! He is by far the most entertaining actor on this show.
Shae is heart-broken and bitter. She lies and says that Tyrion and Sansa plotted against Joffrey. She claims that she heard the whole thing and knew that he stole the poison. Her true motives are revealed when she proclaims that she was his property, his whore. Now he is broken. All of the things that he has said and done have now come back to haunt him. Shae says that he promised to kill King Joffrey for Sansa. Tyrion has had enough. He confesses and blurts to the onlookers that he, “Should have let Stannis kill you all!” Referring back to the battle of Blackwater.

One of the most powerful moments in the entire series comes next. Tyrion is tired and defeated. He has nowhere else to hide. There is no place behind the Lannister name, neither behind his wit or his drunkenness. All he has is pride, and he uses it to his advantage. He proclaims;

“Yes father I’m guilty. I’m guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I’m on trial for being a dwarf. I’ve been on trial my entire life. I wish I was the monster you think I am.”

“I demand a trial by combat.”

Next week’s episode is Mockingbird
This episode was written by Byran Cogman

Pictures courtesy of HBO.com, Huffingtonpost.com and MTV.com

Game of a Thrones Review “First of His Name” S4E5

I took the Game of Thrones personality quiz and I ended up in the house of Stark. The unlucky Starks have been pushed out of buildings and publicly beheaded, so at first glance they don’t seem like a clan you’d want to roll with. Unless you happen to be Arya Stark. Then it’s ok.

SPOILER ALERT! READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK. (Too bad Catelyn Stark didn’t get the same warning.)

For some reason one quote from last week’s episode, Oath Keeper, kept running through my mind in anticipation of this week’s First of His Name. Littlefinger hissed, “Keep your foes confused.” This one liner was a subtle hint to prepare us for this week’s bombshell.

We open with the crowning of King Tommen. He is clearly not torturing neighborhood cats or taping “kick me” signs on the backs of the socially inept like his deceased brother. Long live Joffery! Tommen is now Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, (for whatever that is worth.) With dragon-led slave rebellions and White Walkers adopting kids like Brad and Angelina, we’ll see how long his rule lasts. He seems unsure about his station, but excited about his new crush. Margaery still has her heart set on being queen. They share a tender moment from afar until Cersei interrupts. That moment offered Cersei a perfect opportunity to confront Margaery. Both women are now widowed queens. Both of their husbands had been murdered and they seem to understand that. Cersei, for the first time, shows vulnerability when speaking on how much of a monster her son was. She finally admits her discontent with Joffery and we see a side to her we thought never existed. But both women are still playing the game. The throne can be manipulated by whomever the king takes as council. Yet another hint from last week, this time from Tywin.

Danearys is reveling over her victory in Meereen. We find her in war council. News of Joffery’s death has reached her and she seeks to take King’s Landing. But every action has an opposite reaction. The slaves she had previously liberated have fallen victim to even worse circumstances. She proclaims, “I will do what queens do, I will rule.”

Somehow this choice seems far more dangerous for the Lannisters. If Dany decides to create a new kingdom in the Westeros, everything around it may come crumbling down.

Littlefinger takes Sansa to the Bloody Gate and he is welcomed as Lord Bealish. Sansa is greeted by her bat-shit crazy aunt, Lysa Arryn, and somehow she feels safe. It is quickly revealed that Lysa poisoned Jon Arryn, former Hand of The King to Robert Baratheon, by the command of her lover Petyr Bealish! He also instructed her to write the letter to her sister Catelyn accusing the Lannisters of the deed. So Littlefinger is behind all of the fucked up things that have happened in the Westeros! And if that’s not crazy enough, he and Lysa have what must be the least sexy sex scene in the whole series without even being on screen. “Uuuuuughhgh!”

Lysa’s love for Bealish is real. Creepy, but real. In a fit of jealousy she confronts Sansa. The deranged lover reveals the plan to force Sansa to wed her child son Robin and become Lady of the Vale. Ew. Sansa is mortified and may finally realize that no one in the Westeros is to be trusted.

Tywin and Cersei have a heart-to-wallet talk. The Tyrells have the resources they need to run the Seven Kingdoms, with out them the Iron Bank of Braavos will foreclose on their property, regardless if they pass GO.

Arya is the baddest character on the show…say something! She recites the names on her kill list by camp fire. She can’t sleep until she says the names of those she means to slaughter.

The Hound tells her to be quiet, until she insists on completing the names. He is shocked to find out that his own name is the last on that list.

Cersei greets Oberyn. She wants revenge for her son and she hopes that she can manipulate him into a guilty verdict for Tyrion. She asks him, “What good is power if you cannot protect the ones you love?”

In another heartfelt moment she asks that he look after her daughter Myrcella. He says that she is safe in Dorne, Cersei replies coldly, “Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls.” Can we say foreshadowing?

Bran, Hodor, Meera and Jojen are still Karl’s captives at Craster’s Keep. Locke found them as The Knight’s Watch prepared their attack on the deserters, but he has plans to kidnap Bran before Jon realizes his brother was ever there. Karl plans on raping Bran’s companion Meera when the siege begins. As Locke tries to escape with Bran, he uses his Warg ability and possess Hodor’s mind! In epic fashion he snaps Locke’s neck and the band is back on their way north to find the Three-eyed raven. But the GoT kill of the week goes to Jon Snow. In Mortal Kombat fatality mode he impales Karl through the mouth with his blade. It is one of the most gruesome scenes in the entire series.

Finally, Ghost (Jon’s Dire Wolf) has his revenge on the final mutineer and is reunited with his bonded companion.

Next Week! The Laws of Gods and Men. We will see the liberation of Theon Greyjoy and the trial of Tyrion Lannister!

Pictures courtesy of nerdist.com and mtv.com

Sent from my iPad

Graphic Novel Review-Spider-Man: Torment

Spider-Man: Torment

Collecting: Spider-Man #1-5

Original Release Date: 1990 (collected edition released 2011)

Publisher: Marvel

Pages: 144

Characters: Spider-Man, Mary Jane Watson, Calypso, The Lizard, Kraven The Hunter

Writer/Artist: Todd McFarlane

StoryLine – 6

Art – 10

Captivity and Length – 7

Identity – 7

Use of Medium – 10

Depth – 8

Fluidity – 6

Intrigue/Originality – 9

The Little Things – 8

Overall awesomeness – 9

On the eve of the early premier to Columbia Pictures sequel to The Amazing Spider-Man, I ventured out to my garage to uncover my collection of Spider-Man arcs from over the years. Sidebar; It is important to recognize for the sake of this review that Spider-Man was my first nerdy obsession. I came to comics in purist tradition. There was no multi-billion dollar studio backing a franchise of movies or chain of retail stores carpet bagging 80’s cartoon T-shirts for the neo-nerds to wear as ironic or trendy. There were no celebrities gushing over their love of all things Marvel in hopes of landing the next big role. Web-heads like me had NBC’s Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends on Saturday mornings, and that’s about it.

Todd McFarlane’s Spider-Man saved my life. 1988 was a hard year for my family. My mother decided to move from New York City half way around the country to Denver to be closer to my grandparents. Nothing could have been more crushing to me at the time. All I knew was New York; other cities didn’t even exist to me. There are only two truths that keep me half-way sane: the Yankees are the greatest sports team ever assembled and Spider-Man is the best super hero in all of comics.

Parker is a New Yorker without both of his parents. He is nerdy and unsure of himself. Spider-Man reminded me of home. Without Spider-Man, I may not have fallen in love with comic books.

When McFarlane announced that he was leaving The Amazing Spider-Man, my heart sunk. The man who gave us spaghetti-webbing was leaving; who could possibly replace him? It was soon released that McFarlane would launch a new Spidey book simply titled Spider-Man. Not only would Todd pencil the book, but he would write its stories too. This was a dream come true! The man who gave us Venom would be responsible for creating new villains and plots in the Marvel universe! His first attempt launched in 1990 was the five part mini-series, Torment.

The first issue gave us an iconic cover. The Wall-Crawler, hunched over, over-exaggerated eyes, twisted arm, nestled safely in his web was here! Spider-Man sold 2.5 million copies initially. It’s variant covers helped push the title into uncharted territory in sales.

And to top it off, in the top right hand corner of the issue, McFarlane dubbed the series, The Legend of The ArachKnight. This was an obvious dig at DC Comics and the tidal-wave success of Tim Burton’s blockbuster film, Batman. There were more subtle jabs towards the Bat in the first few pages and web-heads went nuts! The success of Batman was overwhelming, there seemed to be no stopping the media blitz and little if no space was left for any other heroes. Quite frankly, it was hard to identify with a billionaire playboy who played cops and robbers in some fictitious town, but Peter Parker was from Queens, and he could never quite get over the hump. His character was much more relatable to me.

Despite Torment‘s initial popularity, McFarlane faced wide-spread criticism from fan-boys, peers and even his last Marvel editor Danny Fingeroth. His initial editor, Jim Salicrup, offered Todd the shot to author and pencil his own title. The book was a huge cash cow for Marvel but Todd seemed to face opposition at every turn. He had already weathered the storm of critics who claimed that he couldn’t draw anatomically correct figures. Instead of changing his style and falling victim to self doubt, he drew even crazier. He twisted bodies in ways they shouldn’t have been able to, he gave us MORE spaghetti-webbing and made Spider-Man his way. He would, “Rise above it all.” With that being said, Torment isn’t Shakespeare, and it didn’t have to be. McFarlane used the Torment series to push HIS brand of art. And even though the company tried to tame his style, they encouraged their next generation of artists, including Amazing Spider-Man successor, Erik Larsen, to draw Spidey the same way because that’s what sold comics.

“The City. New York. Littered with towering concrete giants that seem to swallow up the sky.” Torment is simple – the Lizard is out of control in New York. He is under the control of the dark voodoo priestess Calypso, and on a vicious killing spree. The sensually drawn Calypso has revenge in her dark soul. Her wish? To kill Spider-Man and resurrect Kraven The Hunter. Spidey nearly loses his life in this bloody battle. Any true McFarlane fan will tell you that you don’t need much more than that.

Critics argued that McFarlane never learned how to establish tone in his writing, but if the artwork does it for you, imagination should take care of the rest. The panels are elegantly illustrated. The backdrop of New York is gritty and terrifying. The flow of the first five books may seem a bit sloppy, but the Spider-Man he depicted was a stretch from our friendly neighborhood hero. He is placed in a mysterious plot for no reason – other than torment – and we, the reader, get to enjoy a fresh perspective from one of the most successful comic book artists of all time.

 

Women’s Civil Rights in Islam: A synopsis from the pages of Ms. Marvel

The Women’s Rights Movement in Islam is a fight for more than equality and freedom. It, in some ways, is a fight for humanity. The Western world has been put on notice that the women of Islam will no longer suffer the indifference of cruel and stubborn men. We see it everyday in our high schools and malls. Young Muslim women wear colorful hijab and dazzling outfits equipped with Gucci bags and Air Jordans. We hear it in their poetry through the voices of those like Suheir Hammad and Amal Kassir. We see it on the streets of Tehran and Bahrain. Social media has made it impossible to ignore. Sites like Wikileaks and Instagram have given a face to this head covered revolution.

The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf by Mohja Kahf gives us a haunting description of growing up Syrian-American. When I picked the book up in 2006, I needed it to reaffirm my faith as a practicing converted Muslim. In its pages you can find similarities in almost every civil rights movement in modern history. Couple that with the struggles of assimilation in a society that perceives diversity as a weakness, and you have the basis for a constitution.

This is why Ms. Marvel is more than a comic book. When it was first announced that Marvel would give the secondary title a much needed make-over, most of us were skeptical. In the film age of Avengers and The Dark Knight, there seems to be very little space for the lesser-known heroes. Most of the big companies are keeping their cash grabs going by reissuing past story arcs for future films and keeping the public interested in what the studios are putting out on the silver screen. But Marvel gave writer G. Willow Wilson and artist Adrian Alphona a chance to do something out of the ordinary. The result is the tale of Kamala Khan, a teenage girl from Jersey City. She lives in world that doesn’t truly see her for who she is. At school, she and her friend Nakia are the subject of ridicule from the female Flash Thompson, Zoe Zimmer. She is not allowed to spend time with boys. Her parents, although not restricting her to strict Sharia law, do not give her the independence she believes she deserves. Her brother Aamir loves her, but is focused on prayer and devotion to Allah. Did I mention that she is nerd? This twist allows us, the reader to fall in love with this character on a very base level. Readers can connect with her through the awkwardness of being a teenager or by being a social outcast in school. She is everyone. Her accessibility gives her a human feel that most comics lack, for obvious reasons. She is empowering. Her character sees the hypocrisy in gender bias and questions it outright. This alone makes her a hero.

But Kamala is obsessed with the Avengers. She daydreams of battles with intergalactic invaders and wants nothing more than to change into her hero, Captain Marvel.

Kamala draws inspiration from the same heroes we do. Justiiiiice!

One night, her wish comes true. She transforms into Ms. Marvel, a super human with the ability to change her shape. How fitting. Whether as a nerd, woman, or culturally disenfranchised youth she dreamed of acceptance. Her newly found powers allow her to be anything she wants physically, but she remains the same inside.

Kamala sneaks out to a party that her parents forbid her to go to. Once there a strange mist envelopes her and she is greeted by the Avengers, speaking Urdu! They tell her that they are of faith, and speak all languages of beauty and hardship. This type of writing gives this book the type of authenticity it needs to be impactful. If Wilson decided to attack Islam for its treatment of woman alone, the book would take a preachy and holier-than-thou stance that would immediately offend. But this book doesn’t do that, it shows both sides, from the inside of an Islamic Masjid where women are separated in prayer, to the dinner table of a family with first generation westerners. Her first act of heroism saved the life of her mean-girl tormentor, Zoe Zimmer. This selfless act will shape the type of hero she will become. Wilson could have easily made her first heroic act saving the life of a Muslim kid in the midst of being victimized by a hate crime. But that would be the easy way out. In saving her perceived enemy this book takes a traditional Islamic pretense, to offer enemies love, from Al-Mumtahana, and that saving one life is like saving an entire people, from Al-Maida.

Sometimes, the worst bullies are those that think they are being good people.

The reality of our world is harsh. Women in most countries on this planet are subjugated to cruelty and treated as subservient. And before our glorious Stars and Stripes have their say, let’s not forget the shadow it still casts on our history. The Slavocracy of the South and Jim Crow laws that proceeded allowed for the ownership, rape and torture of African American women. Hell, the ruling class didn’t even allow their women to vote until 1920 and sexual health issues are still being fought today on a Congressional level. But Ms. Marvel is a glimmer of hope in a small pocket of our society. It’s pages are meant to inspire the oppressed, and objectified. Bravo for Marvel Comics, and Al-ḥamdu lillāh.

Below is my review of issue #3 that I wrote for the weekly reviews (see all the week’s reviews here). The five part introduction to the new Ms. Marvel is entitled Meta-Morphosis. I suggest you purchase from comiXology or support your local comic book shop and strike a conversation with the guy behind the counter!

Ms. Marvel #3 – A
I can already envision the “What if” issue where Zoe Zimmer drowns. Tell me you saw the somewhere on the west side ave JC electronics sign or you noticed the sarcastic look on the New Jersey pigeons? This book screams of nuance. More than the cultural tension of growing up Muslim so close to Manhattan, I find the awkwardness of being a teenager compelling. Kamala frantically searches the web for answers…”Super-powers, Shape-shifting powers, Woke up as a polymorph, Embiggening. Come on interwebs, don’t fail me now–I can’t be the first person this has happened to–” The book feels real because we would ALL do the same thing. Still subservient in a world where woman are not allowed to worship with their male counter parts, Kamala struggles to find her purpose. It’s been a while since we have seen a hero’s genesis story. Watching Kamala awkwardly try to control her powers is like watching an eager tadpole.

After responding to his text, she heads to the Circle Q to meet Bruno. When she looks in the window she notices a masked man flashing a gun. Assuming that he’s being held up, she springs into action and makes a magnificent declaration.
“I am 911!”
“Strange things are afoot at the Circle Q.”

Shout out to the Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure quote from Bruno.
Kamala learns a valuable lesson about being a hero this issue, if she makes it out alive she won’t make the same mistake again.

Post originally from John Soweto’s blog

Game of Thrones Review “The Lion and the Rose” S4E2

The Lion and the Rose
SPOILER ALERT! Warning, this recap has major spoilers to “The Lion and the Rose,” if you haven’t watched the episode yet, please go to HBO GO immediately!

HBO GO shut down because of traffic last week, (this is after fixing the glitch that caused the True Detective season finale crash) 6.6 million viewers watched “Two Swords”, the season premier, and our favorite gamers got the cover of Vanity Fair magazine. Game of Thrones is making its argument for best television series of all time, or at least the bloodiest. According to Vanity Fair, (Yes, I read VF) the show has been illegally downloaded more than any other in history. Not only that, but President Barack Obama gets early screenings in the White House, not a bad perk for Commander-in-chief.

I’d like to start by saying that rarely does a T.V. series cause its watchers to be so impassioned. Just last week I had a Facebook war with fellow Hush writer, Jené Conrad about whether or not Khaleesi is a name or title for Daenerys Targaryen.

Hurrah! George R.R. Martin actually wrote the script for this week’s episode. We open with a hunt. A young woman is being chased through the woods by Theon Greyjoy’s captor, Ramsay Snow, a female archer, Greyjoy, and a pack of wild dogs. Greyjoy, now called Reek by Ramsay, watches as Ramsay sadistically let’s the dogs tear her apart.

We immediately cut to another phallic reference following that scene with Tyrion and Jamie eating a meal. This is an on going theme since Ramsay removed Theon’s…manhood.

Tyrion seeks to strengthen his bond with his brother by offering his bodyguard Bronn, to train him to use a sword with one hand. The scene made me laugh as I thought to myself of the classic, Princess Bride moment, “I am not left-handed!”

Ramsay Snow, returns home. He greets his father, but the welcome is not friendly. It’s important to note that Ramsay is also a bastard. Ramsay’s father, Lord Roose Bolton seems domineering and cold. But they bask in their victories. Theon Greyjoy is presented as a trophy. Bolton is disappointed that Theon has been broken. But Ramsay earns his father’s graces by revealing that Bran and Rickon Stark are still alive. Theon admits that he did not murder the Stark boys and they are now part of the game. They quickly devise a plan and Jon Snow will soon be paid a visit by Locke, the guy who chopped off Jamie’s hand.

Tyrion has been warned by Lord Varys about his former lover, Shae being outed. Tywin Lannister promised to murder the next whore found with his son. Tyrion must now protect her.

He confronts her, breaks her heart, for her own good, and demands that she leave. He arranged passage for her on a boat, she had no choice but to take his offer.

We cut to Joffrey and Margaery’s pre-wedding ceremony. The book of The Four Kings is presented to Joffery as a gift from Tyrion. Joffery seems to have reconciled as he gives thanks to Tyrion. He then, in a spoiled fit, destroys the book Tyrion offered with a newly acquired Valyrian blade. He celebrates by antagonizing Sansa while gloating over the death of Ned Stark.

Stannis Baratheon is still sacrificing souls to strengthen his power. What a weirdo. Let’s hope Davis Seaworth gets out of there soon. He is still the only voice of reason in that cult of crazies.

Bran has been hunting as a Dire Wolf. His abilities to live as animals in the Westeros are growing stronger. He and his band are still traveling beyond the wall. He is having difficultly staying in human form. Hodor places him by a Heart Tree, these Weirwood trees with carved faces are found in the Godswood. Bran sees his father and the three eyed crow, and a dragon over King’s Landing. A voice commands him to go north.

Wedding of Joffery and Margaery Tyrell was magnificent. It was truly a wedding of royalty. Tyrion leaned into his wife Sansa and muttered, “Better her than you.” Preach!

The celebration was grand and colorful. We have rarely seen King’s Landing that plush. In a tender moment, Margaery’s grandmother, Olenna Tyrell offers her condolences to Sansa by saying, “As if men need more reasons to fear marriage.” In reference to The Red Wedding. Jamie and Loras Tyrell get into a pissing match over Cersei. Jamie’s jealously is rampant. Loras is engaged to marry Cersei by order of Tywin. Immediately Cersei confronts Lady Brienne and the proud warrior woman inadvertently declares her love for Jamie. In a fit of anger, Cersei commands that the leftover food from the celebration go to the dogs of King’s Landing rather than the poor as the new Queen Margaery had declared.

Lord Oberyn finds the Lannisters in the middle of the celebration and intentionally insults Cersei and Tywin. He also subtly makes a threat on Cersei’s daughter, Myrcella. This revenge plot will be one to follow!

The party continues. The War of the five kings plays out in grand theatrical manner with fools in costume. Sansa watches in quite contemplation as everyone is disgusted except for Joffrey.

Fools Rush In

He is cruel and pompous. Drunk on power Joffrey pours wine on Tyrion’s head, he continues to torment his uncle until the entire wedding party is uncomfortable. Joffrey drops his gauntlet and Sansa and Tyrion share a moment as she retrieves it for him.
Joffrey orders Tyrion to kneel. Tyrion refuses. The tension is high and is broken only when the pigeon pie is brought out. As Joffrey sips from his goblet. He begins to choke. It becomes clear that he has been poisoned! It’s about fucking time! In a glorious performance his face turns pale, then blue and purple. He points towards Tyrion with his final act as king and dies. This is the moment we have been waiting three seasons for! After countless good guys being murdered off, this was inevitable. I’m not ashamed to say that I will miss him. There are few characters on the show that we can hate so viscerally.

Before you celebrate, keep in mind, he is barely a man. 

Joffrey is dead and Cersei believes Tyrion poisoned her son. She immediately orders him seized. Clearly Tyrion has been framed again. Remember the whole murder attempt on Bran’s life? This week’s episode was an A+! There was no frontal nudity and only one death, but it was the episode we were all hoping would happen!!!

Come back next week for our recap on “The Breaker of Chains.”

All media credited to HBO

Game of Thrones Review “Two Swords” S4E1

Game of Thrones for the casual Throny

Going through Walking Dead withdrawal? No need to go into a digital 12 step program because Game of Thrones is back! I’ve been a die hard fan for the first three seasons and, although I have only read the first book in the series, I fancy myself enough of a casual fan to walk you through the premier of Season 4, “Two Swords!” Caution: major spoilers for the first three seasons ahead.

Two things you need to know before we get started: the Lannisters are assholes and someone is either going to get fucked or killed in any given episode.

Seriously. What a douche.

There isn’t a show on television that does sex and gratuitous violence better than GOT. Season three ended with the Lannisters’ (dicks of Westeros) total domination over nearly all of their enemies. Resident teenage sociopath, King Joffrey Bieber sits on the throne after surviving an uprising at King’s Landing (Capital of The Seven Kingdoms). He is preparing to wed Margaery Tyrell to add stability to the realms. The rebel army from the North has been defeated with Robb Stark betrayed and beheaded. His mother, Catelyn Stark also died in glorious fashion in last season’s Red Wedding by the orders of Tywin Lannister, (if you haven’t seen it, make it a HBOgo night). The Mother of Dragons, Daenerys Targaryen, leads an army more than 10,000 strong to avenge her family and over-throw the Lannisters. Jamie has returned to King’s Landing missing a right hand but gaining some much needed humility. Sansa Stark is in mourning over the news of the demise of her mother and her brother, but her short – in stature, but not in heart – husband Tyrion Lannister is by her side. Wildlings plan to attack The Wall and The White Walkers are still coming!

Now that we’ve brought you up to speed, let’s pick up the pieces from The Red Wedding. “Two Swords” begins with patriarch Tywin Lannister melting down Ned Stark’s Valyrian steel sword and refashioning it into two blades, one for himself, and one for his now deformed son Jamie. Hence the title of the premier, Two Swords. Jamie is struggling to find a place for himself. He refuses to take rule over Lannister stronghold, Casterly Rock, and is rejected by his sister and former lover Cersei Lannister (Yes, that is totally normal in the Thrones world).

We are not deprived of fan favorite Tyrion Lannister. The newlywed is tasked to greet a party of Dorne dignitaries arriving for Joffrey’s wedding. We are introduced to a new player in our game, Prince Oberyn Martell. We find him at Littlefinger’s brothel picking whores for his appetite. Oberyn also has a fierce hatred for all things Lannister and tells Tyrion that his sister, Elia was married to Rhaegar Targaryen, commonly referred to as the Mad King. She and her children were murdered by the Lannisters in their coup of King’s Landing. Oberyn is here to inform Tywin that, “Lannisters aren’t the only ones who pay their debts.”

Jon Snow has returned to the Knight’s Watch a different man. He has been through hell and he knows it. He has narrowly escaped death, his family has been slaughtered, and there are armies amassing on the other side of the wall. He faces trial for breaking his vows but is allowed to live because of his knowledge of what lies beyond. He is the most valuable asset to Castle Black, and perhaps the entire Kingdom. He is being followed by his former Wilding lover turned crazy ex-girlfriend, Ygritte. She is determined to have vengeance for Jon’s betrayal.

Daenerys is in dire need of the How to Train Your Dragon guidebook. They are growing out of control and may soon become more of a liability. She leads her freed slave-army Meereen, on yet another siege to free bonded souls. Note, the role of Daario, advisor and warrior to her army, was recast this season. His character is making brash attempts to win her heart – and so far, he is succeeding.

 My personal favorite badass, swords-woman, Brienne of Tarth, has followed Jamie to King’s Landing and reminds him that he made an oath to protect the remaining Starks. Brienne is noble and morally pure (as far as we’ve seen). She’s the one untainted spot in a world stained with traitors, thieves, murderers and rapists. The only other character with a sense of nobility like that was Ned Stark – and we know what that did for him. Could this be Jamie’s opportunity for redemption? He does bring up a good point about Sansa, though. Where in the world would she be safe? To a certain degree,  we at Hush thought that her misery was just really rough Karma, but how long before she plots her revenge?

Finally, we are reunited with Arya, my absolute favorite character, and boy is she pissed. She travels with The Hound. They are traveling to The Vale where he intends to sell her to her crazy Aunt Lysa, (remember the awkward breast-feeding one?) They stumble upon an inn where she recognizes Polliver, one of the king’s men and her former kidnapper. He is in possession of her sword, Needle and she wants it back.

 

She also wants revenge for the death of her friend whom he killed in cold blood. She did not get this satisfaction for Mycah, the butcher’s boy who The Hound murdered. The Hound replies with one of Sherif’s favorite lines: “A man has to have a code,” a clear nod to Omar and Bunk’s conversation in The Wire. This was her opportunity to have revenge and forgive The Hound. The pair murder all in the inn and Arya stains her hands with the blood of her enemies. She has become a killer and is a serious threat to all who have wronged her. 

“Two Swords” was a much needed push back into our world of dragons and wolves. This season promises to have more death and sex and will keep us talking on Monday morning. Next week’s episode, “The Lion and the Rose” puts us North of the wall with Bran! All Men Must Die! The lion is Joffrey  and Margaery’s the rose (her mother is often referred to as The Mother of the Rose), so we’re looking forward to learning more reasons why we should hate Joffrey and more reasons we should love MargaeryTyrell (other than her GQ cover shoot)

All media credited to HBO

Written by John Soweto

Graphic Novel Review – Static Shock: Trials By Fire

Graphic Novel Review: Static Shock – Trial By Fire

Collecting: Static #1-4

Original Release Date: 1993 (collected edition released in 2000)

Publisher: Milestone Media (collected edition published by DC Comics)

Characters: Static/Virgil Hawkins, Holocaust

Writer: Dwayne McDuffie (Milestone Media, Blood Syndicate, Justice League: Unlimited & Ben 10 TV series)

Artist: John Paul Leon (Earth X)

SCORECARD (each category ranked on a 10-point scale):

Storyline – 9

Art – 8

Captivity and Length – 8

Identity – 10

Use of Medium – 8

Depth – 8

Fluidity – 7

Intrigue/Originality – 9

The Little Things – 9

Overall awesomeness – 9

1993 was a spectacular year. Bill Clinton was in the WhiteHouse, Ice Cube could see his name on the Goodyear Blimp, Toni Morrison got a Nobel Prize and Milestone Media paired with DC Comics.

For those of you unfamiliar with Milestone, I want you to close your eyes, now picture a group of amazing comic book writers and artists,  can you see them? Now imagine they’re Black. Dwayne McDuffie, and Denys Cowan were tired of the minimal representation of African Americans in major comic books, but instead of complaining, they created their own. They immediately flooded the market with multiple titles.  I remember being excited to see so many black heroes on the shelves. To be completely honest, Hardware, Blood Syndicate and Static were the first DC titles I ever purchased.

I instantly loved Static and was thrilled when Sherif asked me to write a review about the first four issues in honor of Black History Month. As a kid, I couldn’t believe there was a character who looked like me in the comics. He wore Spike Lee’s Malcolm X cap, had thick lips and a street confidence Peter Parker just didn’t have.

Pretty soon my brother Aaron began to steal my issues, and I’m sure became a bigger fan than I was. But Static’s popularity wasn’t limited to us. In 2000, the WB picked up the cartoon Static Shock, our hero made appearances in Teen Titans, and of course, add fanboy buzz over the years for Donald Glover to star in a full-length feature film, and you have the makings of legend.

But it all began with Trial By Fire, the first four issues of the series. Enter Virgil Ovid Hawkins, a teen given the power to wield electrostatic energy. He is a meta-human. This new race of super-powered street kids have X-Men like abilities. There are some obvious Marvel storyline similarities.  Static was written as a contemporary Spider-Man. Virgil is a witty do-gooder who is misunderstood and in need of an alter ego to cope with his own self-deprecation. Since Static was written in a single-issue format, the transition between issues feels a lot like watching episodes of a television show as opposed to reading through one, fluid story.

Issue one: “Burning Sensation” gives us a clear idea of who he is and what he stands for, and it certainly doesn’t waste anytime getting to the action. Our electric hero makes short work of goons who plan to kidnap Frieda Goren, a girl he is madly crushing on. At the end of the issue he is confronted by Hotstreak, a street thug with the ability to control fire. He loses the fight and his secret identity is revealed to Frieda. What was, and is, so refreshing about Static is that the dialog doesn’t feel forced. It’s not trying to be cool, because it IS cool.

Issue two: “Everything But the Girl,” gives us the back-story we were waiting for. Virgil is bullied by a Flash Thompson doppelganger named Biz Money B. After being beaten and publicly humiliated he decides to get a gun to settle the score. He tracks Biz to a Warriors style gang meeting and before he has an opportunity to pull the trigger they are attacked by the authorities with a mysterious toxin. Virgil and others are transformed into meta-humans, capable of performing amazing super-powered feats. He uses his abilities to escape the raid and begins training to master his powers. We learn that Hotstreak is actually Biz Money B and Virgil lost the fight because he is still scared of the hallway bully. By the end of the issue he is able to confront him and gain the attention of a mysterious super villain.

Issue Three: “Pounding The Pavement” starts with a bang. Static has earned some cred in tha hood and now a bad guy named Tarmack is looking for him.  They have an epic showdown in a parking lot and Static proves that he can overpower and out-wit his adversaries. The issue ends with a crossover cliffhanger and we are introduced to Holocaust from The Blood Syndicate.

Issue Four: “Playing With Fire” starts by teaming our hero up with the vigilante Holocaust. Static plays flunky and  roughs up some gangsters for the villain. When he goes to see Frieda afterward he finds her with his best friend Larry. He is crushed. Filled with anger he decides to help Holocaust rip off the mafia to help his mom pay bills. When Holocaust takes the heist to a deadly level, Static steps in to protect a small child. This dissolves their partnership in crime but we get the feeling that their relationship has only just begun.

Static is well written and as the story develops, the art improves. If you are in the mood for 90’s nostalgia you will find plenty of references from Arsenio Hall to Star Trek: The Next Generation.  This comic led a comic book revolution and captured the imagination of every black comic-book head who searched for a hero that looked and sounded like them.

Written by John Soweto

The Desolation of Tolkien’s Universe

Genre – Fantasy 

Director – Peter Jackson
Cast – Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Orlando Bloom, Richard Armitage, Evangeline Lilly
Alluring element – Based off J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic novel The Hobbit

Check it out if you liked – The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Plot – 6
Acting – 8
Representation of Genre – 8  
Cinematography – 9
Effects/Environment – 9
Captivity – 8
Logical consistency – 8
Originality/Creativity –  8
Soundtrack/Music – 8
Overall awesomeness – 8

Let me preface by stating that I am not the biggest Tolkien nerd ever. I do, however, enjoy his work immensely. The first book my mother and I read together was The Hobbit. I can remember being terrified for Bilbo while he was caught in the giant spider’s web. I have read it a dozen times since, most recently last year with my son. I read The Lord of the Rings trilogy in middle-school and thoroughly enjoyed all three films. On a scale of LOTR nerdiness, on a scale of Bilbo to Aragorn, I put myself at a Gimli. I am no where as nerdy as my poet buddy, Ken Arkind, who went to visit the actual Shire in New Zealand last year. I was thrilled when MGM announced a Hobbit film, but was deflated when I found out that it would be a three-part franchise. The LOTR books average 400 pages apiece. My son’s leather- bound copy of The Hobbit is exactly 276 pages long. It’s mathematically impossible to make a trilogy of three hour films from so few pages, unless you have filler – and filler, there is.

This is not to say that I completely disliked the film. Its run time of 161 minutes is entirely too long, but there are some gems that allow us to enjoy the wonderment of Middle-earth. Not to mention that it earned $73.6 million in its opening, although this is a drop from the first hobbit movie.

We are almost immediately whisked into the story where we left off in An Unexpected Journey. Our dwarves are still accompanied by a wizard, who looks remarkably like Magneto, and an unlikely burglar, Bilbo Baggins. Bilbo is played by the always entertaining Martin Freeman. The dwarves draw closer to Erebor, the lost dwarf mountain. The treasure of their conquered home is guarded by Smaug, the fire-breathing dragon. Benedict Cumberbatch (Khan!!!) pulled double duty, voicing the Godzilla-like flying lizard and the Necromancer.  The real jewel of the dwarf vault is a most priced possession, the Arkenstone. Our dwarf leader, Thorin Oakenshield, plans to reclaim his bling and slay the dragon.

Our protagonists are still being hunted by Orcs. These grotesque brutes are merciless in their hunt for dwarf blood, but they are overplayed, and if you are like me you look forward to their appearance only to see how creative our heroes can be when they kill them. Since they pose no real threat, it’s hard to feel anxiety during battle sequences. There is one exception, the river-barrel ride from Mirkwood. Our short-of-stature heroes escape elven captivity and take a Universal Studios-like roller coaster ride downstream while being pursued by Orcs. They kill the Goblins effortlessly and almost to a rhythm.  At times it feels more like a video-game than movie, but the sequence is whimsical and fun. I literally laughed a few times at its outrageousness. It had the same feel of the dinner party clean-up scene at Biblo’s from the first film. The dwarves are the stars of this film and deservedly so.

“How does my hair look?”

Speaking of elves, Tauriel (Elf for eye-candy), played by fanboy favorite Evangeline Lilly is the best and worst thing about the film. First of all, she is a certified dime-piece. When she first appeared, I almost forgot what movie I was watching. The character was created to add a love interest to our metro-sexual elven archer Legolas. And we need this to our classic tale because, “Who wants to watch a movie about a bunch of dudes lost in the woods?” But there’s a twist – Tauriel seems to have a Keebler-sized crush on the dwarf warrior Kili. This pisses Legolas off…a lot. This subplot is lost on me. Does a big budget film have to build an emotional investment in it’s audience? Yes. But does it have to lose integrity by adding meaningless romance arcs? No.

“C’mon, you realize he is like 4ft tall right?”

Any guesses as to what Gandalf is doing? If you said, wandering off on his own and getting captured you get a gold star. This angle is boring and unnecessary. He gets locked up every movie. Clearly he needs a Get-Out-Of-Mordor free card. The Necromancer theme is also overplayed and dull. We are all well aware that the middle movie in a trilogy is doomed from the start, but simplifying this film may have actually made it more enjoyable to the average movie-goer.

Where is my Hobbit?! You know, the cheeky little fellow with a big heart and hairy feet? The obsessive compulsive kleptomaniac with the ring of power? There and Back Again? It seems like our true hero was forgotten about, lost in a script filled with bully Orcs and pretentious elves. A huge draw to The Hobbit as a book is the idea of a small person making a big difference. Bilbo inspires us and we need him to save the day.

There he is, in the best scene in the film, deep within Erebor face to snout with a dragon. Let me add that Martin Freeman adds credibility to this film with pure skill. He is as much Bilbo Baggins as we could hope for. The introduction of Smaug is amazing. He lays in dwarf gold like a crocodile in still water. He emerges in fantastic fashion. He is death on wings. Four stories tall with skin like metal. Peter Jackson sure does know how to do monsters well. As Bilbo has an epic showdown with the beast we are fearful for the Lake town of Dale, a human fishing port. Smaug had once burned this tiny village, and if his wrath is unleashed again there is no telling what is possible.

“Where is Khaleesi when you need her?”

The film is entertaining, but about 45 minutes too long. Your little hobbits may not make it all the way through without a potty break, but it’s a great holiday movie for the family. Tolkien purists will hate it. There is too much emphasis on the city of Dale, too little emphasis on our hobbit, and a lot of “meh” time. The casual nerd will debate with their friends about the height of a hobbit and the color of Orlando Bloom’s hair. Overall you will enjoy the adventure and hopefully pick up the book again, just as I did, and read these most important words, “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.”

Written by John Soweto